struggling
i am sorry i havent been here and havent been as supportive as i normally would. i have been really busy but also my mental health has really gone downhill along with my physical health. i am in the middle of getting some tests to confirm whether i have a form of cancer or if it something else causing these symptoms/ i am struggling quite badly where im at the point that im struggling to even ask for help, see the point in seeking support or even wanting to ask now. its not really the way i wanted to come back and i know i dont deserve support esp for being so neglectful here but it would be much appreciated if i could have some support and help.
unfortunatly yes im safe just struggling badly.
i tried to speak with headspace, they gave me 20 minutes to talk gave me an exercise that i already done and thats was it. it was unhelpful and just made me feel presured to talk.
i dont know how im going to get through everything, every day theres something new to worry about and nothing is dissipating. it just keeps adding and adding and adding.
hi @Beautifullybroken nice to see you again
i have tried other helplines but im abit to tired to contact them again for a few days. i spoke with my psychologist today and it felt really pointless so i dont think ill be going back now.
i feel really quite awful and high self harm urges ( im safe) so im trying to manage those tonight and hopefully an early bed time
honestly im not sure what wouldve made the session more helpful. i havent been feeling therapy has been that helpful for a while now. what i feel comfortable talking about limits me so i know its my fault its not getting very far. i guess part of me just wants to shut down and ignore it all and just move on from it even though i know that may not be the best option. Therapy unfortunatly to start with made things alot worse for me when i first started on my mh journey so perhaps that is part of the reason im not as open to therapy as other people may be.
it is really hard though, as i feel i need support however sometimes when the support isnt helpful (and often im not that sure what that looks like so it makes it trickier) it makes me feel alot worse and i start to loose hope and faith.
i am currently doing cbt with exposure therapy incorportated into it. i have done alot of this sort of work and another sort but i cant remember what it was called. also done some dbt on my own as well.
i think honestly atm i dont know about therapy. im sort of wondering if ive just reached a point where ive had enough of it. and then another possibility is maybe she isnt the right therapist.
ive been seeing her for basically a year now and i still dont feel all that comfortable with her, i mean shouldnt a year be long enough to be pretty comfortable in sharing details with them? i m still not i go there and all i cna think about is 'is the session over yet, i want to leave' and its not jsut one or 2 sessions its been bassically since i started therapy.
Hey there @scared01
I'm sorry to hear you haven't been taking much from therapy. It sounds like you've tried to give it good shot, having been doing it for a year. I think it's important to say that you're not alone in finding having to talk about mental health a challenge. It's quite normal to want to put it to the side, so with that said good on you for trying therapy. It isn't easy to sit in a room with someone you don't know and tell them your innermost fears. Are there some other ways you can express yourself when talking about it isn't helping?
ive been working hard on it, i just dont seem to be getting anywhere 😞
i just started a thread called 'therapy issues' which will explain some more.
At the moment as unhelpful as it sounds shutting down and 'ignoring it' seems to be the most helpful thing atm. like putting it on the backburner and focussing on what i need to do each day.
i have 2 options before i would have to fo to hospital. im on option 1 at the moment and then i start option 2 in a few days and then the end of next week i repeat the tests to see if there is an improvement or if it has been treated.
Wow @scared01! That sounds really scary. I'm sorry that you got some bad news. 
Luckily, they've caught the infection early. It's great that one of the doctors has seen it before.
I really hope that the treatment works and you can get better soon. I hope you won't have to go to hospital, but if you do have to go, hopefully you will be able to receive better treatment there and the doctors will be competent and more experienced in treating that type of infection.
the symptoms have shown up in 2 other places so ive sent an email to my gp practice to ask whether i need to come back to see her or to continue the treatment i have for the next 3 days as thats how long ive got to go before i start the next treatment.
i dont think itll be a hospital job (fingers crossed though!!) but it might take abit to clear up or need repeat treatments as in like needing to take 2 courses of each treatment to cure it all.
@scared01 I hope they work as well..
If making phone calls is a thing that you can do, there's also the option of speaking to a nurse here: https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/
I know it's probably not as good as seeing your gp, but its a way to get advice tonight if something happens or you need/ want advice straight away.
Is there anything you would like?
I have spoken with my chemist though and have 2 really simple treatments that I can use to treat the new symptoms. after 4 doses one is starting to get abit better so am taking that as a good sign
Hey @scared01
Not good to hear that you have an infection 
Sounds like you've sourced treatment from your chemist though. Have you heard back from the doctor you saw?
Hope you're feeling well and taking care of yourself
I heard back from my gp and she said I didn't have to make another appointment to see her, she wrote a prescription out for the second dose though so just had to go and pick it up. a few more days on this one and the new one and then I should be ok.
@scared01 that's really good to hear!
I hope that everything goes well.
Hey @scared01
It looks like a good sign that the doctor isn't needing to see you again. I'm wishing you a speedy recovery
Hey @scared01. That really sucks that your symptoms have come back. Illnesses can really take a toll on us not only physically but mentally as well, especially when they are unpredictable. How are you coping today with it? Its good to hear you have appointments booked and are on top of things in regards to your health! That's something that can get on top of us and become overwhelming sometimes.
im not really coping that well. theres so much happening here its hard to manage. really seems like it never ends. I feel like im always being a negative even though im trying my best to be happy or see the positives. 😞
