Not sure what to do
Hi guys,
I'm new on here and just thought to try give it a go..
I'm struggling with alot of different things atm and feel like I'm starting to really lose my mind.
I've recently moved and started uni in a place I don't know anyone so feeling pretty alone.
I finally worked up the courage to see a psychologist but am worried I'm getting too attached to her because every time something good or bad happens she's the one I want to tell!! But then I also really struggle to tell her when I'm not okay because she is working really hard with me and I don't want to let her down so I'm scared to tell her the truth...
Any suggestions? Or is there anyone that's had a similar experience when seeing a psychologist? I just feel really stupid and pathetic for wanting to talk to her all the time but then also not being able to tell her things!?!?
@MB95 You don’t have to do everything alone, most people cannot do everything alone. Also it is ok not to share everything with your parents especially as an adult that is very normal you don’t need to feel guilty for having a private life. As for the psych I get nervous giving them letters as well but for me it is easier than speaking so it really depends how you feel about communication options. Also you do not need to worry about her feelings it is her job to manage her own self and you don’t need to be worried about you making her worry.
Stigma is difficult to manage and can be very hurtful but it takes time already there is shifting going on with public perception, give it another 10 years and who knows where we will be. Slow and steady.
Thanks for taking the time out to respond guys ❤ I've just been a bit overwhealmed with my uni intensive at the moment and trying to stay afloat so I haven't had the energy in me to actually reply. But your perspectives have helped so thank you ❤
@Eden1717 I really liked when you said how a doctor wouldn't operate on another doctors patient, it did make alot of sense. I guess I'd never really thought about the guilt getting in the way of my progress but now that you've brought it up I actually think you might be onto something. I struggle to open up in general to anyone, but I do often feel terrible for seeing my psych and not just talking to my parents about things. Like I feel really bad that my psych knows all this stuff about me but my parents don't? And since telling my parents it's only made it worse because now I don't want to see or share anything with my psych. But I also don't want to share it with them? Idk. It's weird. But thanks for pointing that out. My anxiety is definately getting me caught up at the moment! I feel like it's pretty full on and just making me paranoid about so many stupid little things but no matter how hard I try to ignore it and get on with things I can't seem too. Quite alot of it is around seeing my psych atm and like you've suggested, I have thought about writing her a letter. I was considering just writing it all out and then either dropping it at her office or making an appointment and just sitting there while she reads it (but that freaks the absolute hell out of me!!!). Plus, I am still terrified about contacting her for some reason and am yet to reply to her email because I don't know how too. I don't want to lie and say I'm okay but I also don't want her to worry about me. I just need time to try and not rely on her and teach myself that I have to do this alone.
@Wathan thanks for sharing some of your experience. I know I'm not the only one that experiences anxiety, but it often feels as though I am, so thanks for reminding me I'm not! I think it's incredible that you've managed to change alot of your thinking and I really do hope I make it to that stage one day!! Also, your analogy was awesome so thank you! 😊
@Janine-RO you are spot on! I find it so hard to work on things and make progress because I know I have to face things from my past to move forward but I'm so scared to do that. I thought I'd overcome it already on my own by burrying and ignoring it, but turns out it doesn't quite work that way. It's just hard that my psych doesn't know anything about my past and that I'm not entirely keen on bringing any of it up. I feel like I'm being unfair on her by not telling her everything but I just don't know how too because I'm so scared.
I'm not sure why I'm so paranoid about running into my psych to be honest. It's really strange and I can't seem to understand it. When I'm at uni I seem to see that as the place I see her? Like in one way I feel safe and at ease knowing she's close by but then in another way I am so damn terrified of running into her? It doesn't make any sense to me!! Like even when I'm shopping or at work, part of me is so scared I'll see her and the other part of me really wishes I did see her? It's bizzare and weird and probably makes zero sense! Cause it doesn't make any sense to me!!! But for some reason it's constantly on my mind?
