Special Discussion: Healthy Friendships
This month we are diving into a discussion about Healthy Relationships. The first part of this discussion is on healthy friendships.
One of the most important parts of life are the people we surround ourselves with. The friendships you make often reflect parts of your identity. Some friendships remind us of different parts of our life and some of our best memories 
Some friendships don’t last long and others are hard to break. Healthy friendships can make us feel on top of the world and when a friendship is ending or changing it can really hurt.
We wanted to create a space here to talk about what a healthy friendship looks like and how to respond if you feel a friendship of yours has become toxic. Feel free to get involved in adding to these lists
Healthy friendships look like:
- Respecting each other's boundaries
- Appreciating each others differences
- Comfortable silences
- Great conversations
- Mutual support giving/receiving
Unhealthy friendships look like:
- Jokingly teasing you
- Disrespecting your beliefs
- Crossing important boundaries
- Taking and never giving
Activity:
Share a funny/happy memory you have with a good friend
What do you think helps to expand your friendship circle?
How do you cope with changing friendships?
Comments
Such a wholesome thread @Bre-RO
What do you think helps to expand your friendship circle?
As cliche as it may sound...here I go... yes, join. the. clubs. at. university. or highschool. As many as you can! You'll find one that you vibe with forever and you won't regret the time you invested in it!
How do you cope with changing friendships?
Tbh, I'm still learning how to deal with this one. I try to remember that if a bond is sacred, it will never break!
Share a funny/happy memory you have with a good friend
Once, we were in a Sportsgirl changing room helping each other in and out of these hella complex gown and we were jammin' to Lizzo as you do and were thought the changeroom curtain was fully closed but nooo the sales assistant saw us dancing away and it was so awkward and wholesome and ugh ❤️
Share a funny/happy memory you have with a good friend!
I went on a trip to japan with a couple of friends and sprained my foot when I went for a morning jog. One of my friends was especially kind and bought me cooling spray for my sprained foot, going through a lot of hand gestures and foot pointing when they weren't able to communicate with the clerk. That was a nice memory since I didn't expect them to buy such things for me. 😄
What do you think helps to expand your friendship circle?
I think joining groups/communities both physically and online can help us expand our friendship circles! Groups/communities where we share common goals, interests, or ideas can certainly help us build more long-lasting friendships.
How do you cope with changing friendships?
For me, after moving around different countries several times in my life, friendship changes always occur, whether it be by moving away, growing up, or being very busy. For me, coping with these changes in friendships involves accepting that notion that they do change at times for better or worse. I think that recognising this helps with moving on and finding new friendships to build rather than dwelling on previous ones.
Such a great topic and increasingly more important for our generation as more friendships are made/drifting through social media!
Share a funny/happy memory you have with a good friend
I have a really good friend in particular who I always end up matching outfits with coincidentally every time we see each other!
What do you think helps to expand your friendship circle?
I agree with everything that everyone has said before in terms of finding friends with common interests, but I think what is more important is finding someone who supports you know matter what. It shouldn't be about having to like the same stuff as each other, but more about accepting that everyone is different and being kind, respectful and open to getting to know them regardless. I personally find that it's a great way to actually get to know yourself more as well, and you can also pick up interests that you never even knew you had!
How do you cope with changing friendships?
Friendships will always come and go and the amount of quality time you spend with a particular friend can change all the time. I think social media is such a great advantage that we have to stay connected to the people we value no matter how busy our lives get and no matter where we go. It's okay if you go from talking everyday to once every couple of months, I think everyone sees that as pretty normal as our life demands change, and as long as you can remain courteous and kind to your friends no matter how the friendship is changing I think that is all that matters.
Share a funny/happy memory you have with a good friend
I have so many, one that just popped into my head was from year 11/12 when my drama class went to Sydney to see the top Drama projects from the previous years' group. My friend and I were walking through one of the shopping complexes and we spotted this awesome display of mannequins and my friend wanted a photo with them, and as we went to take a photo the security guard came up and was like "no photo" and we ran out of there so quick it was hilarious! 😂
What do you think helps to expand your friendship circle?
There's been some great ideas listed, which I'm going to look into.
