Not sure what to do

Hey there @MB95 , 

How are you feeling today? It sounds like it was a pretty emotional night for you, it's been a massive couple of days. Judging from the crazy rush happening at Aussie bottle shops I don't think you're the only person having a few drinks, but I hope that you are feeling okay today. 

I'm wondering if your psychologist will be offering telehealth services (so sessions over Zoom, or Skype) in the next few months - do you think that could be an option that would work for you, if you do decide to go home? I know an increasing number of services are offering telehealth options to their current clients, so it might be something you could ask about. 

Let us know how you are feeling today - it can feel really overwhelming when there's a lot of decisions to make and actions to take and I know that sometimes in the past when I've been in a situation like that, it's really easy to feel paralysed, or "stuck". I find breaking things down into really tiny steps to be super useful - so instead of "sort out Centrelink"  being a task, the first task could be find your MyGov log-in, etc. That way you can get those great feel-good brain chemicals every time you achieve something... it sounds dumb, but it actually has helped me a lot in the past. 

We are all here for you, I hope you can get some good rest today. Let us know how you're going.  Hope you were able to have some sloth time like this little dude

I feel like I've gone behind my psychs back by not booking a flight home like she encouraged me too.. but I also just feel really weird about it. I feel like I don't deserve her help when I didn't follow through with it. I know it's stupid but I just really want to see her. I feel like absolute shit and feel like she's the only person who truly gets me and makes me feel safe. I'm just really freakijng out that I'm not going to see her for a while. I also really eant to give her a hug. Is that normal? The more I thini about it the more I'm wondering if she's the reason I want to stay here. Because I know I feel safe with her. Its fucked up and weird i know but no matter how hard I try I can't stoo feeling so attached to her dor some reason and I hate it. The more I look at social meida tge more I want to go home and be with mt familt but I'm so scared.

Thanks @Janine-RO. I will try the centrelink tomorrow, it was a bot too much today and I've been struggling a bit this afternoon and trying to push it all to the side instead becsuse I'm scared about it all. I'm really disspointed in myself but instead I decided to drink tonight to try snd relieve some stress abd worry. I know it's stupid but I need something to take my mind off things. I kinda just feel worse though so idk. It's my own dumb decision. I'm just scared atm and I'm so scared I can't see my psych because I'm really relying on her atm even through I shouldn't be. I'm just lost anf being stupid but I'll work it out 👍

Hey @MB95 , 

First, I just have to say - you and @Eden1717 , along with lots of other community members, constantly blow us away with the wonderful support you give other people. Truly. I guess it's the beauty of peer support in action - sometimes we really need to talk to people who "get it". But I am honestly blown away every single day by the wisdom, generosity, and kindness that I see here every day. So please never feel like your advice isn't helpful, or that you're not doing a good job, because every single word that you guys give in support to other people here is absolute gold. 

I can hear your uncertainty about what to do - it's great that you've been able to chat to your dad about what's happening, and that you have a supportive housemate. I know there must be literally thousands of people wrestling with these dilemmas. Ultimately, I would go with your gut, and remember in times like these, there is no wrong choice necessarily. It sounds like each option has pros and cons. How are you feeling about it all this afternoon? 

P.S. Just a heads up that I read on the news that the centrelink website is struggling to deal with the increase in traffic - so maybe read up on stuff on the site I sent you if that helps, but hold off on going online to register until tomorrow 🙂

Thinking of you. 

And remember, you're not alone - there is a whole community of people here, and it sounds like you have a lot of people who care about you. 

@MB95  I understand, we all need a break at times. i had 75 notifications i hadnt checked on here until yesterday and i only looked i didnt see all of them. just do what you need for you. 

Thanks @Eden1717 , I am going to try and look into the centrelink thing a bit more today. I'm just very easily overwhealmed at the moment so it just takes so much more time than it should and then that stresses me out. I'll get there eventually though. I couldn't agree more when you say it's hard enough dealing with mental illness let alone all of this stuff too.. and I can 200% relate when you say you feel like a hypocrite for giving advice. I commented on someones post the other day and just felt so pathetic because I was trying so hard to be there for them and give them advice to get them through but it was also stuff I knew I should be doing but wasn't. I guess that's just how it goes. I really apprecite your message though ❤ I've been thinking about you and hoping things are going okay. Sorry I haven't been on your forums, I've just fallen way behind in messages and figured you had quite a few people supporting you so I'd leave them to it. I'll catch up eventually, now just isn't a great time for me. I hope you understand.. 