Thanks heaps for making me feel less pathetic for having mental health issues. It really upsets me when people are not understanding of it because it's not something we can help. If it was something I could just fix and get rid of I'd have been cured years ago!! I also hate the stigma around it and really do hope that one day it's not seen as attention seeking or weak or whatever for having a mental illness. I'd give anything to be normal and not experience the things I do but no matter how hard I try to work it's almost like it's impossible. So when people make shitty comments about mental health it just really upsets me because it's not like I'm not trying to get better!! I just wish people could understand, or at least stop judging others for it. Like no one knows about my issues because I manage to keep them pretty well hidden, but so many dumb comments are thrown round at uni and it just upsets me. I know none of them are intended towards me directly but it's still hard not to be upset and hurt by them. Like even when people in my degree talk about what field they want to go into, it's like mental health is a massive no go and the one time I told someone I'd like to go into it their reaction was like they were trying not to judge me. So now I just tell people I want to go into peads instead. Hopefully peoples outlooks on mental health will change one day 🤞
As for trashy TV - we have been watching Married At First Sight 😂 So not something I'd usually watch but it's been a nice lil thing to do with my housemates before bed so I have been enjoying it! What sorts of trashy shows are you into?Any we should be adding to the list? Lol
Hi @MB95 ,
Thanks so much for updating us, and please don't apologise for writing a long post! I often find that getting things out on paper can really help me, and you never need to apologise for writing whatever you need to write here 🙂
I think that @Eden1717 and @Wathan have given really excellent advice and insights here. I can also really relate to those ambivalent feelings around seeing a psychologist. It sounds like on one hand, you feel like you do need to see them and work through things, and on the other hand, you want to feel like you have worked through things by yourself, and it takes a lot of energy to talk about everything that you're feeling ,especially if you haven't told them everything in the past. Is that roughly right? I think what @Wathan has said is spot on - the best psychologists I've met have been incredibly non-judgmental, and it's very common for people to not disclose everything they're going through at the time. You say that you're worried about running in to your psychologist on campus, are you worried that they will somehow think less of you for not making an appointment?
From what you've shown here, you are highly intelligent and show so much insight into yourself, and a lot of determination. It can sometimes be easy to think that we should be able to "fix" ourselves, in the past I have found it helpful to think of mental health professionals as partners in recovery, and part of a support team - so while we certainly need to do a lot of the work ourselves, a good psychologists can help us develop tools to do that, or even just give a fresh perspective on things that we haven't been able to see.
I'm sorry to hear that you've had to listen to uni peers talking like that about mental health - it's disappointing, and sadly I think there is still a lot of ignorance and misplaced stigma around mental health. It's something that I really hope is starting to change as more people open up about their own experiences - so many of us will experience mental illness in our lifetime, and hardly anyone will live a life untouched by mental health issues. So I think that seeking help is something that should be absolutely celebrated! It takes so much strength and courage, and can really transform people's lives for the better - so I'm sorry that you've come across people in your life who aren't so supportive.
I'm glad to hear that some trashy TV and good housemates have helped a bit - I love a bit of trash myself! What have you been watching?
Hi @MB95
I have managed to change it recently. It’s a lot of trials and errors. Some days I have managed to get rid of anxious thoughts, and some days I go back. So don’t get discouraged.
I totally understand that feeling. I used to feel like I need to get all my stuffs together and shouldn’t be an disappointment to anyone. It’s kinda like a good student syndrome. I know it must be scary to tell you psychologist this. If you don’t want to talk about it, try showing this thread of posts to them. It would be good if they noticed what’s going without telling them. But unfortunately, psychologists aren’t mind readers so can’t understand without being told by the client. Thinking of your situation like a medical problem might help your situation. If you feel sick and your stomachache hurts, you have to tell your doctor there’s sth wrong with your stomach. Only then, they can make diagnoses and treat you Your doctor won’t feel disappointed in you for having stomachache. Like that, your psychologist shouldn’t feel disappointed in you for having this issue in your mind. They are like mind doctors having to help you overcome this challenge. They need to know where the problem lies in your mind to help you out effectively.
hope this analogy helps.
I have just recently managed to change. So I’m feeling fine now. To be honest, there’s a lot of trials and errors. Some days, I have progressed and some days, I would go back and still feel anxious. So it takes time. Don’t get discouraged. What you explained totally makes sense to me because I actually used to feel like I need to get my stuff together and act likes everything is fine. I didn’t want to be a disappointment. It’s kinda like a good student syndrome. Does your psychologist have expectation of you to get better as the sessions go on? I would say it’s ok to break these expectations.
