Not sure what to do

Thanks @Maddy-RO, I'm glad to be back 😊 Things are still pretty meh for me, but for some reason I always find that helping others on here kinda helps improve my own mood so in a weird way it's helping me get by and is a nice distraction. 

Thanks heaps for sharing those links. I have never heard of FriendLine before but it does sound like it might be more suited to me. Idk, sometimes I just really wish I had one good friend I could call and chat to about everything. I usually just want someone to listen and not shove advice down my throat or try to fix it. I know it's something I need to fight on my own and in my own ways but sometimes it would just be nice to have someone to share my experiences with. Like idk, at the moment I feel like my psych is the only person I have in my corner so whenever things (good or bad) happen for me she's the person I want to tell which I know isn't exactly appropriate 🙃 So it's just sucky I won't be seeing her for a while. 

As for things to keep me busy in the meantime.. I have some workbooks and strategies etc. that my psych wants me to try and work on so I'm hoping to have a go at those while I've got the time away from uni. I'm just struggling at the moment because I'm getting the vibe my family don't want to leave me alone so they keep planning things for us to go and do. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate they want to spend time with me and keep me busy while I'm home, but I also just want some alone time and am not quite sure how to ask for it without upsetting or worrying them.. I also obviously don't want them catching me working on any of this stuff because they don't know anything yet.. 

I do like the idea of most of your suggestions so thankyou - it's just trying to find the time and mostly the energy to do them. Sometimes I am just so exhausted I can't get myself out of bed. And especially after doing things with my family during the day, I often come home and am just so physically and mentally exhausted I just lie down and chill. Like now, I'll usually just log on here and respond to peoples messages. Even then, I'm often drained from doing that 🙃 

I really am trying but sometimes I just feel like things are too hard. 

Hi @MB95, a lot of people can relate to just wanting to have a friend to chat to. From what you've said, it sounds like Friend Line might be very helpful for you! If you give it a try, do let us know how you go. It is amazing that you have some strategies to get through this holiday period and visit with your family. Wanting to have your alone time is pretty normal and we all feel like this at times It sounds like it is pretty important to you, given you are feeling drained and exhausted. As it is common, your parents are likely to also have times where they want to be alone. How would you feel letting them know your feelings around this? You could also suggest activities that are more relaxing and independent. Having this kind of conversation may also open up a conversation about your mental health, which I know has been something you have been thinking about. It definitely can be very draining to respond to others, so you are always welcome to take a break or keep things short

Hi @MB95, it sounds as though you have a tough few weeks ahead. Going without a vital part of our support network can definitely be a challenge. I am sorry that it is causing you to feel so low and out of place. I was wondering if you have a plan on how to cope for the next five weeks? Also, is this something you discussed with your psychologist?

It is up to you whether you open up to your parents - you know the situation best. I always try to keep in mind that although we are scared and worried about judgement, our friends and family cannot help us if they don't know we need help. Sometimes I also try to think about how I would feel if a family member or friend reached out to me.. I would love to be there for them and would wonder why they hadn't told me sooner. That being said, I do want to acknowledge that some spaces are not safe for us to share. Part of figuring this out could be considering whether your family's advice and support is likely to be helpful or harmful? 

We are so glad to hear that you appreciate our community here. Deciding to take a break from the forums to protect your well-being is brave and proactive - please remember we are always here to listen We also have a list of immediate support services here, if you find yourself needing someone to talk to.

Hi @Taylor-RO, 

Thanks for the link to the list of supports, I do appreciate it. My psych has written out a card for me too with all their numbers but honestly, I'm far too scared to make the call even when I really need it, and I've tried their online/text options but didn't find them very helpful which is why I use Reach Out instead. I find people on here actually listen and it's so much easier to connect because we can relate to each other. But thankyou anyway!! 

