cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

Re: Seems impossible to find a lady partner under Neo-Capitalist society :-(

@MRFUNNY  please listen to @ElleBelle - what you wrote about women could be interpreted as sexist, even if you don't mean it to be.  It's really great that you came to reachout looking for support, but it's super important  (for anyone wanting help) that you really listen and consider what other people have to say - rather than just rebut peoples comments. Also, have you tried considering whether you some of your thoughts are opinions, rather than facts?  It takes real maturity to truly consider other peoples opinions, especially when they are different to our own!

 

From what I gather your main concern seems to be that you wish to find a 'soul mate'? Remember that people really like feeling heard and listened to, and really don't like feeling judged! So whilst I'm not saying you should stop thinking like you do (I think its a really awesome trait that you spend time thinking!), I would encourage you to not let it effect your judgement of others.  We can't judge others for having different thoughts and opinions, and we need to also consider that we may be wrong sometimes, and that what we think are 'truths' may just be opinion. 

 

We're super happy to help and support you at reachout, but it's really important that you listen to what others have to say! Also, it's important to consider whether what you write could be interpreted in a way you don't mean it to be, and whether it could offend people.  Also, reachout is not the place to search for a 'soul mate', but it's an awesome place for peer support and encouragement.   We all love it when you contribute, just remember to listen to others and to think about whether what you write could be interpreted as offensive

Highlighted

Re: Seems impossible to find a lady partner under Neo-Capitalist society :-(

 

 Good morning dear friend Tsynder, please view my responses below :-)

 

 RE:  "could be interpreted as sexist, even if you don't mean it to be" - THIS makes me feel totally sick in the stomach the fact that now even so-called mental health specialists are behaving "Hyper-reactive, over-sensitive" to posts that socially disturbed people in need of help are being persecuted only because they are trying to vent their understanding about the world in hope to receive counseling in return  (unlike ElleBelle) how negative and mis-understanding she is of my advocacy and devotion to women's rights that I know I have worked at for at least the past 9 years of my life ! :-(

 

RE:  "Important to listen than just rebut peoples comments" - I am glad you mention this to me friend and will be happy to reply in detail for your understanding:

 

1.  We must all remember there is big difference between "Listening and Following"  True Agree ?

2. "Listening" = is either reading or hearing other people's views and maknig sure we understand their words - Correct ?

3.  "Following" = comes after listening and IF we agree to anyone's comments then we have no reason to Rebut - True ?

 

RE:  "Have I considered some of my thoughts are opinions, and not rather facts" ? - I can say YES I have endlessly self-reflected upon my over 15.years of daily observations and studies of the world we live in - and NO I beleive the discipline I have applied to my education is currently un-matched and please do NOT treat this as arrogant NO it is simple because of the following fact = For the past 7 years of my life I have been asking my deep questions to so many specialists and NONE of them have succeeded in answering any of them - so if the specialists cant even prove me wrong then this mean everything that I am sharing is 100% unquestionable truths - See? sad but True ?  friend :-(

 

PS: Everyday I am waiting and hoping for IF the day will ever come when I meet someone that is actually able to answer ALL my deep questions which I have raised - in order for my heart to feel need to "follow or adjust" my current views

 

RE:   "It takes real maturity to consider other peoples opinions" - YES I will 100% agree with this your comment indeed there is sadly "very few and far between" people that now have the time to deeply reflect on other's opinions..etc before fastly jumping to conclusions or auto-rulng out people beleifs, this I have NEVER and will NEVER do...which is reason I am a very patient gentlemen...I always "deeply analyse other's words" (sometimes for even days) before expressing my reply to anyone that I intereact with....I feel ElleBelle has not understood how much self-reflection and life experience I have compiled prior to me saying what I say HENCE instead of anyone "just reading my posts and focusing on Regulating my word and mal-judging me as sexist" ;  how about this as an idea for conflict resolution:

 