Psychologists are not mind readers so it can be hard for them to notice things without you telling them. if you feel scared to talk about this, try showing this thread of posts to them. I think they will understand you a lot better after reading this. It’s ok to let them know what you are actually going through so that the treatment can suit your situation. Thinking of it like a medical example might make you feel better. For example, if your stomach hurts, you need to tell your doctor something is wrong with your stomach. The doctor cannot treat you if you tell them your stomach is fine. Think of what’s happening in your mind is something similar to stomachache. As the doctor won’t be disappointed in you for having stomachache, a psychologist shouldn’t feel disappointed for what your mind is going through. A good psychologist shouldn’t anyway.
sorry for my long post. I just wish all the best for you and hope this help you.
@MB95 dont worry about the long post. firstly i want to say that i understand it is hard when we are so programmed to listen to our parents because we have spent most of our time as children but if you think you need to see a psych and it is helping you then their opinion shouldn't be the thing that makes the decision for you. you said your mum doesn't know what has been going on for you, if she doesn't then she is not in the best place to be making the decision as she doesn't have the relevant information. like a doctor wouldn't operate on another doctors patient because they don't know the case well enough your mum may not be the best person to be saying if you should or should not see a psych, the only person who can know if it is good for you is you.
it seems like you feel guilty about a lot of the things you do, i am not saying you should feel that way but do you think maybe the guilt is getting in the way of making progress with the psych?
as for being open with people I feel quite uncomfortable about that pretty often i feel like i am leading a double life because i dont tell people about my mental health stuff. but for me i know it would not be beneficial for anyone to know as often people are not able to deal with my particular issues. some people are good with depression/anxiety as those feelings are more easy to relate to. some of my issues though just scare people. it seems like your anxiety is getting you caught up in all the maybes or could be's and isn't making it easy to just see what happens....
if you could tell your psych what was on your mind what would you say? maybe you could write it all on a letter and just see how you feel after then if you wanted you could think about giving it to your psych or even just keeping it to look at later with a fresh perspective.
I'm sorry they were really long posts guys. I just feel shitty and like I need to vent about so much but have no one to vent too so thanks for just letting me get some of it out ❤
It's all good @Eden1717, I understood where you were coming from so no need to worry. I guess I've been thinking about it for a while now and after telling my parents I've been seeing a psych I just feel bad and like it's the wrong thing to be doing. They were pretty upset about it. Mum especially and she doesn't think I need to be seeing one so that's been playing on my mind alot. Then I guess my reaction to my last session kind of just really hit home and scared me so I'm not sure I want to go back because I know if I do and we talk about the things we touched on then I'm really going to need my psych to be there for support but I don't know how to tell her that because I'm so good at hiding it and presenting like everything is okay when it's not. Like there's been days I've gone to see her and have been at my lowest and quite suicidal but it's like I'm so scared to show it that I leave with her thinking I'm okay and I'm just anxious. I really want to tell her stuff and work through it all because I'm sick of living like this but I know that as much as I want too I won't be able to cope on my own if it's brought to the surface but I also don't want to rely on her because I don't want to be a burden to her and be an annoying and needy 'client'. No matter how hard I try to convince myself it's her job, I just can't stop worrying that I'm annoying her and she is getting sick of listening to my shit (when I do actually talk). So I guess it didn't help when she suggested cutting back cause it just made me feel more worthless and pathetic for feeling like I need her support. Now I'm just rambling!! Sorry, I just wish it all made sense in my head and that all my thoughts would just fuck off. I'm so over it!!! I just want to be normal. A couple of girls at uni today were talking about mental health for some reason and it made me so uncomfortable cause they brought up seeing a psych and it was like they thought it was stupid. So then I felt even more stupid for feeling like I needed one. I just wish I could be as strong and open as others. Like on here I feel safe speaking about how I feel but in real life I am so closed off!! Like my old housemate that I'd been living with for a year didn't even know I had siblings lol I knew everything about her but it wasn't till we got talking recently that she told me I am so shut off and she only just found out I have siblings. I don't even mean to be that way and I wish I could speak openly about my problems like the girls at uni do but I can't. I just feel like no one would want to listen if that makes sense?
