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It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 3!)

I had to make a new thread it was too confusing to find the most recent posts after the update :'( and my old thread was a bit of a mess. This is a thread continuing on from parts 1&2 😛 and usually includes me venting about uni, pain, attachment issues, heavy thoughts, and ocd thoughts. And sometimes issues around family or friends. And for some reason sometimes we talk about sloths. Essentially it's one of those threads that we aren't technically encouraged to make because they go on and on and on but I find them helpful because we get to see where we've come from

[Also... I'll generally put a TW if I say anything that's potentially triggering]

 

Responding to @Taylor-RO from my old thread

 

Yeah, it is frustrating but more just makes me hopeless 😞 Catching up on uni did not go well, I have an essay due next week that I haven't started 😞 Thanks for the positive vibes 😛

Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 05-05-2021 10:43 PM

Comments (35 pages)

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 17-05-2021 06:52 PM

Yes, when I actually talk I'm not comfortable doing it. I stutter and mumble, and you can't understand me so I have to repeat myself sometimes. 😓 I especially am really afraid of talking on the phone. And I get nervous when talking because I have this weird thing where I can hear you talk but can't understand you. I asked mum if I could go for a hearing test, but she said that I just don't listen. But I do listen, I don't understand why that happens. She said that I went for a hearing test years ago and they said nothing is wrong. 😞 I don't bother telling my mum things anymore, she just says horrible things back to me and says I'm just trying to get attention. Man it's difficult. I don't know what's wrong with me. I really want help. 

 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 17-05-2021 05:22 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that @Lost_Space_Explorer5  😞 I'm glad that you are chatting with lifeline right now, though. I'm so deeply sorry that you're feeling like there's nothing anybody can do and that things won't get better. We are here for you, we all care about you a lot. We haven't given up on you, for whatever that is worth. 

 

Do you feel like you can stay safe tonight @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ? 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 17-05-2021 05:29 PM

😞 @Janine-RO I don't know 

 
 
 
 
 
MaryRO
MaryROPosted 17-05-2021 06:14 PM

Hey @Lost_Space_Explorer5, sorry to hear you're going through so much now. I can imagine that things might be confusing, heavy, hopeless and just plan difficult. I just want to check in and see how you are doing now and what you are doing for yourself at the moment?

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 17-05-2021 07:33 PM

I'm doing my essay for latin atm 😞 @MaryRO

 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 17-05-2021 04:57 PM

I was just thinking of you @Lost_Space_Explorer5 - I meant to pop into the ReachOut cafe this morning but got really busy. I really like it there 🙂 Are you OK? Here if you need to chat 💜

 

 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 17-05-2021 05:01 PM

No I'm not okay @Janine-RO 😞

 
Phantom1105
Phantom1105Posted 15-05-2021 03:00 PM

Hey @Lost_Space_Explorer5, sorry, I seem a bit late to this thread, and I haven't seen parts 1 and 2, but I hope you're doing ok. I think I relate to a lot of what you're going through because a lot of the time the world feels like too much, and you're not sure what to do next - therefore self-doubt rears its ugly head and starts to feed you with information you don't need. That's how I feel at least, I'm not 100% if you agree hahaha. 

It's hard to remember at times... but there are people who need you, and who want to spend more time with you. I, myself have experienced losing someone to suicide, and it is a very very sad experience. It's what's kept me from going down that path. What I try to do, is remember the good times I've had in my life and think about how I could have more of those in the future. But, if I can't allow myself to have that belief, I try to completely immerse myself in a distraction, whether that be a video game, music, Youtube, etc, to completely forget about it (it seems like you've been doing that already, from what I've read). 

 

Sometimes, if I'm feeling up to it, I try to reach out to someone, but that also has its issues, such as feeling too needy. However, I'm sure your friends/family understand, and if they don't, I'm sure this community has your back at least. 

 

Anyway, I'm not sure if this will help, or if someone has said all this stuff already, but I just wanted to put in my 2 cents I guess. Hope you have a good day!

 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 15-05-2021 06:56 PM

(TW) Hi @Phantom1105 thanks for your reply, and I'm sorry for your loss 😞 It's really hard because it's not that I want to leave and let people down it's that I can't take the pain. I appreciate how suicide can affect people who knew the person- my cousin (I never met him) took his own life and it was really hard on his family, they got torn apart. My family have told me how much it would upset them. For me the guilt doesn't help 😞 But I know for some it does

 
 
 
TOM-RO
TOM-ROPosted 15-05-2021 07:17 PM

Hey @Lost_Space_Explorer5 

 

I just thought I would check in to see how you are doing tonight? 💙 Having someone in your family die by suicide is incredibly painful, even if you didn't get the chance to meet them so I am sorry to hear about this. Hope you are okay tonight.