I guess my psych and I tried to discuss me coming home but we've been a bit distracted in our last few sessions with trying to sort out other things that have been going on for me. So we ran out of time to really focus on how to get through the next few weeks without her. She has given me an xmas workbook to work through and we were hoping to go through it in session but ran out of time. So I looked at it a couple days ago on my own but just became really overwhealmed so haven't actually looked at it since because I haven't been doing too great and found it kind of stressful. I feel like I'm slowly starting to improve a bit so was going to try and go through it again sometime over the weekend if I'm feeling up to it.

Thanks ❤

I'm home now and really struggling. I'm so used to being the strong one that I don't know how to tell my parents and really not sure I want too. They have alot going on at the moment themselves so I'm just playing it by ear and trying to work out what my best option is. My brother recently told them he thinks he has anxiety and I don't think they've really done anything to help him. It's not that they don't care, because they really are great parents, but they just don't seem to have the time I guess? Or know how to approach it or what to do? Idk. I'm just scared the same will happen with me and I honestly can't afford to be let down again at the moment. Especially by my own parents.. 

Hi @MB95 and @Alison5 , 

I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the amazing support and advice being shared on this forum, I haven't been here for long but it truly is a special space. There is so much strength and resilience being shown here, and it truly shows the power in sharing our experiences. 

@MB95 you are showing an amazing amount of strength and insight, it can be really challenging building a therapeutic relationship with a psychologist or other mental health professional, especially when it means opening up about things that you may not even share with those closest to you in 'real' life. Be gentle with yourself - like you said earlier, it takes time to build up those relationships. I'm really glad to hear that your psych is able to keep treating you, and it sounds like you have come a really long way in being able to trust people and let them in. 

The support you've had here from @Alison5 , @Bee  and others here is really wonderful to see - when you said "I really do love your positive outlook on things!! I'm currently trying to work on my way of thinking with my psych and she's not wrong that it takes a lot of time especially after thinking I'm worthless for so long but reading messages like yours definately helps inspire me to want to be able to think like some of you guys on here!!! It's definately motivating so thankyou" it really summarised to me what is wonderful about this space. 

@MB95 you mention having difficulties knowing where to draw boundaries in terms of your attachment with your psych, this can be a very normal feeling to have, and your psych will be aware of this. Do you feel comfortable sharing how you're feeling with them? It's not something that you need to feel awkward or embarrassed about at all - it's a very common thing in therapy, and shows that you're an empathetic and kind person when you're thinking about them and how they're doing, I think .If you do feel comfortable opening up with them, they will be able to explore this with you further, but I just wanted to reassure you that it's very normal, and psychs are skilled at managing those boundaries 🙂 

You write with so much insight and empathy - I hope you have a good day today, it really sounds like you are well on your way to making those leaps and bounds  

Thankyou so much for your beautiful message @Janine-RO and welcome! 😊I'm still fairly new myself but everyone on here has taken me in straight away and made me feel so safe and accepted it's just lovely. So you're certainly not wrong when you say it's a special space and I'm sure they'll do the same for you!! Sometimes I just wish I could meet everyone on here in person because it'd be so nice to have people like this around me in 'real-life'. But it's still lovely and I always look forward to checking my messages. It's what's keeping me going at the moment so it's nice. 

I've had a bit of a challenging day today being stuck between trying to overcome negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones like my psych wants me to do. I'll save you from the rant cause I just went into it on another one of my threads but I just want to apologize in advance if my reply isn't 100% positive. I am trying my best!!! 💪 And reading your message just now has definately helped boost my confidence and mood so thankyou, I really need it at the moment!!! 

I feel relatively comfortable talking to my psych, like I trust her and feel safe with her. I just struggle to talk. We've talked about the attachment thing and she's worked in peads so says she knows how to handle it but idk, sometimes I just feel like a child because I feel so attached to her? But I also don't let myself feel it if that makes any sense? Like I'm trying so hard not to get attached because I know I'm only going to end up hurt in the end but in doing this sometimes it feels like it's stopping me from being able to open up to her properly? And I feel terrible because she is trying so hard with me at the moment and has told me I'm a tough egg to crack and I don't want to make her job harder because she is the one person I want to share everything with but I don't want to end up hurt at the end of it all either...