Thankyou so much for sharing all those links with me @Janine-RO , especially the one about payments, I really appreciate it ❤ Especially when I'm so overwhelmed, I really struggle to get a proper start on anything and do alot better when someone gives me direction so thanks. 

I'm doing okay, I'm just really stressed and overwhealmed and trying not to give into the numbness. I missed my psychs calls early this morning cause I was asleep (I didn't sleep much last night so emailed her to tell her I'd probs miss them) but she called me a third time just before and we talked for a bit. We mainly talked about corona virus stuff cause of the boarders shutting tomorrow and needing to make a decision. She thinks I should be going home because she's worried about my safety, especially if I'm going to be in the house on my own and if her or my other back up psych become unavailable for me. But it's all stressing me out needing to make the decision so soon. She had me convinced to fly home tonight but then when I got off the phone my housemate told me her parents have told her to stay here cause she won't get back for uni. So now she's staying I won't be alone. I also spoke to my dad and he said I'll be able to get in on compassionate grounds later and that I'll just have to go into quarrantine for 2wks. He said we'd make it work if things got real bad and I needed to be home. He also doesn't know much about my mental health. He only knows I've been seeing a psych, defs not that I've been suicial or anything so I also feel like I should be listening to my psychs opinions more but idk. Now that my housemate is staying I feel like maybe I should just stay and ride it out here. Idk. 

Hey @MB95 , 

My heart really went out to you reading that, you are absolutely not alone in how you're feeling. There's a huge amount of uncertainty for everyone at the moment, and it's especially stressful for people whose lives look like they're going to change a lot in the immediate future. Saying goodbye to a beautiful pup, plus your housemates possibly moving, plus uni shutting down and not being sure where you're going to go - it's a lot to handle, and it's okay to feel however you need to feel. I was chatting to some friends (online that is!) about how we are feeling, and a lot of us actually feel like we are grieving in a way - life has changed pretty suddenly, and a lot of things we love, or look forward to, or plans we had made, are changing. 

ReachOut have been working hard on some resources to help people through this frankly pretty shitty time - I found all of the articles really helpful personally, and thought this one may resonate with you a lot. It's on how do deal with uncertainty during coronavirus

There's also a lot of other great pieces/ ideas for different coping stategies here .

On a more practical note, @Eden1717  has given really excellent advice. Centrelink have announced increases to a lot of different payments, and they are also looking at different ways to support people depending on your circumstances. this page  links to information about all of the different payments available, and my understanding is that they are also trying to make it easier and quicker for people to access that help. Your uni SRC may also be able to give you advice and support on this. 

I also thought I'd share this - I found it really helpful over the weekend  

The community is all here for you. How are you doing today? Did you end up talking to  your psych? 

@MB95  They have announced today that people who are not able to work in casual employment and such are able to access around 750 a fortnight I think form Centrelink while the virus stuff is happening and while lockdowns are in place so you probably can access Centrelink at the moment but of course it would mean paperwork. As for feeling overwhelmed I can absolutely relate this whole year has been full of disruptive events and it is hard enough dealing with mental health issues on a normal day let alone when all of this stuff is happening. Maybe keep the appointment if possible it is ok to just spend the session talking sometimes we need to just have an outlet to talk about it all. But it is up to you of course, sorry I don’t have much to offer I am not in a great place myself and feel like a hypocrite for giving any advice atm. 

I'm really sorry to keep bothering you guys but I'm really struggling. 

I can't keep up with anything and I keep shutting everything out to pretend it's not happening but then when I think about it it's like it all catches up to me. 

The lil pup is gone now and then yesterday my housemate who I get along really well with and was finally becomming close friends with told me she was offered a job and is leaving in 2wks. I don't do well with goodbyes and this always happens to me.. everytime I get remotely close to someone they leave. And this stupid corona virus is really stressing me out. My other housemates are looking at going hime because of it which means I'll be here alone unless I also go home. They are closing the boarders to my home on Tuesday so I don't know what to do. I have a feeling I'm going to lose both my jobs which means I won't have an income and don't know how I'm going to pay for rent or to survive cause I'm not on any centrelink. I feel like these are just 3 additional stressors I really don't need at the moment. If anyone has suggestions or can help in any way I'd appreciate it. I have a phone appointment scheduled with my psych tomorrow morning but I'm about to email and cancel because I'm just really not feeling great and I know I will probably just cry if she calls me. I'm trying really had but with everything else that's been going on with me lately I just feel like these extra little stressors are really overwhealming me! I've worked 10hr days the last 3 days so have tried to use that as a distraction but know I'm going to really struggle this week cause I already feel numb and disconnected when I think about it briefly. Idk. I just feel weird. 