"ElleBelle or anyone else" - should NOT quickly judge others trying to seek help (as this in itself causes further psychological detriment to the one in need (EG:  "Me"))  INSTEAD should go about analysing my deeply experience-based posts and questions within themselves "very patiently" and reflect on their own life experiences then AFTER such study IF their life experiences do NOT resonate anything of what I Expressed THEN they should immediately express to me Why, How, When...etc - so that I can then feel that they are acutally trying hard enough to genuinely help me (otherwise their help will be perceived by my heart's feelings as just partial nit--picking), instead of how I feel at the moment (for some of Reach-out's regulators NOT all) they just trying to censor or excessively control my heart and tongue from expressing my substantially long experiences from which I base ALL my posts and truths on;

 

RE:     "My main concern seems that you wish to find a 'soul mate" ? - YES this is my FIRST concern  +  then my second concern IS to somehow start reversing the depressing trend of "Commercialised, Sexualised and Workholic Women" been pushed to the brink of their human teather (as this makes me feel "very little" hope for finding my soul-mate) in such the current state of our society :-( 

 

RE:   "People really like feeling heard and listened to" - YES I agree everyone does BUT also remember please refer to comments above about "Difference between Listening and Following"  AND  please share your idea on this Wisdom:

 

"If someone is unable to see-the-light and realize what is deeply going on in a person's needy life" then even if we did want to spend more time to try harmonize their mis-understandings of me, then I must not forget that time is so very precious, hence we should not be forced to waste excess time on people who are locked-up in their own narrow minds (EG: Defenders of Feminist movement and/or Political masters and/or Economic Entreprenuers) because we must use our Self-Discipline to cut-down thred apart "every part of a person's comments to then build it all back together in order to "Check-mate" and/or "rule-out" their commens as baseless and  to only listen-follow--or acknowledge as truth "ONLY" the points that are felt by my heart as an "unquestionable truth" if any ever arise....agree with my methodology ?? friend

 

RE:  "We can let our thinking effect our judgement of others" -YES I agree which is exactly the reason I rely on (NOT my mind to make final decision about outside world) I always follow the meridians, rhythmic beats and instinctive senses of my brain's intuition = as this is the only SURE way of "separately Fact from Fiction" furthermore:

 

1.   the Mind is responsible for all suffering on earth today - because thinking is what makes a person ignorant;

2.   the Heart can never be judged for wrong-doing as it only follows human's most innocent sense for survival.; and

3.   If a person fails to explain in deeply comprehensive detail to me Why they beleive what they beleive - then this means they are still living through direction of their Mind and ignoring the truths that can only be revealed from the Heart

.....you agree ?? with these...friend

 

RE:   "We can't judge others for having different opinions" - Please clarify IF we cant THEN what do you advice we do - to resolve any such conflict of beliefs.....

 

RE:  "to consider we may be wrong sometimes" - YES because we all only human, and as I insinuated above - the SUREST way to test whether our perceptions of truth are right of wrong - is by self-reflecting and putting our observations through rigorous cross-checks to be absolutely solid in our conviction....you agree ?? with this method...friend 

 

RE:  "what we think are 'truths' may just be opinion" - YES the ignorance of "majority" population dont realize this, so they just continue to blindly follow whatever the politicians tell them - hence they get sucked into a black-hole vortex of lies, fanstasy and political--interest serving agendas - which is also one of my majorly depressing concerns - god help me !!! :-(

 

RE:   "It's really important for me to listen to what others have to say" - I wish to ve VERY clear my friend, YES every post and every word within it - I analyse them in intense patience, before I deliver my replies, hence as you can see How much effort and substance of expression I have posted herein - this I hope will be best sample for anyone who beleives what I am saying is wrong - THE ABILITY TO REPLY IN COMPLETE DETAIL , TO A LEVEL THAT I AM UNABLE TO COUNTER-REPLY, THEN THIS IS CALLED "UNQUESTIONABLE TRUTHS"....understand Agree ?? friend

 

RE:   "to consider whether what I write, could offend people" - YES correct and to say deeper :  (a)  I should not be rejected or judged as offending people IF what I am saying is unquestionable truths of life - because as Harsh or frank as they may be it is still real life - hence the only way to heal from mental illness and other socially isolated conditions - is by knowing every reality that exists in our current era of living in order for us to make most practical decisions to cope with the upper-classes ongoing onslaught of Artificially driven, self-interested agendas....you agree ?? friend