Do you know if attachment can be linked to trauma? Cause she seems to think I've experienced a few traumas but doesn't want to touch on them till next year and when my supports and strategies are in place properly. And the couple times I've tried to bring up attachment it's like she doesn't want to go too far into it yet? Idk. I find it hard to bring up too cause I don't want her to see me differently. I hate people feeling sorry for me or showing sympathy cause it makes me feel pathetic. 

Thankyou. I feel like I understand and know quite alot about mental health because I've been dealing with it on my own for years now so have done plenty of research and actually wanted to study psychology but was worried people would wonder why so I changed my career path.. but it's like I know and understand quite a bit and can help others through shit but can never seem to help myself through it. I always believe others are worthy and deserving of attention and help but for some reason my brain just does not allow me to believe it when it comes to me. This year is the first in almost 10 though that I've finally managed to reach out to a psych and connect on here so I'm hoping it's a start because I REALLY don't want to live like this anymore. I'm exhausted and just want it all to end. If I could do a brain or body swap I totally would!!!! 

Hi @MB95 ,

It's really nice to hear from you, and please don't apologise if your reply isn't 100% positive! I really admire your honesty and openness on this forum 🙂 

I also  just wanted to acknowledge how awesome @Alison5 's support and shared experience is on this thread, it truly is so powerful to have experiences shared from people who have walked similar paths. It's a really generous thing to do- and like you said @MB95 ,it can be so inspiring to hear from others who've lived through it. 

We're sorry to hear that today has been a challenging day for you - sometimes I like to think of practising new skills, like replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, like exercising a muscle. The more we do it, the easier it comes, and it's also important to be gentle with yourself. Nobody gets it right all of the time, developing new habits and new ways of thinking takes time, and that's OK. I'm so happy to hear that reading the messages here has been helpful - you should be proud of how well you are doing with your psychologist, and with uni and life in general!  You show so much intelligence, insight and compassion in your responses here.

If it's something you want to explore later through study/ a career change, so many people change careers in their life - I wouldn't worry about people thinking poorly of you at all. Psychology in particular is a field that attracts a lot of people who've had other careers, personally I think that life experience is incredibly valuable, and there's so many mature age students returning to study at different stages of life. I saw an article about an 84 year old graduating with a PhD - it truly is never too late 🙂 

Regarding attachment, my understanding is that sometimes attachment styles can be linked to past trauma, and it's really positive to hear that you have a trusting relationship with your psych and are able to work through those issues with them. I completely hear you when you say that it can be hard to completely open up about certain things - developing a good relationship with a mental health professional takes time, and trust, and it really sounds like you're making huge progress there. Having the courage to be vulnerable is a huge thing, and hopefully you can continue to develop that relationship. 

You mention that you're exhausted, and want it all to end, that sounds very distressing, and I just wanted to check if you are safe at the moment? 

Sorry I've taken my time to respond @Janine-RO, I've just been exhausted from work and trying to keep on top of my thoughts. I'm also finding it a bit overwhelming with everyones posts and support on here at the moment so trying my best to keep up and respond to all you amazing people! I also like to take the time out to respond properly and sometimes it can take me quite a while so just have to take breaks and work up the energy to do them 🙂

But to answer your question, I am safe. I was just mentally and physically exhausted when I wrote that sorry. I didn't mean anything serious by it, just wanted to stop feeling that way. My psych and I have plans in place for when things aren't great and I do go down that path so I kind of know what to do and who to contact. I promise I wouldn't post anything on here. I'd absolutely hate to feel helpless and not be able to do something to help someone so I would never put anyone on here in that position. We have a plan in place for when I'm feeling suicidal so it's all good. I know what to try and do in those times👍 But thankyou for checking, I do really appreciate it and am sorry if I caused any concern ❤