Thanks @Ronan-RO ❤

Hey @MB95 ,

It really sucks that you didn't get to say goodbye as it was taken away from you, especially given you've had a really tough few weeks.  However, it's really impressive that despite being so upset,  you're able to acknowledge that your housemates were trying to do that right thing.  That is not an easy thing to do so well done for that 

It sounds like you really care for, and connect with, animals.  That's a lovely trait.  Hopefully the lady contacts you as no doubt the doggie would love to see you!

Thanks @Andrea-RO

I'm going to call into the place tomorrow and have a chat to them and leave my details in the hope the lady contacts me. 

It just really hurts that I didn't get a say in the matter and it was all rushed. Like if it was me I wouldn't have taken her in to be checked without telling all my housemates and seeing if they wanted to come, and even then I wouldn't have even sent off the adoption papers without all my housemates being on board with it. I just can't think about it because it makes me really upset. 

I have been struggling alot with suicidal tendencies the last couple weeks and feeling so alone and disconnected that when we were given the puppy to look after I finally felt like I had someone and I had a purpose. It just really hurts and it sucks. I'm trying so hard to not think about it because I just feel disconnected when I do and am trying to fight going back down that path but it's just hard to control. I really do hope the lady contacts me at least because I really miss her.

Hey @MB95,

That's such a difficult position to be in, I can only imagine how sad and upset you must be feeling at the moment. It's always difficult to lose a pet, but your situation sounds like it was a lot more of a whirlwind experience, where you didn't get a lot of time to know what was going on. 

It totally makes sense that you would be feeling frustrated at your housemates. It's clear that you cared a lot about the dog you were looking after, so it makes sense that you would feel annoyed that your housemates didn't consult you. From what you wrote it seems like, because your housemates were contacted so quickly, maybe they didn't feel like they had enough time to contact you? 

Your plan to let the foster place know your details and potentially pass them on to the new owner does sound like a really good idea! Being the primary carer for a pet can be very demanding and expensive, especially when you're still at uni, so it could be a great compromise to help out and still get to have the pup in your life 🙂 

Like I kind of want to ring the place up myself and ask if I can leave my details with them incase the lady doesn't end up taking her (she's fostering her for a few days first to see how it goes). And ask if they can pass my details onto the lady in the chance she wants someone to take her for walks or something cause it's an old lady who is wanting to take her.. idk. I don't know if that's appropriate and it's probably really weird but I just miss her and I'm so upset and angry about the way it all happened!!!! 

Hi guys,

I'm just feeling really off and really want to call and talk to my psych but also really don't want to annoy her so thought I'd try chat to you guys first if that's okay? 

I'm just really upset and angry and trying not to be.

Basically there is this little dog that lives two doors down, the owners never looked after her and she was always getting out and would come to our house so we'd feed her and look after her. She'd often sleep with me quite a bit. So I grew quite attached to her. Anyway the other day the council came and spoke to the owners because someone complained and the owners told them to take her because they didn't want her so then they came and saw us and the council said we could have her if we wanted and to let them know in 2wks time what we wanted to do. So she's been sleeping with me and we've been looking after her permanently the last few days. But today one of my housemates emailed a fostering place and they called her right away asking to take her in to be looked at. I was at uni while this happened and two of my housemates who I get along really well with took her to the place without telling me. Then they called me from there saying they had found her an owner and she wasn't coming home. I don't have my car at the moment because it's being fixed so my other housemate drove me to say goodbye to her but I just feel like total shit. It happened a good few hours ago and I'm trying so hard to get over it and see the positives but I'm just really angry and upset about how it all happened. If my housemates had waited 10min I would have been home from uni and could have gone with them but they didn't. I'm just really angry and annoyed they took her without telling me till they were there because they know how much I loved her and looked after her. Like I get they were doing the right thing and weren't expecting to leave her behind so soon but at the same time I'm still really hurt they did it without me. I'm just really upset because I'm not good with goodbyes and it was very rushed. I was  even looking at adopting her myself and I feel like they took that away from me. I don't want to be mad at them because I know it's not their fault, and I did get to meet the new owner and think she'll be good. But my little girl was shaking so goddam much being handed over and I could tell how stressed she was. I just feel like it was very rushed and I didn't get a say in anything. I've had a really shit couple weeks and she was getting me through alot the past few days and now I just feel like I'm going backwards again. I just feel so numb and upset and angry and I don't know what to do. Sorry for the rant I'm just really fucking upset.

