Not sure what to do

Ahahaha yeah I never realised how cute they were.. 🤣

And will do! Thanks for always listening and caring 💜

Thanks @Taylor-RO, I hope they calm down too!! It was a pretty damn exhausting week with my first full week of work in months, and then all the bullshit on top. But my housemate has stopped messaging now I'm ignoring her which is great! And she's away atm so it's nice I don't have to see her in person. My other housemates are great, especislly the new one, she's amazing! She was away when all this happened but since she's been back I've been feeling alot more supported cause she has just met me and said that our other housemate made is so personal towards me and there was no need for it. So it was just nice to hear it from someone who literally just met both of us! Cause obviously people I know will stick up for me so it just made me feel comfortable with my decision. She's been so supportive that she even suggested going to the real estate so we're hoping to meet with them tomorrow arvo! I didn't really want it to come to this but we just wanna make sure we have all our facts right cause we found in our lease that it sounds as though she has no legs to stand on. So I'm definately feeling less anxious and sick over it all now. I'm scared to see her when she gets back but we'll worry abou that when the time comes 🤣

I have an appointment with my psych tomorrow and she'll no doubt ask me about it but I'm not sure we'll talk much about it cause I think I'm feeling okay about it now. I'm not okay with the way my housemate treated me, or continues to treat me, but I'm okay with my decision now so it's easier to stand my ground. The rest is her damn problem and if she can't deal with it she can move out, I'll happily hold the door open for her 🤣 God that's mean, but she brings out the bitch in me lol 

Thanks @Alison5 💜 Lets hope the real estate can help us a little tomorrow and then if not I'll call the legal people my psych suggested! 

Ahahahaha we are too alike @Lost_Space_Explorer5! I would have jumped to that conclusion too 😂 But it's all good! Thanks for checking in, and for my sloth hug - I totally felt it 😍 And appreciated it!! Netflix was a good distraction, I'm watching Atypical atm and LOVE it! It's about this teenage boy with autism and growing up, I just love watching his relationship with his sister lol Well with anyone really.. I love how literal he is!! 

Anyway, thanks for checking in guys. I apprecite it! I just needed a bit of a break but think I'm starting to feel better now my new housemate is back. She doesn't know either of us yet feels I'm in the right and what my other housemate was saying to me was totally uncalled for. So in a strange way I feel less overwhelmed by it all and more supported and comfortable standing my ground. 

Hey @MB95, I am glad you are looking after yourself by watching Netflix, chilling out and ignoring her messages. This type of thing can be so exhausting especially when you are experiencing it in your home. It sounds so difficult and I can see how it would feel really overwhelming. I really hope that things calm down or that one of you are able to move out. How do you find living with your other housemate? Also, do you plan on talking to your psychologist about this again?

Aww @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ❤ Thanks, I really appreciate you always willing to have my back lol I'm honestly too tired to go into it tonight and just want to try forget about it all. I'm about to log off and watch Netflix I think cause I think I just need a chill out night to myself. I'll explain it at some stage, but don't stress! As much as she's upset me, I can handle it. I'm sadly used to it. Just hasn't happened in quite a while so it's been a little shock to the system I think. But I'll get over it like I always do! I really appreciate you caring though ❤ I don't really know either and I think she is just someone that always has to have some kind of drama going on. And yeah, she knows I hate conflict so won't fight back. She's just got A LOT of growing up to do I think! She has no empathy for others so I'm not quite sure how she's gonna become a social worker but we'll see.. 

Thanks for sharing your experience @Taylor-RO! Honestly, house shares can either be amazing or absolutely horrible! I've now experienced both lol I'm just keeping an eye out in the chance I decide to move out. Our new housemate has also said if I go she's coming cause she doesn't wanna live with this housemate either. She did spit the dummy though and told me she'd moving out (she's done this a few times) so we'll see what happens.. I just quietly wish she would. It would make living here so much easier! 

It has been pretty full on but I think not replying to her messages has helped. Part of me so badly wants to tell her what I think but I know that'll only fire her up and I honestly cannot be bothered with her. So I'm just gonna ignore her messages. She can carry on to me all she likes but she's not gonna get a response. 

I think I'm okay at the moment. Like I said, I'm just going to watch some netflix for a bit and chill out. I'm just exhausted so think that probably isn't helping the situation. I do feel a lot better just talking on here for a bit so thankyou! ❤

Hey @MB95, I don't think you need a reason to validate how you are feeling. I can really see why this is having such a massive impact on you. It is not okay to be verbally abused and I am sorry that this is something you are used to experiencing. It can be tough to have those two different parts of you clashing. I have lived in a few share houses and housemates have been quite disrespectful and inconsiderate towards me. I tried to chat to them politely and they kind of blew up at me. It made being home quite uncomfortable for me so I moved out and it has been the best choice I have ever made.

