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[CHAT]: Stinking thinking

originally posted on 17-02-2017 3:22 PM

Brains are wonderful. They produce thousands of thoughts every single day, and let us do some amazing things. But sometimes they're not so wonderful and we can become stuck in a rut of negativity.

 

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So how do we get out of it? And how can we support somebody else who's dealing with a bit of stinking thinking? Join us here on Monday 20th February at 8pm AEDT, or click 'Reply' to start the chat now!

lokifish
lokifishPosted 19-03-2022

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20 Feb 2017, 9:00 AM UTC

20 Feb 2017, 11:00 AM UTC

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    loves netball
    loves netballPosted 19-03-2022 07:29 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 8:32 PM

    Sorry I'm probably not explaining things right. I've grown up with family blowing off steam, verbally and physically and than after a while they come and apologise. But they keep doing the SAME again and again

     
     
     
     
     
    loves netball
    loves netballPosted 19-03-2022 07:29 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 8:33 PM

    Using STOP, because then you're more likely to act in a positive way (you're also looking at the situation as a whole - looking at both sides)

     
     
     
     
     
    Ben-RO
    Ben-ROPosted 19-03-2022 07:29 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 8:35 PM

    Those posts made a lot of sense, although if you're okay with it could you please explain STOP and how you find using it @loves netball

     
     
     
     
     
    loves netball
    loves netballPosted 19-03-2022 07:29 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 8:36 PM

    Can I get food first @Ben-RO? I may have taken the running in fitness as a race Smiley LOL

     
     
     
     
     
    Ben-RO
    Ben-ROPosted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 8:39 PM

    haha hey @Alison5!

     

    And see you when you get back from your tasty foods @loves netball! Here is an Otter eating his dinner

     

    Otterdinner

     
     
     
     
     
    Ben-RO
    Ben-ROPosted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 8:48 PM

    What might be a healthy way and an unhealthy way that someone could vent or ruminate? 

     
     
    It sounds like people have talked a little bit about feeling like just venting or ruminating on it's own often doesn't help, or we feel a bit worse after. Sooooo I guess that's probably unhealthy. I think then just doing it on it's own probs isn't healthy, so maybe healthy ways to do it would be things like: 
     
    • Just noticing that we're venting or ruminating and that thoughts are just thoughts, doesn't make em the truth
    • Accepting that this is where we're at right now and making sure we practice a bit of compassion, because otherwise you might ruminate about venting or vent about ruminating 😛 
    • Think of something else that might help us pull out of the thinking process we're in like a coping or a distraction technique
    • Practice Wise Mind ACCEPTS which @redhead made a beautiful post about 🙂 
    • ACCEPTS is actually a huge list of things on it's own, so maybe we should talk even more about it, or find ways to practice? 
    • Put the thoughts aside, write them down and then calm down, face the thoughts when we're not also facing the distress the sneaky thoughts might create. 
     
     
     
     
     
    Stealth_ninja
    Stealth_ninjaPosted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 8:53 PM

    That's a pretty great list @Ben-RO.

     

    Sometimes when im in a bad mood or there's a lot going on, I kind of just want to feel crap for a little while. I know i'll bounce back tomorrow but i just need to be a bit sulky for a little while. Is this bad? I think there can be times when its okay but other times when it turns into ruminating so how do you know whhich one it is?

     
     
     
     
     
    Ben-RO
    Ben-ROPosted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 8:57 PM

    @Stealth_ninja to be honest i don't know if it's okay just to feel crap sometimes, my gut feeling is that yeah, it's okay but perhaps not okay if it's overwhelming. If we feel like we're drowning in the feelings of not goodness, that's probs not great. I am actually meeting up with the team of Psychologists, psychiatrists and other folk that make sure we're doing the right thing by you folks to find out the answer to this. Because i think there's a line somewhere between just feeling a bit low and perhaps doing something that's a bit harmful, i just don't know where that line is for sure. Anyone got some thoughts on that one? 

     

     
     
     
     
     
    Stealth_ninja
    Stealth_ninjaPosted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:02 PM

    yeah there's definitely a line! And it's probably different for each person as well so maybe we needt o find a way of figuring that out for ourselves. I think I kind of know when i need to do some writing really focus on self-care but i'm not really sure?

     

    Okay next question!!!

    How can venting effect other people? What can we do to be more mindful of others when venting?

     
     
     
     
     
    loves netball
    loves netballPosted 19-03-2022 07:31 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:11 PM

    How can venting effect other people? What can we do to be more mindful of others when venting?