 

Savannah-RO

 

 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 16-05-2021 05:01 PM

This was quite a while ago I'm okay @TOM-RO

 
 
 
Phantom1105
Phantom1105Posted 15-05-2021 07:05 PM

I know what you mean, I feel the same way sometimes, when it's too much. Sorry to hear about your cousin too, the grief of losing someone you could've met is awful. I'm assuming you're getting professional help from psychologists, that's helped me a lot, as well as calling helpline services when it gets too much for some quick advice. But of course, this community is lovely too. Hang in there @Lost_Space_Explorer5, I'll try my best too hahaha ❤️

 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 15-05-2021 03:04 PM

Uhhh, we don't have 2 cents.

 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 15-05-2021 06:57 PM

@AngelJoy, to put in one's two cents is just a saying meaning to give your opinion! 😛

 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 15-05-2021 10:41 PM

Ohhhhhh. It still sounded funny though. 😜

 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 13-05-2021 01:01 AM

Thanks for everyone's replies. I will try to reply more fully later. Warning, I'm venting hahaha...

 

My pain is bad right now 😣 I think something is wrong. I might try to see my gp- maybe she can help. This is really upsetting me though because I thought things were getting better and now I'm feeling anxious and hopeless. And like it's my fault. Like something is wrong with me and I won't be able to do things normal people do and this will last forever. I know that's catastrophising but it feels real to me

Spoiler
TW (I'm safe) I want to hurt myself so I can have a pain that I can control 😢 I think I should cancel my appointment with my psych this Friday because everything has gone wrong and I feel so ashamed. Plus I will probably end up crying. I keep nearly crying when talking to people. And saying really stupid stuff that I shouldn't say. Crap. I know if I cancel and she doesn't notice I'll feel really bad. But I can't face it. I can't face the shame or the emotions. Crap crap crap. Idk what to do. I still want to die. Maybe this keeps happening because the universe is trying to tell me to give up. I'm trying to pretend I'm great to my friend and family because when I'm not they don't like me and I burden them. I think they can tell. I feel like ugh I shouldn't say that on here. 

 

 
 
Sophia-RO
Sophia-ROPosted 13-05-2021 11:20 AM

Hello @Lost_Space_Explorer5, sorry to hear about how you were feeling last night. It sounds like things have been tough for you over the past few days. I am glad to hear that you were able to stay safe last night. What strategies have you been using to help keep yourself safe when you have been having these thoughts? It sounds like you have been thinking a lot about whether you should cancel the appointment with your psych or not. Do you think there is anything that would be helpful about deciding to see them on Friday?

 

Also, just wanted to let you know that we will be sending you an email shortly 😊

 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 13-05-2021 08:49 PM

@Sophia-RO, I guess just keeping busy has kept me safe so far. It turns out my appointment got cancelled anyway cause my psych is sick 😅 She's going to call to check in though

 
 
 
 
TOM-RO
TOM-ROPosted 13-05-2021 09:05 PM

Hi @Lost_Space_Explorer5 

 

Sorry to hear your psychologist appointment was cancelled because they were sick. Glad to hear they will be checking in though. 

Its good your keeping yourself safe by being busy. Distractions are helpful. What distractions have you been doing tonight? 

 

Hope you can do some extra comforting things for yourself tonight 💐

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 13-05-2021 10:42 PM

Hi @TOM-RO I tried to do a bit of uni and I'm gonna watch some tv now 😞 ***TW *** Things are really hard at the moment 😞 I don't want to do this anymore 

 
 
 
 
 
Bre-RO
Bre-ROPosted 14-05-2021 03:13 PM

Hey @lost_Space_Explorer5 hope you were able to relax last night. What did you end up watching? 

 

Also, we sent you an email when you have the energy to check it. 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 14-05-2021 08:20 PM

I ended up watching deadpool for some reason 😆 @Bre-RO

 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 11-05-2021 01:22 AM

TW (I'm safe)

Spoiler
Sorry to vent on here- I can't sleep I'm so worried about everything and just want to die 😞 I don't know what to do 😞 I thought maybe if I thought more about an essay plan I would feel better but now I'm just stressed out because of what I talked about with the psychiatrist. What's the point in any of this? I'm so, so tempted to let my thoughts take over and plan something but I'm trying not to. Because I know I never end up acting and I just end up in trouble and more sadness than I started with. Plus as ridiculous as it sounds I don't want to let people down on here. If I just disappear what if that upsets someone because they lose hope that things can get better. Plus it would feel so hypocritical- well that's not the right word- if I did something after telling people there's hope and that you should always reach out for help. And yet here I am feeling so tempted to stop fighting my thoughts. Sigh
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 11-05-2021 09:21 PM

Sorry you have been feeling so bad. uni stress can really trigger other stress as well and then everything can just get really complicated. you sound like you are feeling completely exhausted with everything going on which is understandable is there anything you can do self care wise to help feel a little better or is this one of those times where you might have to just sit with the feelings until they pass a little? 

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