AMAA: LGBTIQA+ ReachOut Edition

A little late to the party, but loved reading everyone's responses! Thank you for organising this! :))

Hey all, 

Just had to say how much I absolutely loved this AMAA! There's SO much gold here it's hard to know how to unpack it all, I think I'm going to be revisiting this a few times to soak it all in, and I'm going to be honest and say I teared up a few times reading the conversation here. 

I definitely want to be the best ally I can be, and for me it's so important to constantly keep learning and listening. I especially loved the conversations about intersectionality (SO IMPORTANT!) , hearing about how people's journeys with their sexuality and gender identity are so  nuanced and complex and people's experiences with their families. 

Thanks so much to everyone for being so honest and vulnerable here- so grateful to be part of such an amazing community 

So excited for this AMAA! 🙂

Hi @WheresMySquishy !! thanks for joining us, so keen to get started. I'll give it a few more minutes to let some others join us 🙂 

So, first up! I just wanted to remind everyone that this months AMAA is for our beautiful LGBTIQA+ community. We know that there are many of you here with us on the forum and tonight you'll find that there are many of us working for ReachOut. 

We thought what better way to get to know each other a little more than to be the guests for this months AMAA. We had a bunch of people from across the organisation put their hands up to answer the questions we got. I must say, today when I read through the responses I felt super emotional (in a good way) and so proud to be part of the LGBTIQA+ community and ReachOut. 

Not at all @Lost_Space_Explorer5 welcome!! 🙂 glad to see you here 

The first question was such a great one. I got everyone who volunteered to answer it because we all have different experiences. Here are the responses we got from everyone: 

What advice would you give to your younger self, or an LGBTIQA+ young person?

The frequency with with you’ll say ‘I’m so glad I’m queer’ is quite astounding! Being queer will mean you find community wherever you go, will allow you to have a chosen family, and provide more glitz and glam than you thought possible. You will be genuinely thankful that you were born this gay, sorry,  way. 

- Annie, Content Team 

To my younger self I would say: Your queerness is a gift. It unlocks ways of living and being in the world that will bring you so much joy. You will wear pink and glitter and be taken seriously as a feminist. You will have loves and intimacies that don't fit into hetero boxes and that will feel like family on your own terms. You will have the tools to express who you are and you will be around people who understand, see you and love you for it.

- Katherine, Research Team 

Questioning your identity can be confusing, and might make you wonder if you are valid. Firstly, you are so valid. Secondly, a label (eg. bisexual or gay) can be something that you draw strength from, however, you may not closely identify with any label and that’s fine too. Being part of the LGBTIQA+ community means you have a beautiful opportunity to develop a chosen family for yourself and feel joy like nothing else.

- Sophie, Research Team 

I would say to myself: Be kind to yourself. You are valid and your experience is normal. You may feel confused and lonely now but you will figure it out and find people who love and support you for who you are. Internalised stigma is a thing, and the people you love are kinder than you think and at the end of the day those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter! You are going to live a life of joy and pride and you are going to shine. Literally. Because you will develop an obsession with glitter. It’s going to be ok x

- Hilary, Research Team 

I would want to reinforce the idea that there is nothing you need to do to prove you belong to this community. We are all welcome here and you don’t need to rush figuring things out. I have identified as a number of the different letters in the LGBTQIA+ alphabet soup at different times and that is ok! Everyone is entitled to their own journey and it’s no one else's business. You do you, you have got this.

- @Hannah-RO, Community Team 

Such a great question, I actually have found that the things I would say to my younger self I still say today as it is still relevant. Celebrate who you are and be patient with the time it takes to work that out. There is no wrong way to understand your sexuality's, gender and identity. Don't think that just because you feel one way that you can’t change how you feel or identify differently from day to day. Know that who you are is enough and you don’t need to prove anything to anyone and that is also true within the queer community. Feel free to explore gender and sexuality however you want. Lastly being queer is freaking awesome and makes you unique, brave, empathetic and fabulous!! Love yourself because you are wonderful just as you are!

