Turning Negatives Into Positives
At the suggestion of Lightuptheworld, I thought I'd start another 'Turning Negatives into Positives' thread like there is on the old forum. Below is a quote from Antria who started the thread on the previous forum which I think explains the idea of the thread quite well.
"Sometimes it can be helpful to turn our thinking around and begin to challenge the way we look at things. Turning negatives into positives is a way of doing this! Basically, think of something that happened today, this week, this month or at some other time that felt negative and see if you can find a positive in it (or that came out of it)."
I find posting in this thread really helps me to look at things in a different way or see positives that I might not have noticed if I'm in a negative headspace. I'll start the ball rolling:
Negative: My friend didn't turn up to class this morning and I was worried I would be alone because I don't really know anyone else in the class.
Positive: It gave me a chance to sit with new people and get to know them better 🙂
Over to you!
@Creativegirl12 How are you feeling today? I know it can suck to feel alone and misunderstood, but just know we will listen and try to help. It sounds like you've had a tough time of it lately with migraines and difficult flights, have you been able to recuperate or just relax a bit since?
P: when I wake up in the middle of the night I have been able to give RO's Breathe app a try. I have also written down as much as I can about the nightmares so I can talk about it at headspace
Negative: starting to get so stressed and nervous about tomorrow
Positive: it's understandable, this is the first thing I've wanted to do in years and getting into the tafe course is so important to me right now. I'm going to do my best and what happens happens. And if I don't get in I can always try next year.
Negative: Feeling that semester burn-out creep up on me at the wrong time 
All those late assignments are yet to be done.
Positive: Getting to do a bit of self-care (even if it is a tad late) like cooking healthy meals and I'm seeing Tomorrowland later today! 
Positive: it's slowly starting to get better. By this time kst week hopefully it will all have settled down
Negative: I'm really down that I had to stop that medication as it was starting to help.
Positive: I can explore what other meds to try.
Negative: hospital
Positive: it's good to be home now, and as much as I hated it, it helped.
Positive: maybe these few days in hospital will help
Positive: I'm distracting myself and trying not to list to their demands.
Negative: I don't want to be safe...
Positive: I know I have to. I can get through this...
Positive: I'm through it, I'm not there anymore.
Positive: at least I had a good day. now I gotta ignore what is running through my head and focus on self care
Negative: I'm tired of the fight. I don't want to do it anymore
Positive: I'll try to hold on, if not for me but for my best mate.
Negative
I lost my job, another job offer fell through i was relying on now i cant pay rent and have no family.
Positive
I guess i don't have to work
Positive: I'm not self harming as frequent as I used to. It's getting better so I should be proud of myself. I went a while without self harming and I can hopefully stretch the period between events longer.
Negative: in so much pain now because I was so stupid.
Positive: I'm lucky I didn't do much damage like last time.
Negative: I'm getting so sick and tired of my mental health. Why can't it get better. I've been fighting this for years and feel like I'm going nowhere
Positive: I may feel like I'm going nowhere but I have come a long way. I'm learning about my condition, my triggers and how to cope better and when I need extra help. I will get there one day I just have to hold on
Continuing... (because I went over the character limit... whoops)
Neg: Rightio, that other negative. Around birthdays and christmas time gift giving seems like a natural part of the season. Which is why I don't feel as much guilt when given gifts but it's still there hanging over my shoulder, dragging me down. Because so often my family doesn't get it right and the gifts, they remain unused. A waste of money, just sitting there. Sometimes handed down but otherwise just wasted. And I feel at fault because they were for me, I should be thankful that I'm even receiving anything but all I feel is guilt and annoyance because my family just doesn't get me. I feel jealous of my younger cousin and brother who get cool things, things I would like, and I get the things my other cousin or sister would like. It's not right, socially, to be feeling jealous, guilt and annoyance in a 'jolly' season where I should be grateful, happy and... sombre? Humble even? And the worst part is I can't reprociate their gifts. I can't buy something for someone else without help because I just don't know people, not very well at least. Which makes me feel more guilty because all I can do is try to look happy and smile and say thankyou. Like I'm supposed to. Ugh, I want to give my families gifts but I can't because I don't know how, how to buy something for them they'd want or how to give without worrying about what they think. Whether they'd think or say 'oh you shouldn't have!' It's meant pleasantly, oh you shouldn't have bought something for me, I don't need/want anything! But it doesn't feel like it, it feels like they are downplaying your gift, saying your gesture is wasted.
