But it has to be purrrrfect!
Have you ever had that feeling of wanting something to be absolutely perfect? This could happen in various areas of life, for example, study, work, health, sports or creative endeavours - sometimes it just never seems to be 'good enough'.
Perfectionism has good and bad aspects. On the positive side, it might help us strive to do the best we can. But when we criticise ourselves for not being able to reach unrealistically high standards, perfectionism can become unhelpful.
On Monday 12th December at 8pm (AEDT), we'll be chatting about perfectionism, how it can affect our lives, and how to manage it if it gets in the way of what we really want!
Join us then or share your thoughts now by clicking "reply"! 
Yeah that sounds right @cupcakes_032. Perception of perfectionism can definitely change depending on feelings and situation. One rainy day's mess can be perfect on a sunnier day
@loves netball i agree, i think it's easier if we can define things for ourselves so that it makes more sense for us (and less stressful!)
@RevzZ yeah i feel disappointed in myself when i hand an assignment that doesn't feel 'good enough'... maybe perfectionism can sometimes be linked to our self worth and how we feel about ourselves?
How might perfectionism become a negative thing?
Yup I completely agree with everyone that ideas of perfectionism can be very de-motivating, and I've definitely had that experience (especially with uni assignments/my thesis last year...!)
Wanting things to be perfect can sometimes cause us to put heaps of pressure and expectations on ourselves that might not be achievable. Perfectionism can also impact on self confidence and self esteem/self worth, and again that's where it's important to have some coping strategies just in case things don't quite go as planned.
How might perfectionism become a negative thing?
- Putting other things aside to make sure that one this perfect and how you picture it
- Putting other things you want to be perfect at the expense of relationships
- When it is taking up all of your time and you are feeling lots of negative feelings around it including worthlessness because you just can't seem to get it how you want
Sorry everyone, but I will have to leave this GR here (not feeling too well).
I look forward to reading your responses later.
Good night
So next question...
How might perfectionism become a negative thing?
I agree with others on how perfectionism can be a good motivator to do your best... but then I realised that for me, wanting something to be perfect kind of has the opposite effect and makes me want to procrastinate and put things off. I guess it's sort of like going too far and really doubting whether or not I can do the thing well enough so that I consider it 'perfect'. It feels restrictive which is not how I want to feel when I want to try to do something the best I can
@cupcakes_032 I agree I procrastinate because of family pressure and I fear things won't end up "perfect" e.g. I put off uni assignments now out of fear of failing so then I do end up failing. I let others define what perfect needs to be for me and I shouldn't because I am me NOT someone else
@cupcakes_032 I really relate to this, this feeling ive some how come to with Uni is a very new thing. Up until this year really ive been the person that procrastinates which i guess is a fight or flight response to this fear that i will never reach the end of thre rainbow or the task just seems so enormous. Like, if its not going to be perfect why bother? Sort of thing. It can deifnitely have the opposite effect which is tough.
@khaleesi_18 yeah I know, things just become relative. It almost becomes a self-care thing where its like, for my MH i really just need to get this done and put it away. I know ill probably be disappointed with the outcome but this is the best I can do. Which is a really tough call to make!
How might perfectionism become a negative thing?
I agree with @cupcakes_032, sometimes that idea of perfection can wind up being paralyzing rather that pushing me forward. I feel like a lot of it is linked to negative self talk, like when perfect turns from being "this is what I can't strive for" into "this is what I can never reach".
@Stealth_ninjahaha I relate to your point about uni SO MUCH. If we have a lot of other things going on that take up spoons, submitting an assignment/checking something from the to do list as 'done' (regardless of the outcome) can be an awesome achievement.
@Ben-ROYES learning to enjoy the journey not just the destination is hugely important (and something I'm still working on sometimes...!)
@Chessca_Hideas of what a perfect/ideal situation would look like can help, particularly when thinking about recovery (and goal setting more generally)
Sorry everyone my wifi is being super dodgy!
I really agree with what everyone is saying, having this notion of perfect is definitely a motivator but has also helped me learn a lot about myself. Kind of what @Ben-RO and @khaleesi_18 mentioned about the journey and just forcing yourself to examine what your values are. Especially with uni this year i have kind of had to just accept that "done" is enough although i dont really believe that haha
What are some good things about perfectionism?
Sometimes perfectionism can push us to perform well, and to set and achieve goals that we may not have otherwise had. I think it can be a healthy and beneficial thing to set high standards for ourselves (while developing resilience and coping mechanisms/doing self care-y things in case things don't quite go as expected).
@khaleesi_18 totally! I think the benefits of perfectionism really come when you can deal with the idea of things not actually going perfectly.
@Chessca_H, yeah i think maybe perfectionism isn't realistic if it has to be sustained.. like sometimes i've finished something and it seems 'perfect' to me (more like 'good enough'/'i've done the best i can' feeling)... but that's like a one off kind of thing, and i wouldn't be able to do that all the time because i'd just always be working on things to get them 'perfect'. and then end up feeling worn out all the time
@loves netballthat's a really valid point about being okay with a finished product/achievement that's near perfect. I think that's a great perspective to have!
