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Betrayed by close friends

I had a really good group of friends last year. But then at the end of the year I got moved out of mainstream and into a gifted and talented class where I didn’t know anyone. Luckily three close friends also got moved into this class and we formed our own small friend group of four. I thought this was a good thing until two of my friends started deliberately excluding me from everything, shutting down whatever I tried to say and just being overall rude at every opportunity and now whenever I try to talk to the other person in the group (who is my best friend and the only person in the group that treats me decently) they find some way to distract her. One of them seems to switch from being my friend to despising me every other day and is hardly ever nice to me when there are others around. I would just leave the group but that would either mean leaving my best friend behind or forcing her to give up her friendship with the others who are still really nice to her.

Re: Betrayed by close friends

Hi, @Jane_the_cat welcome to the forums!

 

That sounds really difficult... 

Does your best friend know how you're feeling about all this? 

Re: Betrayed by close friends

She does. But she doesn’t really know what to do about it and I find it hard to talk to her about it.

Re: Betrayed by close friends

@Jane_the_cat Do you think you could leave the group temporarily and see how that changes things?

Re: Betrayed by close friends

Hi @Jane_the_cat! Welcome to the forums! How are you feeling today?

Rejection can be physically painful. Smiley Sad It's so upsetting when your friends suddenly exclude you. Are you and your best friend still able to find ways of talking to each other if you leave the group?

This article has some good ideas about addressing the issue and knowing when to end a friendship.

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Re: Betrayed by close friends

Update: I tried just not talking to them much but stayed in the group. Recently one of the people who had been mean has been nice again and she just told me that the other person being mean in the group has been talking about me behind my back with another “friend” from last year.

Re: Betrayed by close friends

@Jane_the_cat  Wow, I feel so bad for you. That must have really hurt. Smiley Sad I really hate it when people in a group I'm in gossip about me and other people. Those situations can be really tricky to manage and cope with.

How did it make you feel? Heart

Re: Betrayed by close friends

It’s really starting to bug me because I know they’re talking about me constantly and I know they’re picking at stuff that I already struggle with, like body image and it’s especially getting to me that my other friends from outside the group would participate in that gossip because it was a shock and apparently their only reason for disliking me is “I speak too loud on public transport” which is blatantly false. The only upside is I feel like I might have one of my friends back 



@WheresMySquishy wrote:

@Jane_the_cat  Wow, I feel so bad for you. That must have really hurt. Smiley Sad I really hate it when people in a group I'm in gossip about me and other people. Those situations can be really tricky to manage and cope with.

How did it make you feel? Heart


 

Re: Betrayed by close friends

@Jane_the_cat  I'm sorry that the gossip is getting to you. Smiley Sad It can be hard to tell who your true friends are.

One thing I've learned about gossip is that it can only really hurt me if I let myself be affected by it, so I try not to feel as though it's my fault. The gossip is more of a reflection of them than you. A lot of people who gossip have other negative qualities. In my experience, gossiping makes people look untrustworthy, which can make people less likely to want to be friends with them.

Sometimes, if you know who is spreading the gossip, it can be helpful to have a conversation with them about it and asking them to stop, but it depends on the context. They may not realise that they are hurting other people. I have done this a few times and sometimes it has led to the person shutting up, or sometimes they deny being the source of the gossip.

Another thing you can do is making a list of the pros and cons of keeping your friendship with the toxic friends. If you have other good friends, you may find that you don't have to rely on the gossipers or that there's not much in it for you.

What do you think? Smiley Happy

Re: Betrayed by close friends

Well I told my best friend about it and she was horrified. So I think she will be ok with leaving the group now and I was thinking of writing an anonymous note to the year advisor about what they’ve been saying and Putting detailed notes about their history of doing this to others