Hey @MB95, 

That sounds like a good idea! You'll have to tell us how it goes

Thanks @Bre-RO, I can't do one on one while I'm doing the group - they said they want us focusing on the group stuff and not other interventions which is why I was so worried about it cause I feel like I really need to individual sessions at the moment. But I decided I am going to trial it on Monday and make my decision from there.

Hey @MB95 

It sounds like your psych is thinking of all the different ways to help you, which is great. In saying that it's good to remember that you are in charge of your recovery and you can communicate what is helping you right now. Maybe it's something you can work your way up to? Or you could even do one on one and group therapy. I'm sure there's lots of options that you can talk through with your psych 🙂 

Thanks heaps for sharing your experience @Eden1717. My psych emailed me about it today because we didn't have the time to talk about it in our session. As scared as I am to do it, it does sound like it would be good but she mentioned that while the program was on I wouldn't be able to engage in my individual sessions because they want us to solely focus on the social anxiety stuff. Which I understand but am also not sure about because I feel like I need my individual sessions more at the moment. But then I'm also wondering if maybe it would be good for me to take a break from our sessions and try something different? I don't know. I told her I might wait for the next one but now I'm wondering if I should just go for it and try rely on myself for the next 5wks to deal with the other shit. Is there a way to tell if you're ready for group stuff? She seems to think I am but idk. She also thinks I have my shit together alot more than I do.

@MB95  Um it depends on the group the thing is anything you say is confidential so you can’t like tell anyone who isn’t in the group that you met someone in that group and that sort of thing. I mean for me the groups I did were in hospital and in a DBT program and the ones in hospital I do have some friends from there but that is kind of a little different but the DBT program I don’t have friends from although I think you were not allowed to be friends during that group if you were both in the group at the time so like when the group ended you were allowed to exchange contacts of you wanted too. But you can ask your psych that and she can tell you that as well. I was scared the first time that I went mostly because I don’t like not knowing how things work but it was ok once everything was explained and once other started talking as well. It can be weird at first when everyone is nervous to talk but the psych usually does stuff to help break the ice. Idk it gets less scary as you go but it is kind of a lot the first time. 

Thanks for your insight @Eden1717 😊

I'm going to get my psych to explain it all to me properly so I know exactly what it is and then make my decision from there. 

Is it something you normally stay in touch with the people involved later or do you usually just go along and then end contact with every one once it's over? I'm interested to hear about how it all works but pretty unsure if it's for me or not. Like the flyer thing at uni sounds good but then when I think of actually physically putting myself in the situation I'm not sure if it's for me or not. Were you scared going to it for the first time?

@MB95  I have done group therapy and it isn’t as scary once you get in there and get to know how it works a little better. It can be good to hear how other people cope and can make you feel less alone knowing there are other people right there with you who get it. That being said I was very scared the first time but it is ok it is still kind of scary for me but also for me it depends on what else is going on if I am really scared people are trying to hurt me then it isn’t a good time to be doing group therapy for me. Or if there is too much going on and I can’t focus or need to move around a lot. Or if my head is going super fast and I can’t sit for more than 5 seconds. I think maybe if you talk to your psych about what exactly happens in the group and how it is run and structured you may get a better sense of what it is and then you may feel less anxious but it isn’t like in the movies it is often a pretty relaxed and casual thing. 

Thanks @Bre-RO ❤

I had a bit of a backwards day today with everything and feeling really low all of a sudden and not wanting to go to my session or try this group thing. I just get so angry at myself for needing it. 

I really appreciate your comment about it being okay to take time to feel safe though because I think that's why I keep getting like this is because I'm scared and then I just get angry and try pushing everyone away. And by everyone I mean my therapist because I haven't got many other people to push away 😂

I haven't got too much planned for my weekend cause I'm working and have quite a bit of uni to get through unfortunately. I recently moved house though and am still in the process of setting up my room because I haven't been feeling it. Might try do some of it tomorrow though in the hope it'll boost my mood. 

Hey @MB95 

When there's heaps of things going on and your mind is busy it can be such a relief to get it all down on paper. It's nice to see you say that you're beginning to realise that your therapist does care about you - from what you've said about her, I would agree with you. It takes time to feel safe though and that's totally okay. 

Glad to hear that your walk by the river lifted your spirits. Have you got anything nice planned for the weekend?