feeling as if no one is there

Hi @ferdie22, 

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing! I really do hear you about feeling lonely, isolated and unappreciated, especially at the moment with COVID restrictions. I also totally understand how heartbreaking it can be when your friends ghost you with no explanation, it really is so hard to take sometimes. I was going to ask how you're going with self-care/doing things for yourself? I know this might sound silly but in times in my life where I have felt really lonely, I've found that in practising being kind to myself, and in being my own friend, I was able to shift my energy into a place of self-worth and actually ended up attracting amazing relationships. I was also better equipped to reach out and heal old relationships from a place of greater confidence! In doing so I also realised that a part of me didn't feel good enough for friends for a long time, and that I was subconsciously sabotaging my relationships because I believed this deep down, but through self-compassion, I was able to start addressing this and choosing and living in the space of "I deserve good!" Which we all do no matter what! ❤️ 

@GioDes it is super frustrating with friends coz all I want to do (as someone very sort of forward thinking and good at moving on) is fix it! I do understand that for them it might take time to heal though. 

That is really good advice about the self care, I can absolutely understand how that confidence would improve relationships, I just find it hard to get from the spot I'm at now to that position. I think I definitely self sabotage my relationships by overthinking, assuming they hate me and then acting needy until they do actually dislike me too. But I'm going to try your advice on self care and learn to like myself again. 

Hey @ferdie22, 

Please know you are not alone in those behaviours I bloody hear you! It can be so hard to undo old habits and learn to value ourselves, but the fact you are here, talking about how you feel is bloody awesome! ❤️ I just wanted to check-in and see how you're going with it all this week? 

Sorry for the really late reply @GioDes ! I never saw the emails for these replies and only saw now the little notifications bell on the website.

Things were going okay, two really close friends of mine visited during the Holiday period as borders were finally opened, and while Christmas was stressful it felt good to be able to see them again. I think I have discovered a good way to keep my mind off things is by hanging out with people and filling my days with that.

On the negative side, I had to quarantine for 2 weeks after being in a place where someone had Covid. I wasn't able to leave the house or see anyone which I think has put me into a bad mental state. It's finally up, luckily, and I get to go back to work tomorrow.

I think that lonliness I talked about earlier in regards to not having a strong friendship group has been getting to me, as I feel like I always try to make time to reach out to them but I never get the same love back. I don't know if this is just me being selfish though.

Along with this, I tried to reach out to an old friend that backfired on me after they told me to never contact them for the reason that I was abusive to them and by messaging them it proves I 'haven't changed'. I think I have a vague idea of what they were talking about, that being I was a pretty jealous friend, having grown up with no one close to me I think I would cling too tightly to those who took an interest which would in turn make them leave (of course). But at the time we were both only young, I don't think I really knew what I was doing.

While this is of course okay for them to feel it leaves me wondering if all my relationships are like this, and if friends secretly feel this way about me. I sort of just wish I could start life again

Sorry for unloading that on everyone here, I think I probably need to go see a psych again soon to talk about this stuff with.

Hi @ferdie22, please do not apologise! 

Relationships are so hard to navigate at the best of times, and it sounds like you are very self aware and recognise potential patterns in behaviour which is bloody huge! I was wondering if you have any strategies in place at the moment for when difficult thoughts or feelings arise? Or any self care practices that are just for you? 

Hey @ferdie22,

Sorry to hear that you had to quarantine for 2 weeks and this put you an a bad mental state.  It's great that you are going back to work tomorrow, it sounds like it has a great social aspect for you.  It seems that you find it helpful to spend time with people and being socialite to fill in the time. 

It must be hurtful to have had your friend say that you were being abusive and haven't changed.  It sounds like you have been doing some deep reflection since this interaction.  It's important to recognise that you were young when you had this friendship and sometimes we upset others without meaning to.  We live and we learn.  

I understand that you may be thinking that all your friends are thinking the same thing as your previous friend.  However is it possible that you may be doing things differently in present relationships and may have a different dynamic in your current friendships?  

The forums are here for you to discuss whatever it is you seek support with and there is no need to apologise for being vulnerable.  It is what the community is here for.  

hi @ferdie22 

 i just wanted to welcome you! well done for reaching out!

Hey @ferdie22 I hope games conventions come back next year! I reckon they will, it must have been tough not being able to do that, I've heard that the online versions of them are just really not the same as well which is such a shame.

Also sewing and crafting is V cool! We have a lot of crafters on the forum, there is a hobbies thread that might interest you 

I think @GioDes advice about self care is really lovely. It definitely can be hard to get to that place when you overthink things, that is completely understandable. What kind of self-care do you think you might try?

Hey @ferdie22 that is so nice to hear that you feel less stranded, that is what we're all here for 

covid has definitely made going to events and seeing people a lot harder  I hope you get to have some more nice chats on the forum.

That does sound super hurtful that your friends have ghosted, that is really awful. And it's understandable that this makes you want to stay close to your other friends, what do you like to do with them?

@Hannah-RO 

I'm really into video games and cosplay, which is something I really enjoy doing with my friends! We usually meet up at conventions, especially interstate or international friends which I hope will come back next year. I love sewing/crafting too and I do a lot of this with friends too.