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Mistakes and relationships

@j95 what's got you feeling this way tonight?

Bree-RO
Bree-ROPosted 01-10-2017 09:25 PM

Comments

 
j95
j95Posted 03-10-2017 08:54 PM
Well the thing is, I messed up and I'm quite willing to admit that and I have let her know how sorry I am but in the end it's not my choice with what happens now, like I can try my best but I also respect that it's her choice if we call it a day or not, like I'm the one that made this really big mistake but I understand it was a hurtful one and if she doesn't trust me or doesn't see things working out well that's ok, well it's not awesome and I'll be upset obviously but I can see her point of view. Anyway, im still mad about it though it was dumb
 
 
DruidChild
DruidChildPosted 04-10-2017 05:55 PM

@j95 I think it shows how aware and respectful you are of your partner's needs and feelings that you've apologised and tried communicating and now you're just giving her the space she needs. I hope things work out. How are you feeling today? Making mistakes is always tough, but try not to be too hard on yourself; everybody makes mistakes sometimes. 

 
 
 
j95
j95Posted 05-10-2017 10:53 AM
I don't want to make it sound like I'm not trying @DruidChild I just feel like I don't really have a right to have any input
 
 
 
 
honky
honkyPosted 05-10-2017 01:28 PM

Understandable @j95. It's really brave of you to give her space during such a tough time. How are you feeling?

 
 
 
 
 
j95
j95Posted 05-10-2017 01:50 PM

Not great @honky oh well 

 
 
 
 
 
honky
honkyPosted 05-10-2017 02:01 PM

sorry to hear that @j95. Is there anything you can do for yourself?

 
 
 
 
 
j95
j95Posted 05-10-2017 06:58 PM

Well I am a giant stupid fucking idiot 

 
 
 
 
 
Ben-RO
Ben-ROPosted 06-10-2017 10:27 AM

@j95 everyone makes mistakes, what can you learn about yourself from this, what can you do to do things differently next time?

 

OR and this is contentious, but is part of your identity wanting to be able to see multiple people sometimes? 

 

Also remember that being mean to yourself or paying yourself out or stuff like that doesn't count as learning

 
 
 
 
 
j95
j95Posted 06-10-2017 11:35 AM

@Ben-RO I don't know what I would do differently, probably just think first haha 

With the identity thing, I don't know, like its something I have thought about before alot and kind of keeps coming up in my head 

 
 
 
 
 
Birdeye
BirdeyePosted 07-10-2017 09:58 PM
I don't know how common it is to be in open or poly or similar relationships @j95, but I have known a few people in situations other than the more usual monogamous ones.

This isn't the case with all of them, but I know that for at least some of the ones I've been friends with they're planning to eventually settle into a monogamous relationship and are using open relationships while they're young so that they're able to feel more comfortable settling down later. I considered doing this myself for a little while last year even, because I liked someone a lot but neither of us were in a place to just be with each other.
I guess what I'm saying with all of that is that it's fine to try something more open if it's what you want/need at this time, and that even if it's not exactly common or usual, it isn't uncommon.
 
 
 
 
 
j95
j95Posted 08-10-2017 06:03 PM
oh yeah kind of makes sense @Birdeye i guess like there is another reason for me thinking this way but i feel like its kinda awkward/embarassing
 
 
 
 
 
Sarah7714
Sarah7714Posted 08-10-2017 09:37 PM

@j95 it sounds like a really awful situation that you're in, I hope you're feeling okay.

 

If you're feeling up for talking about your reason for thinking that way, we are absolutely here to support you and I'm sure other people can probably relate

 
 
 
 
 
j95
j95Posted 08-10-2017 09:50 PM

@Sarah7714 oh man this is kind of hard to explain haha I kind of feel abnormal at the moment because well I have been thinking about sex a lot like heaps and i feel like a freak. I guess like that's one element to an open relationship is being able to be with others and that's kind of what I keep thinking about it. God I feel like such a fucking weirdo because I want and could multiple times a day 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Sarah7714
Sarah7714Posted 08-10-2017 10:06 PM
@j95 do you feel this way only when your in a relationship or is it when you are single as well?
 
 
 
 
 
Birdeye
BirdeyePosted 08-10-2017 10:06 PM
That's a completely fine reason! And also not all that uncommon either. People have tons of reasons for being in more open things, or even for not being in anything. Like I said before, it's all about what works for you right now.

As well as people needing to find someone on a more similar page regarding what they're into or how often.

Is it just the thought of open things that's new for you or is it also the frequency of thinking/wanting sex?


 
 
 
 
 
j95
j95Posted 08-10-2017 10:31 PM
@Birdeye like I have thought about it from a while but it's only become a thing for me in the last coupke of weeks, both of those
@Sarah7714 I don't know I haven't really felt like this before well not to this extent
 
 
 
 
 
letitgo
letitgoPosted 11-10-2017 09:55 PM

Have you guys spoken over the past few days @j95? Hope things are a bit better.

 
 
 
 
 
Sarah7714
Sarah7714Posted 08-10-2017 10:58 PM

@j95 Prior to the recent events would you have felt comfortable enough with your partner to discuss these feelings?

 
 
 
 
 
j95
j95Posted 08-10-2017 11:02 PM
I like being in committed relationships but yeah idk this feeling of wanting to explore and be with different people is pretty new to me
A little bit @Sarah7714
 
 
 
 
 
Sarah7714
Sarah7714Posted 08-10-2017 11:13 PM
@j95 Honestly at the moment, I think giving your partner space is a really good idea.

However, if given the opportunity in the future you really should consider exploring this other aspect of your self, it's not embarrassing and there's no harm in just seeing how things go. If you decide it's not for you then at least you know and have gained some more insight about yourself in the process
 
 
 
 
 
j95
j95Posted 09-10-2017 07:16 AM
We haven't spoken in a week @Sarah7714
 
 
 
 
 
T4ils
T4ilsPosted 12-10-2017 04:56 PM
@j95 Please don't destroy yourself with feeling like a horrible person. I quote: 'And god I've made mistakes but my mistakes haven't made me' because I strongly believe that people can do bad things but they are not bad people. Every single soul on this earth makes a mistake at some point in their life. I know it is so hard to refrain from negative self-talk but it will not serve anyone.

I hope things are going okay. While you are having some space, you could consider your feelings about being with different people. I agree with @Sarah7714, you may not know whether you really like that until you try.
 
 
 
 
 
j95
j95Posted 25-10-2017 09:27 PM
yeah thanks guys
she's in canada at the moment seeing her family but we've kind of been messaging on Facebook about what hwhat we both kind of want from here on, i want a relationship but i feel like at the moment I'm just kind of in to more casual kind of stuff, idk, i suggested something like an open relationship and she hasn't really said anything, so its still an issue but we might be able to work through it
 
 
 
 
 
letitgo
letitgoPosted 26-10-2017 07:24 PM

It's good that you were able to be open with her about what you want @j95, let us know how things pan out!

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