bullying myself
I'm making this because its a huge thing I need to work on and @Ben-RO asked me make a thread about it so here I am.
i say a lot of mean things to myself when I'm upset, not just a little bit either... I've become my biggest bully. I repeadely tell myself I'm an idiot, useless, a loser, stupid and a lot more. I don't know what else to say really, I just need some help with this.
Comments
@j95 this is a really cool idea for a thread! It's also great how you're so aware now of your physical response when you get angry, and that you have an alternative for when the negative feelings get to a point where you want to self-harm.
I like @Sophie-RO's idea of throwing those notes away, or maybe even ripping them up - once you've got the bad thoughts down on paper, you could get rid of them as a kind of symbolic gesture that you don't believe them and that you know you aren't what your thoughts tell you.
What do you think?
Let us know when it's done. Nice one
Have you had any success in challenging your thoughts? I find writing down your negative thoughts and challenging them in a journal helps. But it does take a while to get a hang of it. I think it's one of those things you have to just keep practicing.
Hey @j95,
Good work on making this thread, I'm sure you'll help out other people by chatting about this as well.
Self talk is a really hard thing and even though we often have people telling us that we "aren't stupid" or whatever your head might be saying at the time, it can be really hard to believe. Is this something you've been struggling with for a while?
How do you think challenging these negative thoughts might go for you? Do you think you could give it a go? When I say challenging negative thoughts what I mean is when you notice yourself saying mean things to yourself, literally stop yourself and say (sometimes out loud helps for the first few days) an example of when your negative thought wasn't true. Like this one that I struggles with for a long time: neg thought: "I'm not getting anywhere in life" challenge out loud "you're wrong, I'm doing my best. I'm working and studying and doing everything I can, I'm smart and determined."
Let us know what you think,
Lahna
It's something I have struggled with my entire life, I don't remember a time when I didn't hate on myself. The voice in the back of my head saying these things has always been there. Even as a recent as this morning I got angry and wrote a big long list of the things I hate about myself and how I'm this and that.
I could try challenging the thoughts, it's something I have tried in the past.
That's okay @j95, we are here to help.
Sorry to hear that it's something you've struggled with all your life 😞 It sounds like it's really effecting you. I can imagine how it must effect your mood as well.
How did you go with challenging your thoughts in the past?
I hope that doing this will help stop those negative thoughts flowing straight away, and hopefully then you wont have those big long lists of things.
Have you got much happening today?
I'm just a trade school today, feeling a bit miserable.
@Creativegirl12 that's a good idea might work if I was good at remembering g to do stuff
Sounds like it is a coping strategy of sorts, though a bit of an unhealthy one. What does it give you in that moment? A release? An outlet or focus for your anger?
Do you still have the list from the other morning or any others? If so, a good step would be to go through and throw them all away.
I guess it's going to take a lot on your part to force yourself - in the moment - to challenge the negative things you are saying and thinking. So just take it one step at a time
A couple of thoughts from me
- Even if you can't think of the 'positive' things to begin with, it's a good start to even just catch yourself and say "I'm bullying myself right now"...
- Try and catch yourself as early as possible. Can you think back on the last time you had a moment like this, what were the first signs that you were getting angry? Is there anything you can look out for in yourself as a warning sign to notice when you are getting angry and potentially turning into a self-bully?
We're behind you all the way
@Sophie-RO I no longer self harm so writing all this stuff down is like my way of getting that anger out without actually hurting myself. It's like I've replaced it with something that's almost as bad.
Yeah I have them all on my phone, so I'll go through and delete them.
i know all the warning signs as I'm getting angry, like my heart rate goes up, I get tense.
@j95 i want to show you this awesome post @Kaz-RO made a couple of days ago for @Bay82VU in their self-compassion thread. It's not always about fighting a battle with the thoughts and proving every single one of them wrong, i guess that might help, but a lot of people reckon the trick is to just notice the thought and then let it pass. This takes a LOT of practice but it's totally a thing that can work!
Is that something you're interested in having a go at? I am actually wondering if a few of us could get together and have a go at it at the same time and make a thread to talk about how we're going. I will totally do this too!