It sounds like things are really overwhelming and hitting home for you. It is great that you got to quickly chat with your psych about it. Are you thinking of hurting yourself now?

Yeah she's just being a bitch to me, it's not the first time it's happened so sadly I'm kind of used to it. I was bullied quite alot in school and I think that's why it affects me so much. Cause it brings it up and I hate thinking about it. Just makes me sick. It's like part of me knows what they say isn't true but then almost all of me won't believe it's not true if that makes sense? I already hate myself enough so when someone else says shit to me then it just confirms what I already think of myself. It's dumb, I know, but no matter how hard I try I can't stop it. I was so good with my thoughts last week but since Monday I've been really struggling. And I've been wanting to hurt myself to try and make it stop. It's just rediculous. My psych also told me to block her if I want too!! 😂 She hasn't messaged me today so I'll just leave it for now but if she continues to then I'll put it on mute. Do you know if it tells people once you block them? Cause I know she'll lose it at me for that too 🙃 ahahaha YES! I LOVE that you get it!! Lol I felt bad cause in my email I told her I'd only take 5min cause I just wanted her advice but it turned into 20min. Although she was the one who kept asking me questions so I blame her..  🤣

Yeah neither would I!! She suggested I read over our lease agreement and just make sure I have all my facts right and that calling these people might also help me. She didn't want to give too much advice but in so many ways I think she also agreed I was in the right. She seemed more worried about the messages my housemate was sending me than anything. It was just a quick chat, well 20min lol But that's quick in therapy land right? 🤣 So she is going to talk through it more with me during our next session. But she told me I don't need to put up with her verbal abuse and can message back asking her to stop if I want to. I'm just ignoring it all at the moment cause I'm really not good with conflict. So we'll see how it goes. I'm just gonna watch some Netflix tonight instead to take my mind off it and chill out!!! 😊

Thanks guys! I spoke to my psych today cause it's just been too much for me and making me sick. She reminded me that I don't have to put up with verbal abuse and be walked all over. She's given me a couple of numbers I can call for actual legal advice for house shares so I might try calling them tomorrow to see what they say. I'm just trying not to think about it now and try chill out for the night cause it's just making me feel shit.

I LOVE your analogy and it was actually such a good way to look at it, thankyou!! ❤ 

I would never dream of opening up to her about my mental health. Like ever. She is the type of person that would use it against me. And I hate saying that but it's true. I can't quite put it into words but she is EXTREMELY difficult to deal with. I feel like I've given her so many chances. And I've tried so hard to help her and let things slide but now I just feel like she's taking me for a ride. She is just extremely self centred and inconsiderate of others. I really hate talking about people like that but it's true. I really have tried and given her so many chances but I'm done with her shit. I think your analogy made me realise that. Part of me still slightly feels sorry for her, but the bigger part of me is trying to tell me to stand up for myself. I'm on meds too yet I don't bully people and make them feel like shit. Idk. Sorry. I'm just a little all over the place. She really hurt me and I've been sick the last couple days because of it. It's all far too much to go into but I really have empathised with her, and I thought we were on a good page but clearly not. I don't think anything will change. One of us is moving out hopefully soon so it should all be good! 

So.. I was just getting something out of the pantry and found my housemates meds.. they had the same sticker on them that says not to stop them abruptly like mine say so I was curious if they were an SSRI. I feel bad but I decided to google the name of it and turns out it is. I don't know how I should feel about it. This is the housemate that has been being a complete bitch to me (it got a whole lot worse tonight but I can't be bothered going into it) so I don't know how I should feel. Like, it makes me sad that people are on them and I feel for them when they are cause of my own journey, I guess I just get how hard it can be? Idk. So part of me feels guilty and I don't even know why! Like I feel like I should just give in and pay more rent than her like she wants. But then I also feel annoyed because I'm also on the same sort of meds and dosage yet I don't treat people like shit? Idk. I just don't quite know how I should be feeling about it. Part of me feels bad and part of me believes it's no excuse for her to treat me like dirt? Idk. Should I be cutting her some slack? 

How do I stop doubting myself? I feel like a bad person. Like I feel like I know I'm not in the wrong but I can't quite get myself to believe it? I just feel bad for standing up for myself because I don't feel like I'm worthy. So I don't know how to do it without giving in? I just feel like shit and want this to be over cause it's making me sick.