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Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

@May_ yeah that sounds about right.

Well it was a while ago but I was feeling quite lonely and decided to message this person I haven't met before but I've heard about them from friends. I messaged them to get to know each other as I thought we had quite a few comon interests  we talked for a few weeks. In the process of getting to know them I caught feeling for them. Never had anyone show so much interest and affection towards me. They asked how I was, it felt like someone genuinely cared about me for once. During the time of talking I had the opportunity of actually meeting them but I freaked out and I regret it soo much, my gut was telling me to do it but my brain physically wouldn't let me. I got that feeling of butterflies in my stomach and almost like pain in my chest and then it was too late I couldn't do anything about it as they disappeared, that night was horrible it was the night it all started, filled with anger towards myself and regret. We continued to talk with that never coming up in any of our conversation, then nothing they disappeared, no reasoning and no replies. I feel abandoned, forgotten about , questioning my self if they've even had a single thought about me. Leading me spiralling with my thoughts to where I am now feeling almost empty within questioning my purpose in life, why am I here, why are all of us here, what am I doing with my life and what I'm going to do in the future.

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

Hey @Pasta

I just wanted to quickly check in with how you're feeling at the moment Heart I'm sorry to hear that you had such a sad and uncomfortable experience with your friend. It totally makes sense that you've been feeling a bit sick and anxious about the whole situation. Unfortunately, sometimes our brain can really fixate on the worst possible scenario, and really go down some dark places in an effort to try and make sense of a situation, or a person's actions. While it can be really tempting to try and come up with reasons for why people may be acting the way they have, in reality it's impossible to know exactly how and what they are feeling, especially when they haven't spoken to you about it. 

In situations like this it's most important that we take care of ourselves and our own thoughts and feelings. For some people that might be some alone time or personal self-care, other people really thrive on being around their friends and loved ones, gaining energy from the support they provide. It's important to try and figure out what sort of self-care might make you feel better. From the sounds of things you have a really supportive and loving family, as well as really lovely friends. Maybe it might help to spend some time with them? Heart

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

@Andrea-RO I was feeling anxious I guess I really don't know how to describe what I was feeling but it was affecting my breathing, I've gotten some sleep now and feeling a bit clearer but I woke up early again as usual.

Will try sort something out this weekend but I have work placement all this week and work on Friday so I will probably be pretty exhausted from that.

I'm trying to calm myself with some music but trying to put all this into words is starting to bring back these thoughts, it got quite bad last night.

 

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

I just wish I could forget about all of this and let it all go, but I can't help myself to keep messaging them even though they don't reply, I probably look pretty annoying to them and push them further away than gain anything out of doing it but I can't control myself from doing it, it just happens

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

It was quite bad last night so I messaged my friend about how I was feeling and the comforted me and told me I need to talk to someone ( like a professional ) because it will help me a lot, it stuck with me most the night and as it got worse I decided I would call khl but I didn't want any one else in my house to hear me so I decided if I was still feeling like this once my mum had gone to sleep I would go to my thinking spot and call them but I fell asleep. I awoke early like I said before then went to my spot to call. I could see the stars through a gap in the clouds and it was calming to look at. I waited for 20-30 mins but no one answered so I hung up and got home before people awoke in my house, I don't even know what I would have said if someone answered, I've never called a helpline before or seen anyone. How does it work?

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

Hi @Pasta

It was really brave of you to call khl. Khl also has a webchat and email service, which makes being overheard much less of problem. The webchat wait time is a fair while, like over an hour unfortunately.. They try to respond to emails within a week.

 

I've personally found Sane pretty helpful, and if you do a webchat you can choose to have a transcript emailed to you. The main disadvantage is that it's not open 24 hours a day.

If you're interested, you can get help from them here:

https://www.sane.org/services/help-centre

 

With the khl webchat, you basically fill out a questionnaire about why you're asking for help.

Then you'll be put on the waiting list for a counsellor. The counsellor will join the chat when they can, say hi, and ask you a few questions. 

The Sane webchat is very similar but without the questionnaire at the start.

 

I personally haven't used the phone line, though others here probably have and can tell you a bit more about it.

 

Hopefully this has helped a bit!

 

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

It's all too confusing for me, hardly make sense of anything at the moment

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

Hi @Pasta . I just read your thread and I'm really sorry to hear how you are struggling at the moment. Those feelings you described and the staying up late sound alot like anxiety. It's good that you're reaching out. 

 

I wanted to post because I've been using KHL for years.  Unfortunately sometimes you do have to wait ages to get through but once you do the person will say hello and usually ask you if you if you have contacted before. They are so understanding especially if you freeze up and don't know what to say. I remember the first time I called I froze and just said I don't know what to say I just wanted to talk to someone and then they can lead the conversation. They will guide you and ask you questions. You can then choose to speak to that same person again and they'll tell you when they will be on next so you can plan ahead to get in contact with them. And they can keep a profile of you and your story so that they can refer back to past conversations. You don't have to tell them your name or anything you don't want to but most of the time they are good. I've only ever found one person I didn't like talking to but now i contact all the time when I need. Beyond blue is a similar service specialising in anxiety and depression and they offer brief support and can even offer to call you instead. Their webchat system usually doesn't take as long to get through. They are really helpful too. 

 

Good on you for getting support! 

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

hi @Pasta and welcome
things really sound tough for you!
I seen that your wondering how a helpline works. it might be helpful to mention that Sane is generally for people over the age of 18 and often suggest kidshelpline or headspace to younger people.

Headspace and kidshelpline is similar in nature in that you fill out a questionnaire first when you log onto webchat,sometimes its a long wait, other times not so much but when you do access it you speak with a counsellor like you would in a text. you cant see them but the conversation is continuous. however when you ring, basically a counsellor answers straight away and then you just talk to them. if you don't know what to say, you can actually say that. I remember the first time that I rang I was so nervous that I could barely speak but by the end of the conversation I was able to say what was wrong and they gave me some coping strategies as well.
KHl is open 24/7 so if you feel you can wait, id recommend waiting till about 7/8 oclock as usually the wait time is abit less or first up in the morning.

hope this helps
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

Thanks for sharing your guys info about the helpline, depending on how tonight goes I might give them a call but I don't think I feel that bad today/tonight so far