- @Claire-RO, Community Team

 I would tell myself - one day you’ll be living a life that seems like a dream right now. I know you feel awkward and scared of your identity. I promise one day you’ll move past those feelings and you’ll be so amazed by how supportive people will be. You will meet the most colourful, unique people in the world. You will celebrate yourself. You will fall in love. You will learn the meaning of pride.  There will be hard times but it will all be worth it. There will be moments that you will stop and marvel at how far you’ve come and how safe you feel in the queer spaces you will find yourself in. Enjoy the journey, it’s one of the best ones you’ll ever have.

- @Bre-RO, Community Team 

I would tell my younger self that while you will go through a confusing and confronting time you will come out of it stronger. You will find that you are part of a community that is determined to live life to the fullest and support each other. While the reactions from coming out will vary – you have less to worry about than you think, even if sometimes it takes time. And you’ll come to appreciate and love the saying ‘friends are the family you choose’. I’d tell any young person to be your true self, be ambitious, be bold and don’t let anyone hold you back in making your life everything you want it to be.   

- Ben, Leadership Team 

Those answers are so touching!
I really like the themes of staying kind to yourself, normalising the experience, and being part of a community.

Yep you def picked up on some really important themes there @WheresMySquishy  Being kind and patient with yourself is key. 

Haha same @Lost_Space_Explorer5 

No worries at all @Lost_Space_Explorer5 🙂 

Let's get into this next question, something that is a very common experience and I am glad this was shared  

I think I might be trans or non-binary and I don't know how to feel about it

I know how hard that can be as I have struggled with it my whole life. When I was a little kid some days I would like to be called Jake and other days I would like to be called Claire, for me I just didn’t feel like I fit being a girl but I also didn't want to be a dude. It was confusing and I spent a lot of time feeling out of place. I think the fact that you are questioning is so awesome it shows that you are honouring your truth.

Whatever you are feeling is real for you and don't ever think that what you are feeling and experiencing is not valid. I guess for me once I accepted that I dont 100% fit being a woman a big weight was lifted as I could just be me, and that means that sometimes I feel neutral about gender and other days I feel like I sway towards feeling feminine or masculine and that is 100% fine. The most important thing is you feel comfortable in how you identify and express yourself. Gender is fluid, it is not finite so be kind to yourself as you explore. When I opened up to my family, friends, and workplace that also helped as I felt like I could be my authentic self, this may not be something you want to do and that's totally fine, you get to choose who you want to share your journey with.  I recently got a puppy and I named him Jake which means Claire and Jake get to exist together and that fills my heart with happiness.

- @Claire-RO, Community Team 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 @WheresMySquishy hahaha so true, I do that all the time. Just sitting there thinking '...wait that was a bit gay, wasn't it?'. . I only came to recognise my sexuality when I was about 18 because mental health/ school got in the way lol but I think it's definitely always been this way.

The name Jake reminds me of Jacob from twilight And when bella would always shout "JAKE!" That series was so funny. I always laugh when I think of scenes from it- like when bella wakes up screaming in the most guttural way- that acting though. Anyway where were we that was a bit of a tangent 😅

I'd love to perform in drag one day!  So true that you can be as extravagant or as quiet as you like. My friend sometimes worries she doesn't 'look queer enough' so she wears a rainbow wristband everywhere hahah. Just do whatever feels natural!

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 hahahah for some reason I've really grown to love the Twilight movies recently and I'm not even sure if it's in an ironic way anymore

@Bre-RO  I love all the different ways of expressing queerness Annie suggested.
@Hozzles  I also agree that you can be as bold as you like, or as subtle as you like. I recently bought some subtle pride pins and a lanyard that can be reversed to have subtle or more bolder colours.

Me too @Hozzles I so admire people who get up and do drag. I have been more of a quiet gay...but maybe one day that will change as my confidence grows. 

And I have heard that so many times... I used to be worried that I didn't come across gay so I totally relate to your friend. The pride wristband does the trick, subtle but powerful all at once 🙂 

And @Lost_Space_Explorer5 I think you are totally not alone with the thought that you have to have an experience first. As you said, you wouldn't expect that from others but we often put more pressure on ourselves than what we would ever dream of putting on other people. It's okay if it takes time, as the comments at the beginning of the chat said - be kind to yourself, you'll work it out  

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  That's disappointing! I ended up buying mine online from overseas because they had free shipping. But I think Minus18 sells them too.
I saw some friends at work wearing them and I just had to get one too.