 

RE:    "Support and Encouragement" - If this is their mission statement, then please tell me Reach-out's LIST of ways to help MY predicaments: (a)  How ? can I live amongst a society that is being swallowed up by a sea of political "work-slave intentioned" artificiality;  AND  (b)  How ? I ever meet a lady (within this fast-pass, workoholic society) that has not yet been blinded by the belief systems of Capitalism and Feminism - because I have RUN OUT of options :-(  please enlighten me Where ?? and What methods could I apply to help me resolve these above seemingly paradoxic distresses :-(

 

Awaiting your full reply Tsynder, much appreciated for you showing patience and tolerance in absorbing my posts

Best Regards from: MrFunny

 

Highlighted

Re: Seems impossible to find a lady partner under Neo-Capitalist society :-(

@MRFUNNY  you've got a lot of points there, but I'll try to remain succinct

 

Just because you can rebut a question, does not mean it isn't true.  We could all sit around going back and forth at each other but it would be a very big waste of time and wouldn't go anywhere.

 

I think listening is about trying to put yourself in someone elses shoes and really understanding how they are feeling and what they are saying - not just understanding their words

 

Just because people have different opinions and beliefs, doesn't mean that it is a conflict that needs resolving - I can respect a different point of view and understand that people are entitled to their own thoughts - you can't control what people think and that is part of life!

 

I think people have tried to answer your questions - would you be willing to accept answers that you don't like or agree with? Because if you only accept answers that you like to hear, then the questions are pointless.

 

ElleBelle is not showing judgement - she's stating her opinion and if you respect her then you will listen to what she is saying without getting offended.  I agree with everything ElleBelle has said

 

Sometimes people disagree - this doesn't mean that they haven't listened to you, it just means that they don't agree with what you have said.  This is OK and part of life

 

Overall, if you want my true opinion, you have one very fundamental flaw in your thinking.  You are discounting that people have self-agency and that we aren't robots - most people do understand that they work within a system, but this doesn't mean the system is dictating their thoughts. I think there are so many examples of genuine compassionate and humane acts today - for example, the #I'llridewithyou trend, the volunteer responses to the ebola outbreak,  and all of the volunteering efforts that people pursue.

 

It's great that you have all these thoughts, but how are you able to contribute in a positive way?

 

Also, merry christmas. I'm done with reachout for the day now, but if you want to respond i'll be back on probably tomorrow.  Please don't break down everything I have written and try and rebut it - it's pointless and doesn't get anywhere. It works best when people have a proper discussion and try to build on each others questions, rather than say why the other is wrong.

 

We all want to support you man, but it only works if we all stay open minded and considerate.

Highlighted

Re: Seems impossible to find a lady partner under Neo-Capitalist society :-(

 

DEAR Tsynder, First I wish to apologise IF my style of replying to you is wrong - but the only reason I break down each of your expressions and answer them one--by--one - is becasue I just thought this would be the best way to make sure I reply to you thoroughly true ??? OR please advise me another way ??


I wish to apologise for implementing my same style of communicating I just DIDN'T read your request to stop trying rebut - until at the bottom-line = because whenever I reply to people - I always start from top and analyse bit by bit, please accept my sincere apology....


RE: Have a "proper discussion" and try to build on each others questions - I FEEL this is very important point :
(a) Please confirm what exactly does a "proper discussion" mean ; and


(b) Please explain Why analysing thing deeply thoroughly as I do then seeing through cracks in people's opinions is consider NOT proper ? please clarify these friend....