Thankyou so much for your kind words!! I had my last session of the year with my psych yesterday and it went so well!! I'm really hoping that next year is going to be the year for me where I can finally beat this. We talked about how I'm becoming alot more motivated lately to put myself in uncomfortable positions and how she can see me progressing, slowly, but still progressing. Yesterday I shared my uni results with her, my 2nd psych and the guy on the desk and their reactions just made me feel so supported and worthy. I was on such a high and every time I think about it now it just makes me smile. I feel like I finally have some people in my corner that are willing to truly help me and just some of the stuff they said to me yesterday made me realise that I really can trust them. I feel like my session with my psych yesterday just really confirmed she is there to help and it's safe for me to open up to her. It was such an amazing feeling!!! I know I'm going to struggle heaps opening up but I feel like I now know I can truly trust her and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders!! I don't even know why I'm rambling on about this sorry 😂 It's so off topic but I just feel amazing and so thankful to have her support 😊 

As for studying psych, I am still really interested in it and have thought of swapping over next year but a few people have told me you need to get your PhD to become an actual psychologist? You can't just become one with a bachelors which means that's like 8yrs or something right? I'm just not good with sticking round in a place for long.. I'm struggling with 4yrs 😂 

Thanks again for checking in and I am sorry if I caused any worry or concern but I'm all good!

Hi @MB95,

I remember feeling a lot like you when I first started seeing my psychologist. She is so open and amazing, but I was worried she would end our sessions abruptly one day or that she would move away. I think that you will build that trust with her more and more each session and that feeling may start to dissipate. It's also important to remember that your psych is not going to up and leave you without having someone else lined up who is awesome (I know it could be hard to see a new person, but psychologists have a duty of care to make sure that you've got someone else to see). You can also talk about those feelings (feeling worried you may be abandoned by your psych, feeling worried about ending the sessions) with your psychologist. She may be able to present some ways to think about those things that you hadn't considered.

Your psych will work collaboratively with you to decide when your next sessions will be and how far apart they will be, and you don't have to have a hard end on your sessions. I go back about once or twice a year to see my psychologist, or when I really need it. It's like maintaining your physical health: you go in for check-ups even when you're feeling okay. Your psychologist will make sure that you're in the right headspace to reduce your amount of sessions, so even though right now that thought is scary, you will be okay when it happens.  Maybe try bringing this up with your psych and see what she says, she may be able to shed some more light on what may happen which might help you feel better. 

Thanks for the message @MisoBear ❤

I completely understand what you're saying and in theory it all makes total sense, but practically I can't seem to get myself to believe she isn't going anywhere.. I'm trying so hard to believe it but it's like I understand it one day but then the next I really feel like she's going to abandon me? Like occasionally I'll even wake from dreams in a panic cause she's left and told me I'm not worth her time anymore or I'm too hard to deal with. And those dreams SUCK!! I'm trying my best but it's not always easy to get myself to trust and believe what people are saying unfortunately 😔

I have spoken to her about it and she understands and has told me that I will probably be seeing her for a few years yet and that I shouldn't worry about it because she will give me plenty of notice if she is going anywhere and that when she decides to stop seeing me on a weekly basis it'll be when I'm ready and it's safe to do so but idk, I just can't seem to trust she isn't going to leave me, no matter what she says. And I hate that because I do trust her and think alot of her but idk, I'm just so scared I'll finally open up and then she'll leave. Was there anything in particular that had you believe your psych wasn't going anywhere? 

Hey @MB95, 

I am really glad to see that you've been receiving such good support from the community, and you are really engaging with the posts super well!