Personally I have a small friendship circle and I prefer quality over quantity, but sometimes when they are busy I feel lonely. (Introverted problems)
How do you cope with changing friendships?
I try to remind myself that the important friendships and ones worth keeping will naturally keep ongoing. I've had friendships in the past only last for as long as there was a mutual connection, be it study, work etc. And that's okay, not everyone you become friends or acquaintances with will stay in your life forever 🙂
I also love what @Jess1-RO said "people come into your life for a purpose" which is kind of what I'e touched on above 🙂
@Bre-RO This is a great topic! I think the lists are really helpful.
Something I've also seen 'fake friends' do is that they just communicate with you to find out gossip, as opposed to actually offering to support you like a true friend. When my sister was in hospital, one of my neighbours came to our house. I thought she was coming to ask how I was doing and if I needed anything, especially as I was only leaving the house on weekends to go to the hospital because I was caring for my grandma, who had fallen. I also didn't have much prepared at home and often went hungry because I hadn't expected my sister to be hospitalised for so long. I was in the middle of explaining the situation when she started interrupting me with the most inane questions about my life choices and I felt like she only came to find out gossip and criticise me, which is not what I needed during that time.
Share a funny/happy memory you have with a good friend
Last year, we visited a family friend who had moved interstate. We went shopping together, sat together in a park and took lots of pictures. That memory stands out to me because it was before my sister got really sick. After that, a lot of our 'friends' abandoned us and we didn't get as much contact with people after that, but this friend still keeps in touch with us and supports us.
What do you think helps to expand your friendship circle?
I have made a lot of friends through volunteering and also getting to know the people who work in my local area. Joining a group of some sort, such as a fandom or a hobby group, can also expand your friendship circle. I used to make a lot of friends through playing the same video games.
How do you cope with changing friendships?
Something that has personally helped me is recognising that people can 'outgrow' each other. I've had to end a lot of friendships with people who were just using me or couldn't be bothered staying in touch. Writing about my feelings also helps me.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this @WheresMySquishy
I think you've raised a really good point around fake friends pretending to support you to get gossip! I'm sorry to hear you've had experiences where you felt criticised, especially when you needed a friend
I'm happy to hear you have a friend who continues to support and keep in touch with you.
Share a funny/happy memory you have with a good friend
My recent funny/happy memory with a friend would be with one of my amazing girlfriends, and we actually happen to be housemates!! We were sitting outside in the sun doing some art together, listening to music and singing and be really silly. We took lots of funny selfies with my polaroid camera to capture the fun afternoon we spent together.
What do you think helps to expand your friendship circle?
Meeting my partner has drastically expanded my friendship group/circle. I've made many more close friendships since being with him which I'm so grateful for. This, however, is such a challenging thing to do, and I wonder whether I'd have the friendships that I do now, if it wasn't for meeting my partner.
When I was living alone and not in a relationship, I found this very hard to "expand my circle of friends". Going to the gym classes or yoga was a good way to meet people, just had to muster up the confidence to start small talk with people.
How do you cope with changing friendships?
Change for anyone is a difficult and challenging time. I think it is important to practice self-care during these times, I like to be really open and communicate how I feel to my family, or close friends (whom the friendship isnt changing with).
Also talking to my counselor about these situations helps a lot, release some built-up emotions, or explore difficult situations. I believe difficult times are always times where lots of self-growth and expansion happens
I am just going to tag a few more people who might be interested in this one 🙂
@TidalDecade @Charlie22 @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @ecla34 @Hozzles @TaylaMH @rosiiboo96 @lokifish @I_am_not_Groot @ErinsAntics
I might add my experience to this one too!
Share a funny/happy memory you have with a good friend
Growing up I had a best friend who was so much fun. We both went to school together, played sport together and traveled everywhere (I often would ring her house phone forgetting that the number I dialed was not my house).
I remember going on holidays together and have the best time on the enormous sand dunes, sliding down them together.
What do you think helps to expand your friendship circle?
Playing team sport has really helped me. I find meeting new people hard. It took me a year to build the courage but I joined sporting teams with people I didn’t know and that really helped!
How do you cope with changing friendships?