RE: "going back and forth at each other - wouldn't go anywhere" - Oh my god friend, I cant beleive you would say THEN please confirm what other way is more effective than slowly narrowing down into the point of resolution - other than slowly rebuting all un-essential or un-practical posts...I thought this WAS the best way but maybe I wrong...please advise of a better way. ??...friend


RE: Your comments about LISTENING - YES I agree your interpretation is correct :-)


RE: "people with different opinions, doesn't mean that it is a conflict that needs resolving" - Please allow me to clarify on this point friend...IF 2 people need to survive side-by-side with each other everyday THEN YES this differencedoes become a conflict...because the differences is what makes 2 people not compatible, hence even wars around the world have began because of little difference...the SAME principal goes in find a Love partner - IF 2 people's attitudes not click together - then they become in conflict, then they separate and continue trying to search for another one - true ??? friend


RE: "We can't control what people think and that is part of life" - YES correct BUT we can share the truths of life with people that we wish to work with, because IF 2 people are "NOT on the same page in this area" - then business fails...simple ?


NOTE--1: I can happily say that YES I will be willing to hear answers I not like - BUT of course you would agree THAT as long as the answers are unquestionable solid substance in which I am unable to re-question its convictions - IS this a fair compromise ? friend


RE: "most people do understand that they work within a system" - IF THEY DO then why ?? they NOT willing to correct the system (Collectively all at one place at the same time) in order to reverse the Capitalist destructions - What reason ??


RE: "not mean the system is dictating their thoughts" - YES it does because IF they were truly individual free thinkers and truly in touch with their human nature - then they wouldnt be supporting the upper-class's agendas of exploitation - by just continuing to work in their Robotic offices and Factories pushing expansion of upper-class greed more and more....true ??


RE: It's great that you have all these thoughts, but how are you able to contribute in a positive way ? - Sadly that answer to this IS "I do NOT know, because I am very close to giving up, because so many people around have let me down on promises and repeatedly proven they are imcompetent of gaining my trust in sociality and business" because repeated failure are what cause "Destruction of Reputation" - hence I admit to you friend, I am totally OUT of any more options :-(
this is reason I started drifting towards thoughts of depression and suicide...


RE: Right and Wrong - PLEASE also confirm Why is this method "not productive" - when the purpose of expressing our concerns IS to step by step get closer and closer to the PURE concrete causes of why a person has personal concerns - thought "To discover the root causes (hence root wrongs)" was the primary focus of Reach-out...correct? or not please clarify this ??....friend


Merry Christmas friend and I look forward to reading your important (especially the one at the top, regarding my style of communicating)


PS: I currently feel that YOU are only one of very few Reach-out members that is "really" genuine trying to help me - MY intuition is telling me this and I wish to thank you for your presence being sensed by my Body's Radar as a Positive Vibe;
Best Regards, from : MrFunny

Highlighted

Re: Seems impossible to find a lady partner under Neo-Capitalist society :-(

Hi @MRFUNNY - I am truly sorry if you felt insulted. As a moderator on Reach Out, it is my duty to provide a safe space for everyone and ensure all of our community guidelines are being followed. You are free to express your thoughts and opinions within the context of these guidelines, so if you haven't read them yet I really encourage you to do so. Being respectful goes both ways, and your comments about women are not respectful. I do understand it is not your intention to be sexist, but please consider how it might be taken that way - especially by women who must face gender stereotypes every day.

 

Please keep in mind that we are not mental health professionals, we're just peers providing support for people going through a tough time. I'm sorry to hear you haven't had much luck finding a professional who has been able to help you. Not everyone clicks with the first psychologist or counsellor they meet, so it's worth giving it another chance. If you do have thoughts about suicide in the future, I hope you will phone the Suicide Call Back Service right away on 1300 659 467. Their counsellors are available 24/7 and can help you through your time of need.

 

Merry Christmas, I hope you have had a wonderful day.

Highlighted

Re: Seems impossible to find a lady partner under Neo-Capitalist society :-(

 

Hello friend ElleBelle,I accept your apology, I just hope that the "guidelines" not turn into a Dictatorship style code that must be followed perfectly or else I worry that Reach-out may turn into an Un-efficient space to heal people's sensitive concerns - as I sure you also realize that Excessive Regulation and Loss of Right to Free--Speech = are just some major floors with the Neo Capitalist System we now live in...Humans are NOT perfect NEVER will be and as one I am just humbly innocently trying to express my concerns the best way I can (with NO conscious intention whatsoever of deliberate sexism...etc) NO never because this is NOT my nature....I hope you understand this about me now, thank you friend

 

RE:  "my comments about women are not respectful" - May I please ask you specify "exactly what part did you feel was sexists" - was it the bit about where I said something like >> "That I beleive a women's strength is nurturiing" OR was it something else  I said what ?? please advise me friend...

