- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Float this Topic for Current User
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Printer Friendly Page
Sexuality...what?
Hi.. so for a couple of months now I’ve been questioning my sexuality. I think I might be bi, but I don’t know. I’m also worried if I do end up coming out as bi, but then it turns out I was straight people will be like “attention seeker”. I think another part of it is that I’m sort of denying if I am bi because bi doesn’t really seem like ‘me’? That probably doesn’t make sense...I’m so confused! Halp
Comments
Hey @Ummmm_what
It must be confusing to feel that way at the moment. Thank you for your honesty.
Here is a link to QLife, they provide anonymous peer support and advice for people wanting to talk about gender and sexuality. You may or may not find it helpful but thought I would share it with you.
At the end of the day we are all humans and it shouldn't matter what label others or we put on ourselves 🙂
Other people can also ask questions about their sexuality on here, but like, i probably won’t be able to answer most of them because I’m very new to all this. :^)
Hey @Ummmm_what
Welcome to the forums . It sounds like you're going through a period of discovery. It is both brave of you, yet normal to go through a stage where we question our sexuality. It's all part of the process of discovering ourselves. The things that seem like 'me' can fluctuate and change during this period so please don't worry about it. . Have you thought about speaking to someone about this? If you would like to, please try Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800. They have trained counsellors operating 24/7 to listen to you. They also have a webchat service here .
Of course, we are here to support you too!
Thanks for replying @TOM-RO 🙂 I probably will talk to them at some point, I just don’t know when I’ll have the opportunity to have some private time where no one can hear me talk.
Hi @Ummmm_what! Welcome to the forums! It's really brave of you to post here, especially at a time you're feeling so unsure!
It's totally normal to be questioning your sexuality, though it doesn't make the process any easier. To bounce off what @scared01 suggested (thanks for tagging me!) there are definitely pros and cons to having a set label for yourself. While a pro is having a better understanding of yourself and gaining a sense of community, finding an accurate label that fits you can sometimes be a challenge.
I also understand your worry that if you were to identify as bi, then it might one day not fit as much. A lot of people change the label they identify with as aspects of their life change. Sexuality can be regarded as 'fluid' and may change over time, or certain situations may allow you to gain a better sense of who you are. For example growing up with anxiety made me feel as if I had to repress my sexuality, causing me to identify as asexual most of my teenage years. After I got some help for my anxiety and stopped repressing my sexuality, I learnt more about myself and started identifying as gay. I see these periods of my life as being equally valid -- I wasn't 'lying' about myself, I was simply choosing the labels that best fit my feelings. If you decide to identify as bi now then later decide it's not for you, it necessarily doesn't mean you 'lied' about being bi!
I was wondering if you had any supports (a trusted friend, a psychologist, etc) you could talk to about this? @TOM-RO's suggestion of calling Kids Help Line is a good starting point! I also recommend visiting Q-Life, which has a lot of resources for young people regarding sexuality and offers both web and phone support!
Thanks for clearing up about the fluidity of sexual identity stuff @Hozzles , I didn’t really know.
I have a really good friendship group and I tell them lots of stuff. But I just don’t know how they’d react to this. It’s not like I get homophobic vibes or anything like from them, I just feel like they’d view me differently and maybe not be as comfortable around me. I don’t have a psychiatrist or anything like that so I’ll probably check those resources out. This felt really good to get it off my chest, and I really want to tell one of my friends but I don’t know if I can.
to me labels aren't important and also allows for more change rather then being set in stone. that fear is totally understandable for sure.
I too am questioning my sexuality and believe I am Bi too but I haven't come out to anyone and like you im honestly not really sure.
Would you like to share abit more about why you think your Bi? has something happened more recently to make you question it?
@WheresMySquishy @Hozzles @DruidChild @Bre-RO @N1ghtW1ng @Esperanza67 may be able to
share some more advice too
Thanks so much for replying @scared01 ! It’s great to hear from someone who is in a similar situation.
I am a girl and I have been attracted to boys a lot with minor crushes and thinking they’re cute sort of thing and wanting to date them. But then I started to think that girls are also really pretty and I noticed their appearance more often. That’s when I started to question my sexuality. At first it was just like “am I bi???”... “OMG I can’t believe I thought I was bi! I’m so straight lol.” ... “wait.. nah”. But then I started to get closer with this girl in my friend group and now I notice when she’s not there and I miss her 😬 I love talking to her and like ‘I really want to be friends with herTM but I’m already her friend sooo basically I think I may have a crush on her ._.
if you put an @ before the members name itll tag them for you 🙂
I am a girl too, I am mostly attracted to males but I also get attracted to female personalities.
its perfectly natural to question your sexuality esp when you start having different sorts of feelings of the same gender. for me it took abit of thinking about and still do. sometimes im purely attracted to girls because of their personality like they are really kind and funny etc but then there are times when the feelings are much stronger and theres a big part of me that wouldn't mind being more then a friend.
Qlife also has a chat so its just like talking here. I don get any privacy to contact helplines etc so having the webchat makes it heaps easier as I can contact them while im in bed. they are really good at these things too and how also to approach that person if you were to try and take that next step.
As this is really new to you, its worth seeing how your feelings progress and if its more of a friendship that your after or is it something more you crave...
@scared01 thanks for telling me about the tagging thing, I didn’t realise 😅
Q life sounds like a helpful resource, thanks! I’ll wait a while before I decide to tell anyone about my crush to see if it really is a crush, but I really want to tell someone about what I’m going through in general. I’m probably just going to blurt it out 🙄
So last night I was thinking yeah, I’m going to tell someone what I’m going through! Wow it is a lot harder than that I’m so dumb 😂 can’t really see me telling anyone in the future at all! And like I’m still figuring this out so what’s the rush??? Yeah wow
Hey @Ummmm_what
Yeah it can be really hard to open up about certain things. That is something I can relate to. It's important to take your time and open up to friends/ family when you feel ready. Like you said there is no rush.
It's pretty normal to question your sexuality. It's also pretty normal to be "attracted" to certain people - and it doesn't necessarily mean you want to be romantically involved with them. I'm a female and I can think of both men and women who I've been drawn to, not because I "like like" them, but because I like their company and value them as a person. So some of what your feeling towards this girl could be just that - a desire to be around them because you enjoy their company. It could also be something more - but I guess you'll figure that out soon enough .
I'm also a straight female and can still look at another woman and think she is incredibly beautiful!
It seems like you found it really beneficial to get this off your chest though. I think you might also really benefit from discussing some of this stuff with a professional support service, such as KHL as @TOM-RO linked you earlier. Getting things off your chest can help a lot!
hey @Ummmm_what, I am really sorry to hear that you are struggling to talk about what you are going through, i understand how scary it can be, you should be really proud of yourself for wanting to tell someone - just remeber though, you are not dumb for not being able to talk about your struggles, sometimes our personal struggles are the hardest ones to discuss with people close to us. Remember that you are allowed to take things at your own pace, and this is s afe space to talk about things that may be hard to talk about 🙂