As for studying, I'm studying occupational therapy and would like to major in mental health or pediatrics. I have thought of changing to psych because it interests me so much and I want to prevent as many people as possible from going through what I have, but like you it's a bit confronting for me at the moment. We cover a bit in class but as interesting as I find it, I get quite overwhealmed and have to leave quite a bit or end up becomming really distant. But I do alot of reading and research in my own time, I guess cause I want to try sort myself out and figure out what the hell is wrong with me!!!!
@MB95 I am sorry things are still hard for you. I dont want you to mistake what i said about being dependent on the psychologist though... when i said that i didnt mean that you have to do it on your own or that needing support is a bad thing. I just meant that for some people, not all people, sometimes they can use the idea of seeing a psychologist as a way to avoid actually working on things with the psychologist. it can distract people from actually working on things and instead using the psychologist sessions as a way to shift the focus of their problems from their problems and onto the idea of therapy. it is fine to need support but as long as you are actually using that support to work on the issues or the manage things it is fine. but it can be distracting for some people and if that was the case perhaps they would need to decide if they are really ready to begin the process of therapy or if they should wait a little until they are ready. I am not saying that that is what you are doing just trying to express that things can be both good and bad but that everyone is different and there isnt a wrong way to be.
Are you studying mental health at uni? i am just wondering, I considered doing psychology but decided it wasnt good for me as it kept me sucked into the world of mental health and hyper aware of my problems. for me it is better to keep a distance from mental health especially in the work place. i do however do my own research to help me better understand myself when I need too.
I can try too @Janine-RO. I don't quite know what's wrong with me at the moment though. It's like I'm terrified of seeing her or talking to her. I know it's rediculous and stupid but I just am. Part of me really wants to see her cause I know I need it but the other part is scared and just wants to stop going for good and go back to doing it alone. I'm so scared of running into her at uni too for some reason. I think deep down I know if I email her she's going to end up booking me an appointment and I'm just scared and need some time to try sort myself.
I am pretty self-aware, especially after studying mental health alot more I guess I have learnt alot about myself. But sometimes I find it's like a curse? Idk, it's like I know how and why I'm feeling the way I do but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to fix it? It's weird and I hate it. Just makes me feel incapable. It's like I should know what to do and how to stop it but I can't? Sometimes makes me feel like more of a failure if that makes sense? Sorry for the rant 😩
I have been watching some crappy TV with my new housemates though and cooked myself dinner so it's helped pull me from going into a full depression which is nice. My housemates have defs been a huge help!
Thanks @Wathan. How did you learn to change your way of thinking? And how long did it take if you don't mind me asking? I keep trying so hard but can't seem to get anywhere with it.. some days I feel like I'm making progress and then others it's like I've taken a thousand steps backwards. I do really want to tell my psych but I'm so scared she'll think less of me cause I'm so used to pretending everything is fine and looking like I have my shit together that if I tell her the truth about what's actually going on I'll dissapoint her for not telling her already cause I've been seeing her for almost a year now. Idk. I just wish she knew things and I didn't have to physically tell her. I don't want her to think I'm not capable. Idk. It doesn't even make sense to me so it probs isn't making sense to you sorry.
Hi @MB95 when I was reading through your post, I could literally feel what you were describing because it’s very similar to how I feel when I feel anxious too. I would like to praise you for being self-aware and your bravery for letting it out here. For me, those anxious thoughts and feelings reduced nowadays after I have managed to change the way I think. Just sharing a tip here hoping it might be helpful to you. I find that thinking other people are here to help me and will be able to understand my feelings helps a lot. Psychologists are trained to deal with these issues so I just try to believe that they won’t judge me no matter what I feel. I have been learning to trust them. How about trying to tell your psychologist what you have posted here? They might have a better idea of what you are going through and assist you overcome it.
Just remember it’s ok to let people know what a hard time you are going through and it’s not too bad to have a guide/help when it’s tough doing it alone. Virtual warm hugs!
Hi @MB95 ,
I'm so sorry to hear that hearing from your psychologist threw you - I can really relate to those feelings of anxiety, I've been there in the past and it's a really awful feeling to sit in. It sounds like you're under a bit of pressure already doing a 2 week uni intensive, so I think it's completely understandable that you would already be in a bit of a heightened state.
