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I really can't do this

I cant take this anymore i cant and i dont want to i havent got any reserves left and i am so sick of this my mum is making me dinner but i dont think i can freaking eat it cause my head says no and i ruin everything for everyone and i am a mess and i dont want to do it anymore i am a burden on everyone and everyone would be better off without me i just cant do this it hurts and i can feel it all slowly killing me and i would rather be dead than eat again and i am such a horrible person and i dont deserve to still be here maybe i can die and give my organs to people who could actually use them who need them people who are worth something. i dont know what to do anymore i just want it to stop!!!!!!!!!!

Re: I really can't do this

hi @Eden1717
im sorry your feeling this way, its such a hard spot to be in. are you safe?
i think your a worthy person of eating and your organs, i see you as someone really struggling atm and are in need of some help.
do you have some supports your could contact at all? does your family know how bad things are for you?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: I really can't do this

Hi @Eden1717, I've just read your response to @Jess-RO and @Sally-RO on your other thread and I'm so sorry you're in this space of feeling so depleted and on edge. I know it's hard to recognise our strengths and positive qualities when we're feeling like this but please know we regard you as an important and valuable person, who often compassionately supports others  through their tough times, even when you're going through your own tough times Heart

I wonder if someone else on RO was going through this experience, what would you say to support them?

 

And finally, as @scared01 has asked, do you feel you can stay safe tonight? and are you able to chat to your Mum about what's happening for you?

 

 

 

 

Re: I really can't do this

I feel the same way right now!

i feel like if I eat I’m going to put on weight.

but I still eat then I hate myself for eating and I Have bad thoughts and feelings and I do bad stuff to myself. 

I know I’m not fat but I feel like if I eat I won’t stay the slim peeson people say that I am. 

I don’t think I’m beautiful. I don’t think I’m worthy but I know I’m here on this earth for a purpose. That’s what’s keeping me here. 

We need to stick together and come through this altogether!

 

@Eden1717

 

Re: I really can't do this

Hey @Eden1717, I think it's really brave of you to speak up about how you're feeling. We are all here to support you and I hope you know that we all consider you to be a super important part of our community. How are you feeling now?

Same with @Jesssister2001 - we are here to support you if you need help yourself, and it's such a great gesture for you to reach out to somebody and let them know that they're not alone Smiley Happy
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Re: I really can't do this

@basketofmonkeys@Jesssister2001@Erin-RO@scared01 thanks all for caring.... today was intense i saw a new psychologist who wants to see me weekly as well as my current psychologist i dont know what to do she said she also agreed with my psychiatrist that i have an eating disorder and she wants to refer me to community services as well but i dont know how i feel about this i am nervous she said she wants to work on eating regularly and i am scared to do that i dont want to eat i shouldnt eating is bad.... i hate myself i cant do this i cant. i need to be dead. 

Re: I really can't do this

Hey @Eden1717 it sounds like you're a really great friend and caring person. Could you think of your own body like a friend you are caring for? You deserve to nourish yourself to feel good and keep going with what you want to do every day! Just like breathing and drinking water. I'm really glad you're seeing a psychologist, they will be totally non-judgemental.

 

Food keeps us alive <3 and you deserve to live a happy life

Re: I really can't do this

hi @Eden1717
it does sound pretty full on but perhaps this is a fresh start for you. theres people that are willing to help you, i know its hard but sometimes scary is good and we need to put abit of trust into these professionals.
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: I really can't do this

Hey there @Eden1717 this sounds super painful...I know this is a very heavy notion for you right now around eating, and it will take time to work towards that with the psychiatrist and gently feel comfortable with the process of it all. We are here to listen in the meantime. When you say "I need to be dead", what do you mean?

Re: I really can't do this

@elly123@scared01 thanks i am trying but i just honestly believe that food is evil and that i should not be eating it everytime i eat i feel like i have done something really wrong i just dont think i need food and like i just want it out of my body all the time i know i shouldnt be eating i just need to be stronger and not eat more often. @Bree-RO i mean that i need to be gone i dont deserve to be here and if it comes to eating or being dead then the better option is to be dead i know i cant not eat forever so maybe i just need to end things sooner rather than later.