Struggling a lot
I've always been a particularly normal and happy person, I never felt very alone or that my problems were too big for me to handle, but recently a lot has been changing and i feel myself seeping into a dark place.
I recently had a falling out with my best friend and we no longer speak. I'm not saying that i wasn't at fault because i am partially at blame for why were no longer friends, but its so hard to just not be friends with someone you have been so close to for so long.
My emotions are a rollercoaster and I can feel happy but then just think about her or her be mentioned in group conversation and i just get very down. And i struggle to be happy again. We share a lot of friends so i can't just move on because she's always there. I don't know what to do or how to make myself be happy with her still being in my life without us talking at all, because right now its just making me so depressed.
I can also tell she's been trying to get our other friends on her side, and i'm just trying to be mature and leave other people out of it, which is so hard when she's turning others against me. Uh its so hard to think you know someone until you see their bad side.
Comments
Hey there @Mstar123, you sound incredibly self-aware. It takes a special kind of person to acknowledge their part in a friendship breaking down - well done for this. I am so sorry to hear she is not handling this in a very mature way, that's a reflection of her character more than anything. It is painful in life when we find out the people we thought we knew have darker sides that we did not know existed, the important thing is you keep your self safe and keep checking in with people who support you whilst this happens. Are there any friends in your group who aren't taking sides? Or are they all listening to her stories? Is there anyone close to you, you trust to talk about this to?
I will tag some other members too for their input 🙂
Thanks - that means alot.
I've talked to a close friend that Ive recently become friends with but she (the girl i'm no longer friends with) was the person i told everything too and was super close with so now its like there is a hole in my life.
I just don't understand how someone who knew everything about me, my thoughts and emotions can just all of a sudden cut me out and act like a stranger. Its like she forgets everything ive ever gone through and wants me to feel like crap.
I know how difficult it can feel to loose a friend, so I sympathize with you. I think it quite reasonable for you to feel like there is a hole in your life now, especially as she was such a close friend! I'm so glad to hear that you've spoken to other friends - that is an awesome step! 🙂 Has it been helpful talking with them?
Talking to my friends has been a little bit helpful but i still feel really down and angry towards the whole situation. I dont want to be angry or upset or depressed I just want to move on and enjoy my life but its so hard when we share all of our closest friends.
It sounds like this situation is interfering with other areas of your life. Do you think it'd be helpful to take a break from your friends and focus on those other areas for now? When I've had friendship dramas in the past I've found that exercising, spending time with my dog and engaging in other hobbies was really useful for me
It might help. I'm currently moving jobs so i no longer work with her so that will be a bit help.
Just don't know how I can move on and forget about her and just not miss her, or be angry
It'd be nice to have a quick fix for these things, but unfortunately I think sometimes it just takes time. You've lost an important part of your life, so it's okay to take time to grieve, as silly as that might seem
What sort of things do you normally like to do to lift your mood?
Hey @Mstar123. Thank you so much for posting about this. I went through a similar experience in high school, and your words really resonated with me.
I'm wondering if you've ever spoken to a counsellor, or if that's something you might consider?
Thinking of you!
Glad someone can relate. I haven't and was (still am) considering it (counselling).
Over the weekend I went out and hung with some new people and also had some new great experiences with old friends. So as an update that has really helped me to put this situation in perspective and realise I will get through this.
I know i'm happy right now and most likely later will feel sad about it so still looking for help with the situation but at least thats some progress.
I'm glad that you had fun over the weekend 🙂 Hopefully the new people turn into new friends 🙂
I hope you have a good week! 😄
Yes, I hope so too!
Update: I've started a my new job which is going really well, and is helping me to move on and forget about my old friend. As sad as it was she was holding me back (the main reason i hadn't moved jobs yet was because of her). She was struggling herself and It made me feel like it was ok to just breeze through life without working hard. And that's not the case. It made me feel shitty having a crap job and sitting around all the time. I now feel a lot more productive as my new job has a lot of new responsibilities.
Although things are going better I still get bursts of saddness or anger, especially when I have to see her at group outings, and when she talks in our groupchats. It just angers me that she seems not to care, after how close we were.
Alot of people have told me that loosing a best friend is exactly like breaking up with a boyfriend, and that is 100% it. Something that took up so much time and energy and made you so happy all of a sudden gone from your life. It makes me think what I have to live for now shes gone, and although i know other things, its just hard sometimes.
Are there any strategies you could try for when you encounter your friend during group chats or outings? It can be tough to loose someone close to us that we've spend a lot of time with but it does get better 🙂
In regards to counselling, not having much time or money can make it difficult, although online services such as KidsHelpLine, while they do have wait times, are a great free alternative to help us out when we need it. But as always it's up to you 🙂
Sorry for the late response i completely forgot. Yeah I'm still considering help because my emotions are going up and down alot.
Recently I found out an event my whole groups going too is going to her house for it meaning i cant go with them. It really sucks and has made me feel really sad tonight,
Have you reached out to any of the helplines at all? They might be able to offer some insight into whether you should consider counselling and strategies on how you can go about it.
I'm sorry to hear about the event, it sucks that you can't go. Is it on tonight? Are there any distractions that you can use to help you get through the evening?
Hi, I'm back. 🙂
I stumbled back onto this post as I was looking through old threads. It made me feel happy, as I remembered how sad and depressed I was at this time, and how difficult it was for me to get over it.
I do still occasionally think about my old friend, but I'm so much better now than I was. The group of friends we shared I have moved on from, and found much better ones. I have a new best friend, who is amazing and we get along so well. Without her I don't know where I would be.
Although things happen which can put me down, I feel overall very lucky to have found this new person and new friends.
Hey @Mstar123, thanks for coming back to update us. I’m so glad you have found another friend, and that you’re doing much better now. 🙂
I also agree that it can be like breaking up with a boyfriend. The emotional part of our brain isn't always great at differentiating - all it sees is a relationship with someone that's now no longer in your life. It can really suck, but that's okay.
You mentioned you've thought about counselling - where are you at with that idea right now?
I don't know - i know it would be helpful but i don't have much time or money to spend on it.
I also am unsure if i fully need it? Talking about it seems to help but im still unsure
@Mstar123 that's understandable. Those are some pretty common concerns so it's normal to feel a bit unsure.
What would you think of chatting to a service like Kids Helpline? They have free online or phone counselling and you can talk about whatever you'd like (I remember one conversation I had with them years ago, where we spent half the time just talking about food... :P). Of course, we're here for you too 🙂
Ill think about it and give it a shot,
For now i might stick to RO i think its helping
Glad to hear you're doing better and have been re-connecting with some old friends - falling out with people you trust is really tough, and it can be really hard to resist isolating yourself after it happens. Touching base with friends kinda makes you remember that even though you might not be on speaking terms with that one person anymore, you're definitely not alone, and that there are other people who will help you get through this (and other things to come).
It's also great that you're actively thinking of ways to get help and look after yourself. Keep us posted on how you go! 😄
Hey @Mstar123 I've just removed your other identical post from wellbeing, as you already have an existing thread here in tough times On RO we aren't able to crosspost, you can read about this in the community guidelines. 🙂