Do you think you could take what you've written here, and just edit it down for her? That way the email is already part written, and all you need to do is cut out what you don't want to say to her. Or alternatively, I'm sure she would understand if you just send a quick email explaining that it's been a really busy week for you, you're doing ok, and will make contact when you're in the right headspace to make an appointment.
What do you think?
It sounds like you're really self-aware about how anxiety affects you, and the fact that you've posted here shows that you're being proactive in helping to stop that spiral. Would doing something like taking a walk in the fresh air, or getting a cup of tea help you at the moment? Or is there anything else you've found helpful in the past to help you self-soothe a bit when you feel anxiety start to kick in? Sending virtual hugs your way.
I'm at uni atm and just checked my emails and have an email from my psych checking in to see if I'm okay cause it's the second week since our last appointment and she was expecting for me to book in for this week and noticed I haven't. I don't know why I feel so stressed and off about it but I don't know how to reply to her email. Since reading it I've lost all concentration from my studies and just feel sick in my stomach. I know it's just my anxiety being a bitch but I don't know what to do. I don't want her to worry about me cause I'm fine but I don't think I'm ready to go back. I'm trying so hard to do things alone and just get over it so I'm not relying on her help and wasting her time but I don't know how to tell her that. I just feel like shit. I didn't think she'd get in touch so now I'm freaking out and it's just brought up stuff we spoke about last time and I can already feel myself disconnecting.
Any advice? I know it's nothing but when my stupid thoughts start it's like I completely lose control and the smallest thing will trigger me and make it worse. I'm trying so hard to fight it cause I felt like I was making progress by trying to ignore it all but her email has totally thrown me and I can feel the numbness settling in which I really don't want right now!!! I just want to get through this 2wk intensive without any issues!!
Hey @MB95
I'm really feeling you on struggling with the idea of going back in to see your psychologist. Facing what is going on inside of us is huge. It's an experience that takes huge amounts of physical/emotional energy.
I know from what you've said in previous posts and here that you think highly of your therapist. It sounds like an important relationship to you, so it's not surprising that you're feeling some big feelings around going to see her again. I hope she can ease how you're feeling about wasting her time - you are worthy of time, support and energy. In the world and here on the forums 
I'm proud of you @MB95, there is absolutely no shame in being on medication (I've been there and so many others have as well). I'm proud of you for recognising the challenges you're facing and doing the best thing for you.
Thanks @Taylor-RO. I don't want my grades to suffer for it and have been warned how full on this 2wk intensive is gonna be so thought maybe now isn't the greatest time. I'm already so stressed about it and woke up thismorning in a panic cause I had dreamt I missed all my classes. I didn't realise how anxious I was to be going back 🙃
And thanks heaps for the last part of your message. I'm just really struggling with the idea of going back at the moment. I think I'm just scared about some of the stuff we brought up last time, and just don't feel like I'm worth her time now she wants to cut the sessions back. I'm sure I'll get there eventually because I do think alot of her but at the moment I just feel really upset about the whole thing and don't want to be wasting her time so I think I just need time to try and sort myself out on my own. And knowing I have you guys for support really helps!! So thanks ❤
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be independent and reducing your reliance on others. It takes a lot of self-reflection and courage to realise and admit this.. please be mindful of your limits and reach out to your psychologist or other professional supports, if you feel you need to. Any professional that cares about your well-being, would prefer you to reach out for support rather than struggle alone. They can only go off what you tell them, so being unaware of your struggles may mean that they suggest less appointments as there is less need. It could also be a good segue into sharing what is going on for you, 'Actually... I would prefer weekly appointments because ____'. I mentioned this, not to try and change your mind but because I wanted you to know that you don't have to go through this alone
Thanks @MisoBear. I've had a think about the medication and as much as I want to come off it I have taken what everyone has said on board and decided to wait for these next two weeks to be over because I have a pretty mental intensive at uni and my anxiety skyrocketed today just looking at the content for day 1. So I have decided to wait till it's finished because I don't want to be experiencing any side effects on top of the workload cause I know it won't end well. Plus I'm not seeing my psych so know it defs won't end well.