I can see that you are still struggling with some doubts about the theraputic process, which is super reasonable, and very common. Many people often feel a little weird or strange in a therapy session, because normally conversations are a back and forth between two speakers, while a therapy session is normally just focused on the client. You mentioned about wanting to know a bit more about your therapist, and again that is totally normal. Your therapist has probably fielded a lot of questions like this from different clients, and so I am sure they will be happy to talk about it. It's best to try and have a more open conversation about this and your motivations behind it, as there are no universal "safe" questions. Some therapists not want to share anything about their life, while other's might share a lot of their personal experiences. It's hard to know where your therapist lies on the spectrum, so the best way to find out is to ask honestly!

Thanks @Andrea-RO - your message makes a lot of sense and helps make me realise it's normal I guess. I just feel really weird about it because I already have issues with attachment so don't want her to think I'm this crazy weird stalker person that wants to know everything about her. Because I don't (and I'm not lol), I just want to get to know her a bit before I completely open up to her. And I actually feel guilty that I don't know anything about her or feel comfortable asking how she is because usually it's me that people know nothing about. Idk it's weird. Like I get she's my therapist but I often find myself wanting to help her. Like she's been sick for a couple weeks in session and I could tell she was just really run down too and not with it and I wanted to just ask her about how she was feeling and listen to her problems rather than my own but was so scared to even ask her how she was because I didn't want to freak her out or cross some sort of line. I know I'm probs being paranoid but it's just how I feel. I get scared that if I ask the wrong thing she'll refer me on and not want to work with me anymore which I definitely do not want!!!! It's just an uncomfortable feeling and one I really don't like. I feel so selfish that the sessions are just about me. I'm going to try my best and take your advice on board to ask her honestly but have you got any suggestions on how I can get over the fear of asking the wrong thing and freaking her out? Idk, I just really don't want to stuff things up because I think she's great and a really good fit for me!!! 

Hey @MB95 

I hope you don't mind me popping in here. I've just been catching up on your thread and can see how much you are benefiting from the help you are receiving on here, which is great to see. I can see that you are extremely receptive to help, and that you're very insightful, which I think are two traits that will definitely help you tackle the obstacles you're facing. You should be very proud of yourself for seeking professional help and peer support - not everyone does!

It sounds like you're struggling to fully trust and open up to your therapist, which I think is very common. It takes me a super long time to trust people - like I only told my boyfriend about super personal stuff about 1.5 years into dating...and I speak to him multiple times every day, whereas you probably only see your therapist once a week. It makes sense to want to get to know the person (to a degree) before you make yourself totally vulnerable, which can be hard-ish to do when you only see them for 50 minutes a week, and for that time mostly speak about yourself. So yes, be patient with yourself, and I think as @Bee pointed out, it's good to focus on even the small improvements. For the most part, it sounds like you have great rapport with your therapist and I think in time you'll be extremely comfortable with her. Hang in there. 

Let us know how Wednesday's session goes 

Thanks @Maddy-RO ❤ It's taken me years to build the courage to reach out for help but I guess I finally reached breaking point and decided I just really don't want to live like this anymore so am open to anything that'll get me back into the land of living! I feel like I've been dead for so long that I just want to start fresh and try find my way from there. I'm slowly learning that no one can fix this but me. It's an exhausting battle but I finally feel like it's one I'm ready to try and win this time!!! 💪

Thankyou so much for your message, it was lovely to read and I love it when new people reach out! It's just nice to know so many people care and I really appreciate the support. It doesn't seem to matter how big or small the problem is, the people in this community are always there to listen and provide support which I just think is incredible. I don't feel as alone as I usually do which is nice. ❤

I like that you related it back to your situation because I guess I'd never really thought of it that way. It made me think of how long it took me to open up to my two best friends. I had to know everything about them and feel totally comfortable before I told them even the smallest of details. So I guess that could kind of be the same? I did speak to the other psychologist I sometimes see (when mine is away) about feeling really uncomfortable not knowing anything about mine. Like I always want to ask her questions and how she's going etc. but I also don't want to cross any lines. I'm usually the listener and not the talker so it's weird not knowing anything about her. Do you have any advice on that? Like maybe some questions you think are 'safe' to ask her? Cause idk. I also want to get to know her a bit more cause I HATE just talking about me... 