    Being in the presence of someone who is venting or reading a message can reduce me to tears and majorly trigger me to do something completely unsafe. Sometimes I still try to calm the person, which can put me in a vulnerable position (because I'm sensitive and am triggered easily). I think it would be helpful for people who are venting to not direct it at anyone. I wish everyone knew about STOP, although I doubt when someone is venting they would think to try STOP all the time. I also wish people who are venting would remove themselves from others so they don't hurt anyone physically or emotionally.

     
     
     
     
     
    FootyFan26
    FootyFan26Posted 19-03-2022 07:31 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:10 PM

    How can venting effect other people? What can we do to be more mindful of others when venting?

     

    Pick a time and a place that is appropriate for both people and making sure they're okay with giving you an ear for a little while.

     
     
     
     
     
    j95
    j95Posted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:07 PM

    How can venting effect other people? What can we do to be more mindful of others when venting?

    I guess its tricky when you're in the moment but maybe being a bit careful about how what you say might hurt others
     
     
     
     
     
    Stealth_ninja
    Stealth_ninjaPosted 19-03-2022 07:31 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:11 PM

    How can venting effect other people? What can we do to be more mindful of others when venting?

     

    I think it can effect people a lot, it can be really heavy and depending on who they are and how things are going with them and what they're going through it could trigger things for them or make them feel worried or anxious for the person that's venting? I find it really hard to help other people when im not doing too well myself so i can imagine it's the same. Maybe just recognising boundaries and maybe setting some boundaries too? Like maybe a disclaimer? Like just asking if it's okay? 

     

    but now im kind of confused because from what we were saying before i feel like maybe venting is bad all together but then how do you process your stuff?

     
     
     
     
     
    Stealth_ninja
    Stealth_ninjaPosted 19-03-2022 07:31 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:14 PM

    Hmm really intersting what you're all saying, espcially your point @loves netball.

     

    What do you think is stopping people from using STOP or removing themselves from others when they are in a bad place? Do you think maybe when we are venting we are looking for validation from other people? So we maybe gravitate towards them

     
     
     
     
     
    Alison5
    Alison5Posted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:06 PM

    How can venting effect other people? What can we do to be more mindful of others when venting?

    It can have the possibility of triggering other people. It could also be a bit too close to home for some, but I think it is also their responsibility to take a step back from it. Perhaps when venting, you could try and generalise things?
     
     
     
     
     
    j95
    j95Posted 19-03-2022 07:31 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:09 PM

    yeah i think you have a point about stepping back from things and the responsibility isn't solely on the person venting, other people should be aware of their limits i guess, which is tricky @Alison5
     
     
     
     
     
    Ben-RO
    Ben-ROPosted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:05 PM

    @j95 spot on! You turned my word salad into... a word buritto! Much more organised and easy to eat

     
     
     
     
     
    Ben-RO
    Ben-ROPosted 19-03-2022 07:31 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:10 PM

    @Alison5 your point is also SUPER important, if the things we can try on our own, or with the support of our peers- whether that be our friends or on here- aren't working anymore then that's when it's time to get extra help, every time. Constant distress is not a very nice place to be in, so it means it's time for backup! 

     
     
     
     
     
    Ben-RO
    Ben-ROPosted 19-03-2022 07:31 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:12 PM

    My thoughts on not getting backup when backup is needed: 

     

    Backupp

     
     
     
     
     
    j95
    j95Posted 19-03-2022 07:31 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:16 PM

    ff.gif

    HAHA me when its time to get backup @Ben-RO

     
     
     
     
     
    j95
    j95Posted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 8:59 PM

    yeah like sometimes it ok to feel crap maybe a bit low about a situation, you've had a bad day or something, but is it time to actively do something about it so it doesnt get worse and spiral outta control, is that sort of what you meant? @Ben-RO
     
     
     
     
     
    Alison5
    Alison5Posted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:02 PM

    I think it's also a bit like realising that crying is actually good for you. The chemical tears release can actually improve your mood, but being in a state of unrelenting distress is when it would be time to get some help.
     
     
     
     
     
    loves netball
    loves netballPosted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:05 PM

    @Alison5 I like being able to cry sometimes; it helps. I started crying Friday because I was overwhelmed and ruminating, I was a little more okay after crying AND I got my uni stuff out

     
     
     
     
     
    roseisnotaplant
    roseisnotaplantPosted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 9:07 PM

     

    How can venting effect other people? What can we do to be more mindful of others when venting?

     

    I think you have to be careful with how you go about it. Of course if you want to vent without effecting anyone you can write it down, I find that helpful sometimes.

     
     
     
     
     
    j95
    j95Posted 19-03-2022 07:30 AM

    originally posted on 20-02-2017 8:54 PM

    hmm can definitely relate @Stealth_ninja

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