As for my B12 and iron, I'm thrilled they're back to being in the healthy range again, I just wish I noticed a difference and that mental health didn't affect physical health!! It's just confronting knowing it's all in my head now and that nothing is going to change unless I change it myself which is so damn hard!! Hopefully I'll get there eventually. I'm definately feeling a little more positive since moving into my new place and having my own space though. I still need to buy furniture but I'll get there eventually 😂
Hey @MB95,
I definitely understand feeling a bit dissapointed that you don't have any iron deficiencies etc and that the reason for your fatigue is your mental health. I think deep down many people feel that physical issues are easier to deal with (whether or not that is the case) because working on your mental health is such a huge undertaking. However, the fact that you've even checked in on your iron and B12 levels is a really great proactive step you've taken in helping yourself. You should be proud of that!
I can understand feeling daunted about tapering your medication. If you're having second thoughts, it's completely fine to stay on them for now and reassess later down the track. In medication can help us to feel a bit more stable and therapy can really help get to the root cause of what's happening and help you form better habits and understand your behaviour better. Sometimes we have really high expectations of what medication can do, but you've also got to put in the hard work too (which I know you've been doing). Whatever you decide, I know you'll do the right thing for you.
Yeah thanks @Andrea-RO and @MisoBear. I saw her again today as I saw a physio the other day and she asked me to get my GP to write me up a health care plan so we did that today and checked my bloods from the other day too. Turns out my B12 and iron are now within the healthy range again after a few months of injections and medications. So I'm happy about that because I don't have to be doing all that stuff anymore but I also haven't really noticed any changes from it with my energy levels etc so now know it's due to my mental health.. I'm just struggling to sit with the idea I guess. I think I'd been using my iron and B12 deficiencies as an excuse for my fatigue, tiredness and moods and now that I know it's not that I just feel let down?
I am also about to come off my medication which is kinda scaring me a little because I've strangely been starting to feel a little more on top of things yesterday and today. But I've also moved into a new house and think that could be helping lift my spirits and not the meds? I've been on the meds for months now and feel like they haven't done a whole lot. As much as I want to come off them because I'm sick of lying to my family about it, I'm also scared about it?
I'm also not seeing my psych atm cause I'm still stupidly upset that she wanted to cut back my sessions so now I feel like she doesn't want to see me at all and I'm scared to call up and make another appointment. I'm scared to come off my meds without her support but I also want to prove to myself that I can do this on my own and don't have to keep relying on her for help?
Sorry if this doesn't make a whole lot of sense, my thoughts are just a little all over the place at the moment. It's like there are two people inside of me. One that sees I am going to need support over these next few weeks and one that is stubborn and won't accept the help because she wants to prove she can do it alone and that she is strong enough?
I just want to be off my meds and be normal. I want to feel again and be happy and motivated to actually live!!!!
Hey @MB95,
It's always a good idea to have your iron and B12 etc checked. Good on you for being proactive and taking charge of your health with your GP, even if you don't have a great relationship with her. Maybe you could ask your psychologist for a good recommendation for a GP, my psych actually recommended a great GP for me and often people in health fields know each other and share referrals.
It sounds like your doctor might not be a good match for you at the moment @MB95 !
It always sucks when the health professionals that we work with don't mesh with us, but it's definitely part of the process of finding someone who we trust/get along with. While it doesn't sounds like your current doctor is super terrible, it might be worth visiting one or two other GPs to see if they fit better with you
Thanks heaps for sharing @Jess1-RO 😊 It's so nice to hear of someone else's experience cause I don't really have anyone to ask these questions to and I don't want to sound like I'm being needy or 'over dramatic' by asking my doctor a heap of questions. I get it's not a huge deal in the way illnesses go, but it's kinda a big deal to me? Like I just always thought my fatigue was due to my depression but knowing there's a physical aspect to it as well I just really want to fix it!!
I hadn't even heard of the spray so that's interesting! I'm just on the weekly injections and have been for a few months now but really haven't noticed much of a change.
I had an appointment thismorning and requested my bloods to be done so hopefully the results will show something is working! 🤞 I'm not entirely sure if I should be sticking with this doctor or changing.. like she's not the worst, but I generally have to ask for something to be done. Like she never asks, and with my meds she never asks how they're going? Idk. I know GPs are often different and don't care as much but it's just weird.. I often feel like I'm doing her job for her? 🙃
