feeling as if no one is there

[ferdie22]

what the title says really

really struggling to find new connections with people

this is my first time posting too, so i hope im doing everything right

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @ferdie22 

Making connections is super difficult, I think a lot of people can relate to that struggle - I certainly can. Is there somewhere in particular you are looking to connect with others such as school, uni, work, a hobby, online?  

 I know for me when i was trying to connect with others at uni, I didn't really connect with anyone for the first semester and I was wondering how i would ever make friends in my degree. Eventually I started to sit with new people in my classes and have chats after class, which led to lunches together and it was really nice It did take a while but I was glad I mixed it up and put myself out there a bit. Is that something you're thinking about doing? Like if you wanted to make connections here on the forum, maybe you could check out some of the activities and jump in there 

Also welcome to the forums! And thanks for your first post 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Hey @ferdie22 Awh I'm sorry to hear you're struggling making connections- you're definitely not alone there Loneliness is such a painful emotion, and can linger even for those who are surrounded by people. Did you want to talk more about what's going on for you at the moment? As Hannah-RO said, we're here to support you as much as you need and hopefully we can help with the feeling that there is no one there

[wanderingwasp]

Hey! I can relate strongly to how you're feeling here. I felt pretty alone and confused a year ago when something happened in my life and I found myself without any close friends or anyone to confide in and it was all too much for my brain.

It was a gradual process, but if it's an immediate connection you're looking for I know that Friends for good has a phone line you can call for a chat for general advice or just conversation. 

In the long term, I think friends are hard to make but through consistency they will blossom. So maybe try finding activities that allow a long-term commitment, where you'll see them somehwat regularly. E.g. team sports, enrolling in a course or volunteering

[ferdie22]

@Hannah15 @wanderingwasp @Lost_Space_Explorer5 thank you all for your reply, even seeing people chatting to me here is helping me feel a bit less stranded, I really appriciate it.

I think that I have quite a few hobbies but with all the covid drama happening right now a lot of the events I would go to, to see interstate or overseas friends have been cancelled so it's impossible to find people right now. 

I think I will check out some of the activities on this forum to find connections

As for talking about what is going on right now, I think it's a multitude of situations that have built up over a long time. I do have a group of friends, but I feel so under apprieciated by them - I know they struggle to express emotions though so I can't really blame them. I also had two very good friends that have been ghosting me recently and it's super hurtful because I don't know what is going on or what I did to hurt them so much they would stop talking to me. I've tried asking but they won't reply, which I understand is totally in their right to do, but it still makes me feel like I've messed up and it's making me question any existing relationships I have now, which in turn I think makes me extra anxious and clingy to the few people I do still have.

I am not even sure if this rambling makes sense, thank you all for listening haha. 

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @ferdie22 that is so nice to hear that you feel less stranded, that is what we're all here for 

covid has definitely made going to events and seeing people a lot harder  I hope you get to have some more nice chats on the forum.

That does sound super hurtful that your friends have ghosted, that is really awful. And it's understandable that this makes you want to stay close to your other friends, what do you like to do with them?

[GioDes]

Hi @ferdie22, 

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing! I really do hear you about feeling lonely, isolated and unappreciated, especially at the moment with COVID restrictions. I also totally understand how heartbreaking it can be when your friends ghost you with no explanation, it really is so hard to take sometimes. I was going to ask how you're going with self-care/doing things for yourself? I know this might sound silly but in times in my life where I have felt really lonely, I've found that in practising being kind to myself, and in being my own friend, I was able to shift my energy into a place of self-worth and actually ended up attracting amazing relationships. I was also better equipped to reach out and heal old relationships from a place of greater confidence! In doing so I also realised that a part of me didn't feel good enough for friends for a long time, and that I was subconsciously sabotaging my relationships because I believed this deep down, but through self-compassion, I was able to start addressing this and choosing and living in the space of "I deserve good!" Which we all do no matter what! <3 

[ferdie22]

@Hannah-RO 

I'm really into video games and cosplay, which is something I really enjoy doing with my friends! We usually meet up at conventions, especially interstate or international friends which I hope will come back next year. I love sewing/crafting too and I do a lot of this with friends too. 

[ferdie22]

@GioDes it is super frustrating with friends coz all I want to do (as someone very sort of forward thinking and good at moving on) is fix it! I do understand that for them it might take time to heal though. 

That is really good advice about the self care, I can absolutely understand how that confidence would improve relationships, I just find it hard to get from the spot I'm at now to that position. I think I definitely self sabotage my relationships by overthinking, assuming they hate me and then acting needy until they do actually dislike me too. But I'm going to try your advice on self care and learn to like myself again. 

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @ferdie22 I hope games conventions come back next year! I reckon they will, it must have been tough not being able to do that, I've heard that the online versions of them are just really not the same as well which is such a shame.

Also sewing and crafting is V cool! We have a lot of crafters on the forum, there is a hobbies thread that might interest you 

I think @GioDes advice about self care is really lovely. It definitely can be hard to get to that place when you overthink things, that is completely understandable. What kind of self-care do you think you might try?