TW Feeling shit about myself

Hi there @Tiny_leaf 

How are you going today? It really must have been so upsetting for you to see all that. All you wanted was some support and you were exposed to some really stigmatising material. That must have been really disheartening to say the least. 

I can  sense from this post that you an ethical person with a high sense of justice. It's people like you that make the world a fairer place - even just by pointing out these issues in society and bringing attention to them. In saying that, being that kind of person can be hard when you come across upsetting things online.  

I've found avoiding google when looking for mental health help is best. I only use search engines on established sites for mental health. I've listed a few below for your reference (I know you're quite resourceful, so apologies if I'm telling you stuff you already know). 

Neami National: This is an org that provide mental heath support. You can search what is available in your area. I noticed that you weren't keen on face to face support? If this isn't something you're up to doing it could be worth contacting them to see if they have some local knowledge on support groups that would suit your needs. 

Black Dog Institute: This is a page on their website that outlines whats available in each state in terms of service providers. 

Ask Izzy is a page where you can put your location and search for specific services. I would go through the health tab, and then onto social and emotional well being. It will then show you mental health supports in your area. 

SANE also have forums and a chat service you can use if you're not wanting face to face support. They specialise in schizophrenia and psychosis. 

I hope they come in handy if you're ever wanting to look for help online  

@Bananatime04 oof...

Patella femoral pain's apparently fairly common in teenagers, I think I had it at one point..

From memory HealthDirect has a page on it.

It didn't really click until it went back in, but there was a horrible stabbing/ burning pain just behind my knee cap when I put weight on it.

Yeah, I probably should see a gp. I really don't have the energy to deal with another gp appointment though. Like it costs way too much energy-wise.

I might mention it to my neurologist though, he'd probably be interested in any physical issues going on in my worse leg and I have an appointment today anyway. 

TW for stigma around psychosis

So it turns out that when you look up support groups for specifically for psychosis, you get:

• stories about "schizophrenics" killing people, violent criminals being armchair-diagnosed as psychotic, people who actually have schizophrenia being unfairly fired from there jobs, etc etc

• extremely de-humanizing studies (because apparently psychotic people will never actually look for information on their conditions and therefore don't need safe resources)

• support groups for people who know someone who has psychosis, which actually psychotic people are not invited into

I have basically learnt:

• the general public is pretty sure people like me are out to get them (and not... y'know.. hiding under like five blankets trying not to hear anything)

• I'm more of a "fascinating" (literally in the title of at least one report) concept for psychologists to ponder than an actual person who actually has to deal with one of these 'most fascinating conditions of the human mind'

• That most in-detail studies and reports into psychosis are to benefit and engage the researchers, rather than to actually help their subjects

• That I'm so much of a burden to everyone around me that they all need more support around my mental health than I do

• That the only actual support groups seem to be both in-person and in America 

• That 90% of my self-help attempts result in some stuff-up that makes everything worse and I should probably just get the hint and deal with it all by myself 

I really don't know what to do. I've tried every option I can think of at least twice.

I have no idea where to go for here.

I don't want to be safe, but everyone here's really nice and I don't want to upset anyone so I'll stay safe anyway and talk to KHL if anything changes. 

@Bre-RO @Bananatime04 not great really...

I wasn't able to do anything productive today either.. I'm too tired and need someone to walk me through even the simplest stuff but there's no help with that....

As for my knee I'm like 70% sure that I managed to get a subluxation (minor dislocation basically). Knees are not meant to make loud snapping noises. But that was it going back into place, which is good. My kneecap still feels really loose though. I'm hoping a knee brace and some rest will sort it out, because going to my doctor's takes more energy than I have right now. At least there doesn't seem to be any swelling.

Idk what I even did to it. My best guess is that I didn't even feel whatever the original thing was because it was masked by my "normal" pain.

Oh @Tiny_leaf I'm really sorry to hear that you've left the hospital on that note. It must have felt really dis-empowering to have the staff not allow you to advocate for yourself. How are you feeling today? 

We are thinking of you  

On a happier note my knee has just clicked back into place. Or further out of place..

Hmm....

the hospital seemed to plan it all so i wouldn't get to advocate for myself and missed my medication and didn't review anything and wouldn't even talk to me about it

@Andrea-RO the hospital's lying because conversion disorder doesn't even cause depressive or psychotic symptoms

plus i already had a neurologist looking into that side of things so they didn't need to interfere in that

but now they've said i don't even have deppression and therefore no phschotic features headspace won't help me

i can't find any advocacy services that aren't a nightmare to contact and can't find any proffesional help and i don't know where to go from here

Hey @Tiny_leaf, 

RO is always happy to listen how about you share with the rest of the community what's going on, and that way everyone can give their perspective and support

@Andrea-RO please can you help me?

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx @Bananatime04 I need to take a break sorry.... brain overloading

But thank you both for talking with me, and I promise I'll be safe 

@Bananatime04 though if you're getting upset from the conversation it's 100% okay to take a break 

@Bananatime04 I am safe, I promise.

But I've already had treatment for a condition I was misdiagnosed with, and sometimes it can make things worse...

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx idk sorry...

@Bananatime04 your advice is absolutely NOT shit.

It's actually really good. It should all work. But the health system is shit, it doesn't work how it should. 

And because of the misdiagnosis now headspace won't take me either.

The services I've been referred to are all for conversion disorder.

I have nowhere left to go