Pos: I am, obviously, way overthinking this. Your family, while completely messed up and slightly misunderstood, are slowly getting better. Their gifts are something you'd use. Not a selfish thought, but it means they are understanding you better and what I like, what I love. And I'm being a little silly saying jealousy isn't in the seasons. Of course it is, not a highly advertised part but as a growing teenage girl feeling misunderstood by her family it's totally acceptable to feel jealous of your male relatives getting stuff you'd be interested it. I'm sure plently of people would feel annoyed too, especially sibling rivalries, being generally annoyed with your family. And you are grateful, and if not happy, but appeased. I feel content with where I am, happy that I am with my family. And sure, I suck at gift giving but lots of people do. Only last year was my family close to accurate, giving my foriegn money and travel things in preparation for my journeys. While it also sucks people aren't always straight forward with what they want, I know what some of the people in my life like and enjoy. And that's okay. And the gesture isn't being downplayed by the phrase 'you shouldn't have'. Being honest I don't know what it means but I honestly don't remember encountering it myself and I doubt I will. It's just something I've read and seen/heard on the various things I've watched. Nothing to fear, and even if it does happen, tone and body language also mean a lot. The phrase itself seems somewhat harsh but with welcoming body language and a soft, happy tone it means something else.
Neg: People are hard to talk to. And I can't manage very well. At all.
Pos: Hahaha. I've created LIL for this, Laugh Inside Loudly, for those quiet moments when you are LOL but not making any sound (or even movement) to show laughter. Because I can assure myself that I have made at least two friends that I will hopefully stick with. Even more people that are more than aquantainces but I don't know if the word friend fits.
Neg: I'm absolutely terrible at making my own friends. Just look at my track record. My best friend from early age, our families have been friends for a long time. My school friends, my mum introduced me to them and then left me there. A friend I made on my own, gone. More friends I've tried to make are gone. Even on my trip it felt like a friend I've made wasn't really a friend, just circumstances left us to be 'friends'.
Pos: Hush darling, I would say to myself. I've changed a lot, still not the best judge of character but I'm getting better. And my friend who I sometimes feel like it a 'friend'. She's speaks another language natively, and she was with her other native friends. They are my friends too, but sometimes it can be difficult speaking another language and she just didn't want that. And we are in the same school and see each other a lot. I'm getting better at friend-making. And that's good.
Neg: Walk in to the restuarant near-first. Sit down at a lovely, and empty, (four person) table. Watch patiently as people move around you and sit at other tables. Feel your hope for friends dim, see your three friends sit somewhere else. Watch as the restuarant is almost full, your table still empty. Sigh deeply because you feel alone. Force a smile as late people are directed to your lovely and still empty table.
Every. Bloody. Time.
Pos: Not always restuarants but it still hurts of course. But that's expected, I don't mind being by myself but alone... except I'm not alone, not really. I confessed to the people who sat down and they said, yeah it's the same with us. I couldn't help think that they still had each other while I was alone but, her meaning was clear, I'm not the only one it happens to.
More Pos: You don't call out to people, so they can always think the seats are taken. It didn't always happen and it also happened less towards the end. You even had an amazing friend who saw you by yourself and moved to sit with you so you weren't alone. This negative probably won't leave for awhile, maybe not at all. It'll happen occassionally but what's important, and what shines it out and throws it in that 'do not look, listen or touch' drawer is that you do have friends. People who will sit with you, or just general people who will if you encourage. I'm shy, reserved, people might think I want to be alone and leave it at that. I have friends who will sit with me and even if they don't, they're still willing another time.
Neg: It seems to be taking me forever to actually fall asleep, which is becoming increasingly annoying. My head won't stop running, it won't even quiet down, and I just toss and turn for close to an hour.
Pos: It's a pleasing feeling to wake up in the morning (except to alarms but we all know that feeling :)) knowing that I've fallen asleep. Even though I'm usually still tired.
Just one more.... (this involves sexuality and sexual topics, if that makes you uncomfortable, you can skip over it. :))
Neg: My head likes stories and sometimes these stories can be sexual. The problem is I am uncomfortable around those things and it just feels like I'm fighting against myself. My brain, thoughts and body are all fighting against each other and it's getting near too much.
Pos: I know where I stand and where my feelings sit on this particular topic. While your head might go a little too far and I'm left feeling uncomfortable it's okay because it will go away. It's alright to be confused but I know that I'm asexual. I know that I will never have sex. And I'm okay with it too.
That's better. But now sleep and I'm sorry if refering to myself as 'you' got confusing. It's what I do when I pep-talk myself. 🙂
It's been awhile but I need to get some stuff off my chest.
Neg: My mental stories aren't always pleasant, but now they are even more linked to my real world and it's not good. Because a small part of me kind of wants it to happen, as terrible and disturbing as they are.
Pos: That's all they are, stories. I'm a creative person, stories are my thing, daydreaming different things is something I enjoy and sadness, that's my element in stories. I know my way around it more or less, it's my stories focusing around what I'm good at writing about. And I love being in stories, which is why I want them to happen, because then the story would be real, and that would be cool to me. Not because what's happening but because it's a story become real.
