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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, it seems like you are doing a lot of questioning and reflecting tonight. You are going through so much pain and hurt right now. I can really hear that you want things to get better and you want to feel okay Heart I want those things for you too.

 

If some people in your life have noticed that you aren't okay, what would it feel like to open up to them a little more? When it comes to supporting someone else, everyone has a different personality which might impact how they give support. For example, how I respond to the community is probably different to how Maddy-RO responds to the community. We all have a preference for the way that we want to be supported as well. It is okay to feel like someone is a bit more tough than you would like. It is also okay to prefer to be supported by other people instead Smiley Happy

 

We all look forward to your other posts tomorrow, when you feel ready to share. 

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Can someone please talk to me?

I feel so alone and worthless..
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, I am really sorry to hear that you're feeling a bit low tonight, did you want to elaborate a bit on what you're struggling with at the moment?

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Andrea-RO I don’t really know.. I’m just lonely, and I feel like I’m no help to Bananatime04 and Tiny_leaf. They are so good at helping each other, and I feel left out. They haven’t even seen my thread yet.. I know I should probably tag them if I want to talk to them about this stuff, but I feel like they’re suffering enough already. I don’t want to be a burden, like I feel I already am to most people.

I guess I’m lonely, really, but feeling like a burden and worthless in this world. I don’t even talk to my leaders much about it, because I know they’ll tell me I’m not. And because they are always busy when I wish to talk to them..
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Andrea-RO are you busy tonight?
Is that why it’s taking a bit longer for you to reply?

I’m trying not to get upset, but I just feel like I’m not important enough to have help.. I may not be in a crisis, but I can be in distress without letting on as much as that.

I’m not currently, but I can be, sometimes.. Which links in with my trust issues..
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Awh @xXLexi_Lou122Xx I’m so sorry my memory is not working.. I’ve been waiting for notifications from your old thread to pop up 😣

I’m just gonna read through your thread now, hang on Heart
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

It’s okay @Bananatime04
If you’re not up to it, you don’t have to. I’m not worth your time.
I’m not worth anyone’s time..

I am safe. I swear. Just sad and a little neglected by everyone, even irl. It’s not you guys, I just feel so alone rn. 😔
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

I have to go to bed now..
I’ll respond properly tomorrow, before school starts. I don’t go to school yet, but I do need to start getting into routine, when I do start..

😔
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

I'm very sorry to have taken so long to reply to you @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, unfortunately things have been a bit busy tonight, so I haven't been able to get to everyone as quickly as I would like Heart

I just want to let you know that you are appreciated and valued here. I am sorry that you were feeling so lonely tonight, ReachOut will always be here to you to try and help you through whatever you are going through Heart Heart

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx I’m so sorry that you have been back stabbed by so many people in your life and the state that it’s left you in Heart please know that none of us here would ever do that to you! I know I’m not someone irl for you but when I plan to work with kids helpline, I will be closer to you and will stay in touch after our time here is up Smiley Happy
Lexi, there are so so many horrible people in this world and what makes it even worse is it’s something that can be hidden.. sometimes for a while into a friendship. But there are good people, that aren’t fake friends. I know you’ve had bad experiences with friends in the past and I know this is extremely hard but we have to take notes on these situations and move on so that it doesn’t affect us later on. You can’t let them win! You were just too good for them. You will make many more friends in your lifetime, it’s so unfortunate that you’ve had a bad start but I’m in a similar position. I’ve left everything behind in another state, we’re both starting off fresh. Would it help to get to know people and to just be cautious of the warning signs of toxic relationships? I can help you discover some things to look out for if you like Smiley Happy just because you’ve had horrible people walk into your life, doesn’t mean you won’t find good friends. You’ve mentioned you made a friend at your new school and her name was also Lexi, how is she?

You’re never a waste of time! Definitely not to me and I can reassure you that you are 100% worth your leaders time. They are there to support you as well Heart I found this book on typo, it’s called an introverts guide I think.. would you be interested in getting that? I’m pretty sure it’s only between $5 and $10.

I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but it’s important for you to think about the meaning. Sometimes it’s okay to need a little help. None of your problems are too big or too small to be able to reach out. Considering the way it has left you, I think it would be the best option right now for you to get help. How would you feel about speaking to your parents about seeing your GP regarding a support plan. It sounds like you really need it and you do deserve it. Problems like self hate and low self esteems are issues that often need more assistance. You can’t recover on your own Heart also please don’t feel like your wasting the doctors time, I heard that I think it was 40% less people contacting their gp since this Coronavirus started, so they have more than enough time to speak with you Smiley Happy

I am the same with my family.. they don’t know I’m struggling but I know I need to tell them. Do you think we could both do that at some stage?
Can we come up with a few things that you can replace your forms of self harm? I know they are not physically harming your body but I can see the damage it is causing you Smiley Sad recovery is not a straight line and unfortunately relapses are part of recovering. Once you overcome this relapse, you will come back stronger than before Heart

I’m so sorry I didn’t See your new thread Smiley Sad can you please tag me when you start new threads in the future, so I can subscribe to them? I really want to help you and talk to you but I honestly thought you were taking a break Smiley Sad I’m so sorry I will not forgive myself

Do you think that message could have meant that the person sending the message knows that you are a good person and knows you don’t deserve the horrible things that you have gone through? I’m sorry that it has upset you Heart you don’t deserve the pain and struggles you are facing, but you are and maybe that person felt bad because it was out of their control and they didn’t know how to help?

I just want to say, it is so clear of the level of maturity you have at your age.. the way you respond and handle these situations is so well and something you should be proud of! I’m proud of you! I’m also really happy that you feel comfortable sharing all of these things with us here!

With support people, they are required by law to share information if someone is in danger of harm. How do you feel about telling her it’s your negative way of coping? She might be able to offer professional advice that way.. without being concerned for physical harm. You can also talk about the way it’s affecting you too Smiley Happy

“ I just want the pain to go away. for the hurt to go away. For every flaw to be perfected. Because I hate being me. I hate myself for being me. I hate myself for the way I react to even the slightest mistake I get told off for.” That message is such a powerful and meaningful way of words.. I can relate to this on so many levels and I am sure others can too, I would never have been able to word it the way you have! That’s some talent there! You’re not alone Heart

Lexi you are loved.. and I will do all I can to make you feel like you are supported and loved. I love you!!! I am not a fake friend, I will never back stab you and I will never leave your side no matter what it is you are going through Heart I will be here for the good days and the not so good days Smiley Happy life isn’t easy, especially for both of us. But we can make it through together! We have the whole world ahead of us and if we put our minds to it, we will get far!

I’m here for you! Xxx

(also sorry it took me a while to write this, I’m a slow reader Smiley Tongue )