cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

Re: Not sure what to do

I am really sorry to hear that you are suffering. It’s ok to let it all out if it makes you feel better.  We all are here for you.. 

If you don’t feel safe or need immediate help, don’t hesitate to contact helpline.. 

 

Highlighted

Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Sophia-RO I have replied to the email and I'm really sorry my post didn't fit with the guidelines, I wasn't thinking when I posted it so thanks for editing it. The last thing I want to do is upset anyone! 

 

And thanks @Wathan, I appreciate it. 

Highlighted

Re: Not sure what to do

l@MB95  You don’t have to feel guilty for coming back here we all do because we all need support sometimes and that need doesn’t go away support isn’t a one time need it is a need we will have for our whole lives just depends what kind we need at the times we need it and if this is what is needed for you right now then that is ok. It is hard when we feel like we are putting in so much effort and not getting much back or making a lot of progress, in my experience progress kind of sneaks up on you and you never feel like you have made any cause it happens slowly but if you look back to the start you can see it better. Idk if that applies just how it seems to be for me.... as for self hatred I am not sure I think that is something you have to decide for yourself like people telling you you are worth it only puts a bandaid on it but for long term feelings it seems to be something more personal if that makes sense... I guess do you know why you feel like that? And is it really you that you hate or is it expectations you or others have about who you should be? Idk how to ask what I am trying to... anyway I am sorry you are feeling so bad and I hope things settle. 

Highlighted

Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95 

 

That's totally okay. We can all get confused (or forget) about the guidelines from time to time.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing a lot of self-hate and anger at the moment. I upsets me to hear that you're feeling this way, because from an outsider's perspective, it is so inaccurate. You are far from a piece of shit with no purpose. You might be sick of yourself (or what you're feeling at the moment), but just know that we are often our harshest critic, and that us at R/O definitely are not sick of you.

 

If I could send you positive vibes and make you feel better right now I would. Maybe in the future, once technology is more advanced, I might be able to, but for now...

Vibes Psa GIF by GIPHY Cares

 

I see many positive qualities in you from the posts you make on the forums, and I hope that one day you can see them more clearly too. Heart

 

I hope you're feeling better today!

Highlighted

Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks heaps @Maddy-RO, I do appreciate your message. I'm really not having a great time today but am trying really hard to just push through. I tried to promise myself I wouldn't contact my psychs between sessions anymore because I really don't want to annoy them anymore but right now I feel like I need to talk to someone. I'm not sure a helpline would work cause I have a hard time talking which is why I like to talk to my psychs when I'm like this cause they know me and know what to ask and say. I don't know. I'm thinking of trying a helpline but it just scares me and I'm worried it will just make me feel worse about myself. I just need someone. I'm so grateful RO is a thing!!! 

 

Thanks @Eden1717. I think that's one thing that does scare me is that when I look back, I've been seeing my psych for almost a year now and I feel like I haven't made any progress or improvement. Sometimes I just feel like I've gone completely backwards instead? Like I used to be such a pro at hiding my emotions and ignoring it all whereas now I feel like I can't get through a single day? It's hard to explain. I have noticed I'm recognising thoughts more and trying really hard to fight or ignore them but that's about it. I also don't know why I hate myself so much. I have felt like it for years and can never seem to say anything nice about myself. My psych tried CBT with me and it doesn't work cause I genuinely feel pathetic for trying to tell myself I'm not worthless cause it's not what I believe? Idk. Like I get the idea of it but how the hell are you meant to tell yourself shit you really don't believe to be true? I just feel like a fake and it's so awkward and stupid. 

Highlighted

Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95 - I understand what you mean. I am similar to you in that I feel guilty or bad or annoying for "bothering" others, even when they might not see it as "bothering" them at all.

 

When are you due to see your psychologist next? Has your psychologist told you that you can call him/her/them between sessions?

 

Also, what do you think a helpline person could say/do that would upset you?

Highlighted

Re: Not sure what to do

Yeah she is fine with me calling between sessions cause she knows that it takes me alot to call for help so if I do she knows I need it. She doesn't work Thurs/Fri though so there is a back up psych I work with if needed. I just feel sick and scared and like I can't do this anymore. I'm really struggling to push through for some reason and nothing is working. I ended up emailing the other psych just before and she is going to give me a quick call tomorrow cause I really need to talk to someone. 

 

I think it's just that the helpline people don't know me so I feel like they won't understand anything and I'm so good at sounding like I'm fine even when I'm about to do something stupid cause I don't like worrying other people. @Maddy-RO 

Highlighted

Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  Not being able to hide things doesn’t mean you have taken a step backwards it could just mean you are relearning how to express your feelings and sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. I don’t find CBT very helpful either. I find it a bit like I am just lying to myself like it does nothing to change my beliefs it just feels like me trying to pretend I don’t believe them. 

Highlighted

Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95, I am sorry that you are struggling so much right now. I think it is really brave of you to reach out for support - both here and in real life. I know you have mentioned how difficult that can be for you Heart Also progress and improvement is different for everyone. It is not always a big massive revelation.. sometimes it is in the smaller things that we overlook. It might have been helpful for you to have someone to chat to without judgement. Even making it to appointments and committing to a session with a psychologist might be your improvement. If you haven't already, you could also mention this to your psychologist and they might be able to help identify some improvements you have made.

If a helpline seems a bit daunting.. have you thought of using their web chat function? Just another option if you are interested Smiley Happy
Highlighted

Re: Not sure what to do

Right?!? @Eden1717!! Like I get CBT works for some people, I just cant get it to work with me! It's frustrating cause I do try but it just makes me feel so stupid. What about DBT? Have you had any experience or luck with that?