@MB95 it is a great feeling to be able to break down my barriers and be open/honest/comfortable with my psych. I'm glad you find my story and responses inspiring, this is something I hope for with my responses.

Hehe, don’t worry about the long posts, I tend to ramble on and on too! And I find that it’s super easy when you’re in a safe supportive place too. I do try to keep my writings short for my psych, although a couple of times she has been faced with a few pages of text – oops 😛

Re: trauma, just because others' have gone through worse, it doesn't mean that the experience wasn't traumatic for you at the time.

I have experienced similar with my psych, where she would help provide me with some words to fill in the one I couldn't think of. For me, it was empowering because it showed me first-hand, she is really trying to help me and work through the stuff I need to. I look forward to hearing how your session goes Wednesday 🙂

It's okay to feel anxious talking to your psych. It's not easy to put yourself in a vulnerable position and be so open about things. You're doing a great job! If moving the ring around or snapping the elastic band helps go for it 🙂

Those two particular tangles I searched all over the web for because they are textured and metallic 😛 Sometimes Kmart has some, but mostly the smooth ones. But if you just google "tangle toy" you'll see heaps of places you can find them. I love them!

I think it shows a lot of strength that you don't want it to seem like your being rude when you zone out. Are you able to let her know what’s happening when this occurs?

Haha nice!! I feel like that will be me 😂 Maybe I'll have to write it out and then write it out a second time more briefly before giving it to her lol If you write out a decent amount @Bee, does your psych read it all during session? Or will she just skim it? Cause I'm not great and feel like if my psych didn't read it properly it'd leave me feeling really upset? Also, do you get really anxious while she is reading it? 

Thanks ❤ I guess I kind of understand that but then idk, sometimes I feel like I really don't have the right to be so upset and depressed because I have a pretty great family and am lucky in so many other ways? Idk, it's hard to explain. I just feel like I should be able to cope. 

I never thought of it as being empowering because I usually feel pretty dumb for not being able to answer what she's asked of me, but I do feel like she is truly listening when it happens because it's like she knows exactly what to say and exactly how I'm feeling. So that does feel good. Man you're awesome at looking at things from a different perspective and getting others to do the same without even realising it!! 

I'm gonna have a look tomorrow for some of those tangles cause I think they're awesome!! 😍 

And I'm going to try and tell her on Wednesday about the zoning out. God I have SO MUCH I want to talk to her about and no way am I going to get it out in 50min 😂 Especially when she is wanting to use the session to prepare me for going home. She's made up a workbook for me and wants to go through it all which I feel like is going to take up majority of our time! Which is fine, she's been trying to get to it for a few weeks but something else has always come up so I need to give her the time to go through it all with me I guess. Sometimes I just wish it was longer than 50min cause it's like I finally start to relax a little and then the session is over 😂

It's such an amazing feeling hey @Bee ? Realising that you've finally found the right professional supports 😊 I've just gotta talk myself through the fear of letting her in and then hopefully things will really start to change. She's talked about wanting to work with me next year on some of the traumas she thinks I've experienced and that kinda freaks me out BIG TIME!!! It's like she already knows me, yet I've barely told her anything?! I did manage to give her a list a few weeks back of things I want to work on but idk, I didn't think any of it was 'traumatic'. Like people have definitely been through a lot worse than me that's for sure!!! And I do try my best to talk to her about the fears I have with brining shit up but it's so hard. I often get some words or sentences out and then she finishes them off for me or gives me options to choose from about how I might be feeling because I often can't think clearly or put things into words. Which is why I'm going to try my best to use your writing technique and give it to her first thing at our last session on Wednesday! So I'll definitely let you know how it goes - thanks heaps for caring ❤

I'm glad it made you smile because it's the truth and I just want you to know how much your support and messages mean to me. They encourage me to see things differently so thankyou 😊

Those tangles look really cool!! Where did you get them from? I often wear a ring so either play with that or occasionally snap the elastic on my wrist but also feel weird doing that in front of her. I was doing it the other day without even realising until I realised she looked down at my hands quickly before asking me what had me so on edge. It's so annoying and I just want to feel calm while I'm talking to her but sometimes it's just so hard!!!

