I can relate to this big time! When I am feeling depressed I feel really detached from myself and my life. I feel like I dissociate from my own thoughts on purpose in a way because I often feel like periods of depression for me are linked to low self esteem. So I kind of dissociate to avoid being even more upset. But this tends to me feeling weird about my current life. Like i'm often thinking of my boyfriend and how happy he makes me on a day to day basis (as cheesy as it sounds) but on these days the thought of him sometimes makes me feel sick because I feel so detached from him and like its not my life and not my boyfriend. It's so weird I can't really explain it to be honest. I haven't told him this because I think it would really hurt his feelings. But normally I am quite open with him about when i'm feeling down and this kind of helps bring me back down to earth and feel grounded again, less detached I guess.
I was really scared to talk to a GP and to be honest I booked and cancelled appointments for about a year! I'm only just now starting to get the regular help that I need and I found it has helped me open up to my close ones too because I can kind of tell them what I discussed with the health professionals rather than telling them I feel sad. I often felt like they didn't understand just how sad I was when I was going through bouts of depression and having the doctor/psych/dietician appointments to explain to them helps a lot! I almost wish I had forced myself to go sooner but I'm grateful to be receiving help now!
The time that I actually gained the courage to go I told my boyfriend about the GP appointment I had booked and asked him to sit in the waiting room with me so I felt somewhat responsible to show up. This really helped. Is there anyone in your life you could ask to do this with?
I get that feeling of being detached from my loved ones too. And I never feel like I can tell them, especially my family, because I know they would be offended or simply not understand. I actually have tried to tell them before, but they just felt a little offended I think, because they just don't understand how I can feel like that. It really sucks. Sometimes I feel detached from myself, like I'm looking at my self as though it's somebody else, or how another person would see me, and it makes me feel sick because I both hate the experience and what I see. I went through a lot of depersonalisation / derealisation a little while back because of anxiety, so it might be linked to that. But I have realised with feeling depressed and empty, I also tend to feel dissociated.
Anyhow, its nice to know somebody else can relate to that feeling. I hope you're doing well today.
You have a lot of insightful and experience so it is great to see you sharing it with others. I think it helps for others to know that even though you were feeling hesitant at first, you are now really grateful for your regular supports. In regards to getting some tangible help to challenge negative thought patterns - have you spoken to your supports about this? Often sessions with a therapist can become unfocused but it is okay to focus them by asking for something specific. Do you think you would feel comfortable doing this? It can feel a bit straight forward but the sessions are all about what is most helpful for you. Also, please feel welcome to start your own thread too! It sounds like your story would be really valuable for others to hear
The heaviness and fullness in my mind are hard to cope with sometimes, especially with the workload from school. I don't know why but I just feel like withdrawing from people as much as I can.
I don't think I am ready to go to a GP.
Thank you for your support and help, I really appreciate it.
I am really glad that regular help has helped you open up. I am really glad that you have someone who supports you and came with you to your GP appointment.
My family would never understand or have a conversion with me. I don't have anyone that I could ask to come with me.
Thank you for your support and help. I really appreciate it.
@HelloHi Hi, how are you?
Have you considered just talking to an online service like headspace or kidshelpline? I saw you feel uncomfortable talking on the phone, (I do too, I've never spoken over the phone to a helpline, I've only used online chat). Online chat is really helpful and easy, so even though you don't feel ready to see a GP yet, I would still recommend talking to some service. I tend to withdraw from people a lot too. I think it's natural when you're feeling down. Just try every so often to connect with the people around you, or even just us on RO.
I hope you're doing okay tonight.
I am sorry to feel like you don't have anyone that you can ask to come along for you. I would like to encourage you to let someone know that you need some support as I spent a solid 2-3 years before telling anyone what my deep issues were affecting me and when I finally told someone I felt so relieved. We often tell ourselves no one would understand but the problem isn't about understanding, others don't need to understand what we are going through to be supportive, they might not understand exactly what is going through our heads but they can still be there for us. For example all of us on the forums don't know exactly what you are going through but we are still here to help. I can imagine your friends and family would feel the same. I hope this inspires you to put your trust in someone close to you but if not remember are more than happy to talk to you here.
Things to check out:
This week we're having a chat about how to cope with study stress! Come join us! :D
Take a look at our Weekly Wellbeing thread all about Building Habits!
Come check out our Guide to Anger! We'd love to hear your insights!
Seen something awesome on the forums?