I remember this; people come into your life for a purpose. That may be for a reason, a season or a lifetime. The challenge is letting that friendship move on, even when we want them to stay for longer someone wise told me that this year and it is something I am going to try and live by
What a good topic! Unfortunately, I don't believe I've had many healthy friendships in my life, so this is a bit of a sour topic for me 
. Sometimes a toxic friendship can look healthy and be really fun, but once you're in a time of need they seem to criticise or disappear. The list of qualities of the different types of friendship is helpful and really accurate, I believe! I especially like the 'comfortable silences' one. I'm an introvert but I find it better when I'm recharging and relaxing in silence with someone that really understands me and is on my wavelength. I also feel this can apply to online friendships -- sometimes I lose contact with my online friends as life gets busy, but I love that I can pick up a conversation even after months of no communication and they will understand.
Share a funny/happy memory you have with a good friend.
One time, my friend went to a monthly event that they thought I would like to go to. Before inviting me to go, they went on their own first to make sure it was an environment I would feel comfortable with and wouldn't trigger my anxiety too much. It's just small things like this that mean so much to me.
What do you think helps to expand your friendship circle?
I'm not sure, personally. I've tried almost everything (volunteering, hobby groups, online chats) but I really struggle to get close with people, past the causal acquaintance level. I think it definitely has something to do with the energy/ body language you're putting out -- if you look reserved and closed off people pick up on that and may not want to approach you, even if you're only doing it unconsciously as a defence mechanism. It's something I definitely am trying to work on.
How do you cope with changing friendships?
Again, it's really hard for me as I don't have many friends. It's been hard in the past, but it helps to remind myself that sometimes it's for the best if the friendship was toxic or our values do not align in some way. Since a some of my current friendships have come from primary school, I've had to accept people grow and change through the years. Sometimes, the friendship can change from toxic to healthy as people grow!
Hi @Hozzles and thank you for such an open and honest response to this special discussion, you have been so generous with sharing your experience and I am sure that so many people can relate
I think you have made a few really good important points about toxic friendships. When you find people that share your values and understand you it can make for a strong friendship, but when that values base and understanding are missing it can be really challenging to maintain the friendship. You've mentioned that over the years you have felt a few friendships have become toxic, I would be interested to hear what you feel the key signs are that someone might be in an unhealthy friendship?
I also really admire what you have mentioned about trying to be more open/aware of body language with others- I can imagine that would take a really conscious effort to do
Not wanting to spend time with that friend.
As @Bre-RO out in the list, that friend not giving after taking.
There’s many more, but I have to get ready for school.
// Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m Possible” //
1. A one of my memories with friends was just laughing with each other. But this was way before they backstabbed me, and made the friendship a toxic one. I have been through this multiple times.
2. I’ve never been good with expanding or even making friend circles. But I guess it’s like going on a journey to find hidden treasure. For me, I always looked in the wrong place for that treasure. I would think I found a beautiful gem, but really it was a lump of coal. Like @Hozzles said, some people can change from toxic to healthy, like coal can change into a diamond. This has never happened to me though. Really they’re a lump of coal anyway, even when you think you’ve polished the gem inside.
Honestly, I agree with @Jess1-RO and @WheresMySquishy. Volunteering, hobby groups and work places are all great ways to try and find new friends.
Sometimes even looking for people like you is better. I know that I’m a student who loves to learn and get things done, so when I found my lumps of coal weren’t really gems, I found a group of nerds like me. We all hang out every lunch, so that helps a lot. But uh... yeah, find new groups or things you like, and you can make friends.
3. I personally have never coped with friendships changing. All my past friends have left me by moving entirely out of the area, or backstabbed me.
Whenever my friend group changed, I would isolate myself, and become depressed. I would even sit alone at lunch crying.
I have otherwise learned other ways to cope, like going to the gym and getting rid of some of the sadness by doing weights or using the bikes. Drawing can also help, but I don’t recommend this one for myself.
Talking out sadness and anything else you may feel, is definitely something everyone needs to do. If they feel that is. My chaplain helped a lot, and she still does.
Sorry if this kind of sucks, but there’s my experiences... 🙂
// Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m Possible” //