Do you ever find yourself zoning out during sessions? Like, your psychologist might be talking and you're listening but nothing is going in? Like you're looking at her and her mouth is moving and she has your attention but you can't focus or take anything in that she's saying? And then when she asks you a question it's like you don't understand what she's asking? Even if it's such a simple question? It happens to me all the time and I'm just wondering if you've had a similar experience? Cause I don't want to come across as rude and have her think I'm not listening or I don't care because I really do, it's just like my brain is mush and I'm not in my body? 

I'm so glad to hear you were able to break down that barrier, I bet it felt amazing being able to trust yourself to be vulnerable and speak out about the tough shit. That's so brave of you and truly inspires me to want to be able to do the same!! You really seem like you know what you're talking about and that you have some great techniques in place. I'm sure it's been a long and hard journey but you should be so proud of yourself because I can definitely tell you've got the strength and determination within you!! 💪

Hi @MB95 
I am really glad to hear that you are feeling more comfortable with your psych, and that you are recognizing your progress and feeling calmer, that is not an easy thing to do. I am really happy to hear that you have had so much support here on the forums 

Thanks @Claire-RO - it has a lot to do with talking to people on this forum so I'm so thankful it exists. It's just nice to be able to talk to people about things and receive their support cause trying to open up and trust people has never been a strong point for me but I'm slowly learning my psychologist is there to help and it's all thanks to this community of amazing people 😊

It's lovely to hear from you @scared01 😊 But please don't be sorry!! I get that everyone is busy and has their own shit going on!! I hope you're doing okay and I'm also here if you ever need someone to talk too ❤

I'm pretty up and down at the moment. Trying to push through shit and look at things more positively but holey shit it's hard when you're feeling so down and alone hey?! I've picked up a heap of shifts at work which I'm using as a nice distraction at the moment and a reason to get out of the house otherwise I just spend most of my day in bed cause I'm too tired not too. 

Hey @MB95 

Congratulations on getting through your exam period; that can be so stressful so well done . I love your proactive approach to 'fighting the thoughts' in your head in order to try and establish new connections.  That is both really brave but also insightful.  First of all you are reaching out on this platform; that's a wonderful start

The feeling of others 'not wanting to hang out with me' is very common.  I promise you that other people are also be thinking 'no-one wants to hang out with me'.   I have before too  However, one of the best things you can do is practice making connections .  Even if you make one connection from every ten attempted, that's a new connection right?  Best thing to do is start slow and build from there.  It really is a practice.  The first time you try and meet someone you may stuff it up a bit.  By practicing however, you'll get better at it

Thanks @TOM-RO 😊

I'm trying my best with the thoughts but it's so much harder than my psychologist makes it sound!! I'm at least starting to notice them now, it's just the fighting back that's extremely difficult - who would have thought?! 

I really love the way you look at it, that every one connection out of ten is still a new connection - I hadn't actually thought of it that way before so thanks. Have you got any suggestions on how I could get out and meet people? I'm thinking of volunteering at a few places but it's either with elderly people or young kids so not like I can ask them to hang out 😩 I don't know why but I always avoid situations with people my own age.. 

Also wondering if I do ask some people from work or uni to hang out how you'd bounce back if it doesn't work out? I find that's when I give up and don't think I'm worthy of having friends. I'm one of those people that cares way too much and is always the one to make the contact but then when they don't make it I get upset and give up?