 

RE:  "Not everyone clicks with first speciailist meet" - YES I agree this is VERY true, hence the fact that even specialist NOT always get diagnoses right all the time...

 

Ok....Merry Christmas and I wish you happy new year celebrations....take care out there some where :-)

Re: Seems impossible to find a lady partner under Neo-Capitalist society :-(

hey @MRFUNNY  , I hope you are feeling better today! I've still got a food-hangover from christmas!

 

This is going to be my last post on this thread, as I think it's gone on for quite long enough!

 

I think everyone picking on the specifics clouds the general issue that you originally started with - that you are worried about not finding a partner - so lets stay focused on that!

 

My couple pieces of advice are:

 

1. Try and maintain some faith in humanity - there are heaps and heaps of really great people out there! Just because people are different, doesn't mean they are worse, and personally I think it would drive me crazy if I was in a relationship with someone identical to myself!  I spent a year abroad when I finished highschool, and I dormed with 3 people and none of us knew each other.  We all had really really different views politically and socially, so there were some fights sometimes! But despite our differences, we actually became very close friends! I still keep in contact with them today.  I became best mates with a couple of guys with very different opinions!

 

2. Embrace difference and really listen to other people - this is how we learn! Most people aren't just twats, they usually have some very good reasons for how they feel!  If you want a partner, it's going to be super important that you concede when you are wrong sometimes and really listen to her! (Otherwise you would be the dictator, and I know you don't want that!) 

 

3. Don't show judgement, even if you don't like someone.  It will never help, but also if you want a chance with finding a girlfriend then you can't make her feel judged for disagreeing! Remember her opinion is just as important as yours, and if you respect her then you'll listen

 

4. You never know whats around the corner, so don't lose hope!

 

5. Try and lighten up buddy! Would you want a partner who is pessimistic and believes that the world is doomed? It could be very disheartening! What characteristics (such as fun, humorous, silly, etc.) would you like in a partner? Think about how you could show these yourself!

 

6. Go out and have a crack! I'm not telling you to forget or change your thoughts and opinions, but put them in the back seat for a while! I say this because at the moment they are preventing you from getting the most out of your life.  Having a good time, taking a safe risk in meeting new people and showing compromise where you need to, does not mean that you aren't being true to yourself!  What type of life do you want to reflect on? One where you felt alone and didn't give those who thought differently an opportunity? Or one where you really had a good go, and even made friends and partnerships with people who were a bit different from yourself! You'll never find a group of people with exactly the same thoughts, so learn to compromise and respect people even when they are different!

 

I'm done with this thread now, so don't pick this apart and try to find the 'truth' - I think it's time we all move on.  By the way, one of my favourite sayings is that "even the small man who stands on the shoulders of a giant, can see further than the giant can" - this shows that if you want to learn and find 'truths', the best way is to build on others thoughts and works, rather than try and defeat them. 

 

Good luck, and the choice of whether or not your willing to compromise is up to you now! You will find a partner but it will really help you if you learn to incorporate what I have said

Highlighted

Re: Seems impossible to find a lady partner under Neo-Capitalist society :-(

 

Good evening friend and YES I LOVE having food-hang overs - for the simple reason because I totally love food and will always taste anything at least once (unless of course if its things like dried cock-roaches or dog-meat, which I know some countries eat,  but that would have to be my hygiene limit.....hahaha :-)

 

RE:  I can totally agree with you regarding "Different people can become friends" - as we know the wisdom goes "OPPOSITES CAN SOMETIMES ATTRACT" :-)

 

RE:  "to concede when I am wrong sometimes" -  YES I agree the best way to learn from our human imperfections is by seeing = hence admiting when we are wrong, because this makes the partner feel that she is not being put down all the time, I NEVER want my future partner to feel pressured about NO part of a realtionship - because freedom is the only way for anyone to build confidence in their self as a love-maker and as a life-long companion....True ? you agree ? 

 

RE:  "Partner's opinion is just as important as yours" - YES I agree with this, then in addition to listening to her opinions, then next step is to understand clearly her intention within a opinion, to reflect and see if what she say is true or false, right or wrong...when looking through her eyes at the "real natural world" and NOT looking through a fantasy crystall ball - Yeh ?

 

RE:  "Never loose Hope" - I must say this interesting word, an Old Wise man told me once Hope can be a dangerous thing, if we keep to much hope in things or people, then if enough time passes by, we can fall into the institutional trap of depending on hope for our whole life" - Please give your reply to this wisdom and we can discuss how accurate this old man's philosophy may be ?

 

RE:  Pessimistic attitude - I 100% agree with you that this trait is NOT recommended to make life-long relationship - PLUS just to clarify this part of me - Firstly I can yes understand why anyone could summarize they way I have been expressing myself as Pessimistic type, but on flip-side "Ironicallly speaking" its "one of the paradoxes of life I guess that for a person to express so many things going on around him and around the world = this could be also seen in a GOOD way that : for any person to be able to progress onward and upward into their chosen goal, we have to be able to see the potential pit-falls and traps and other misdimeanors that life will always surely throw at us along our path to success, hence a pessimistic person "perceived from outside" CAN also actually be a very optimistic "deeply analytical" on inside - as this is best way to prepare or manage and minimize ignorant decision-making....I can happily say THIS is how I look at myself when I apply myself to new projects (EG:  Women or any other business duties)....you like this switching of a negative word into a positive attribute....Cool ?? :-)

 

QUESTION--1 :  What qualities would I like in a partner ? - I would agree with your first ideas such as Funny, Silly and then I would most importantly like the lady to be also "Fearless" as this is major value that most people have lost inside, due to Capitalist System showing endless crime shows to instill Hyper-sensitivity into everyone so they feel Frozen to not make a "so-called" wrong move in society for their entire life - I know sounds pretty doomy, but that what living in Fear does to a human spirit - which is exactly what I plan NOT to be like....more Fearless individuals = more strong society will be :-)

 

RE: "taking a safe risk in meeting new people and showing compromise where I need to" - I happy to say that YES I feel this comment is very PRACTICAL REALISTIC :-) good thinking friend !!!! thumbs up for that

 

RE:  "to give those who think differently an opportunity:  (a)  to fall in love with me;  or  (b)  to try somehow convince me that the world's current catastrpohies do not exist ?? "  I WOULD say I give NO chances to people from (b) because my past 15 years of obvservation and reflection has been more then enough evidence for me to be sted-fast in what I think is going on around me   +  but I would say  YES to  (a)  As we both beleive that "Love CAN happen between opposites and Love is so very volatile extravagant crazy mysterious all of that" = hence I NEVER under-estimate what can happen in Love :-) and I sure you would agree with this - Love is very much so "WELL beyond every human's head over heals"....hahaha :-)

 

RE: "Learn to respect people even when they are different" - I must say I find this idea VERY hard to put into practice (not with all people that are different to me BUT particularly with the groups in our society that have actuall causes and are actually responsible for turning our society into what it is now) most of this group have NOT even been sent to trial or indicted for "Offences against humanity" so I guess I will have to leave that part of compromise out of the equation until such time that I maybe observe society evolving into a better environment for everyone to have EQUALITY - I know your probably say "My ambition is to big to expect compare to the capacity for it to come true" maybe after 3 generations" :-)

 

After absorbing ALL what you said - I now wish to thank you for your efforts dear friend and that I will always remember you out of everyone else on Reach-out - for the obvious reason in my heart - is because I feel you "delved into all my issues" as much as you could to find level ground with me to work through them - and for this I am truly greatful and Hope your life also a very prosporous flamboyant Happy Funny journey - IF this style is possible under one brain....hahaha :-) ??? !!!   +

 

IF my analytical style of communicating bothered you allitle I wish to give my BIGGEST apology, sorry friend and I give my deepest honor on what I say IS truly what I feel....hence your true friend from Reach-out - See you on the Flip side !! :-)