Neg: I couldn't stop myself from freezing up around Jayden. Their presense and warm, cheerfulness just freaked me out. Some part of me feels that they were doing it intentionally, to get that uncomfortable feeling from me and that frozen state. I kept telling myself I wouldn't but each time I kept freezing up. Stupidly hopeless in the face of social interaction.
Pos: You've reached out to them, kind of, and are breaking down whatever it is that makes them in particular so uncomfortable. I think I know, I almost know, the reason why too. The opposite in personality social-wise. Their outgoingness and my ingoingness conflict so their direct openness to me just didn't work with my ingoingness so I froze.
Neg: My new family don't have the middle-ground so to speak. There's only yes or no and I can't handle that very well. It's hurting me emotionally because they'll ask me something "where do you want to eat?" and I might want nothing, maybe a cheap take out place or I could be in the mood for something fancy but my brain won't let me make that choice because I really don't mind, I don't want my decision to get in the way of what they'd rather do but they don't accept that. Same with choices, "rice or potato?" I can't choose, I might want potato but I'd be fine with rice if that's what they'd want but I'm in a position where my choice appears to be, the first one, in an unrealistic, broad way of putting it.
Pos: I really don't know about a positive for this. Where is the positive in being constantly indecisive in your head? I can't make proper decisions, I've rellied on my parents to do that instead, my friends. But that's a negative. The positive about this is that I know that I can give up what I want for a friend. I am happy letting them be happy, which makes us both happy. And I know that I'm not all that indecisive. I make the important choices, I make the minor choices and I choose which ones to let go for the sake of my friends and family. Because those choices aren't all that important in the long run and making sure my friends and family are happy is important. The important choices, those I know I will never change, but some can be simmered. And I know that as long as it doesn't make me too uncomfortable (because a little discomfort isn't a horribly bad thing because it could (and mostly is) related to being outside my comfort zone and I am somewhat happy to stretch it)) I am happy to do it.
Neg: I feel silly buying things for myself. I don't mind buying food for myself, or books for writing in, perhaps a pen or pencil if I'm feeling generous but 'gift' things? It feels selfish, wasting my money on those things. For example, on my trip around Europe I bought two decks of cards, two key chains and a sculpture for myself. (admittedly one keychain was for my brother but... don't tell him :)) But I feel guilty about wasting the money on those things. They are just possessions, I don't need them so why should I have them? Things are expensive, or even if they are cheap, that money could be put elsewhere. Schooling is expensive, food is expensive, housing is expensive. Everything is expensive but here I am wasting money on gifts that don't serve any purpose aside from hanging. The playing cards serve some purpose but I already have so many, why more? I'm not a collector exactly so, it feels like a waste. I try to be careful with money and other's money too. I feel immensly guilty when people buy things for me. Not so much around my birthday and christmas, because those are typically social gift-giving events but when it's something I won't use, it feels silly, there's another negative in here that I'll elaborate on in a sec or hundred but... money is precious, sort of and I feel like I'm wasting it.
Pos: Shush. I say just shush. It's okay to feel silly buying yourself things. But do you know what else you bought? A shirt, jewelry and magnets. And postcards. Not all of the things I've bought were for me. I'd done buying for people, and it was Italy! The playing cards had landmarks on them, some cool stuff so they were worth it. The keychains, you have a collection. And the sculpture, well that would make a good gift to someone anyway. I'm already so careful with my money, this is a near-once in this lifetime opportunity and it was okay to exploit it. It's okay to sometimes spend a little too much. I know that I have a steady amount safely tucked away for occassional use and money coming in monthly. I have a good bunch of coins lying around the place and probably some hidden notes. There is nothing to feel silly, or ashamed, of by buying yourself these things because you've deserved them. A little treat for yourself after such a long trip.
To be continued...
Neg: I officially hate my job and I am reaching breaking point
Pos: Atleast I have a 2nd job, less stressful and actually fun and chill
Negative: Been through some dark times in life which made me very dissappointed and full of hate as if no hope was left for me
Positive: I'm now thinking positive and know that I can change my life and this thinking and determination is bringing hope, love and happiness in my life.
Positive: managing fairly well considering, and I promised myself to stay safe
Negative: voices too
Positive: took my meds and gonna go to bed early
Positive: it kept me safe and I got to do some art therapy today which was pretty fun.
Negative: I'm so tired. This new medication makes me really drowsy.
Positive: it could be worse. I'm gonna have a nap now to see if that helps
Pos: it happens. Drawing on negative feelings to build strength to tell my mates things aren't so good.
Positive: I'm trying to get my eating back to normal so it's understandable. I need the weight to bbe healthy too
Negative: voices 😕
Positive: I'm distracting myself to get rid of them and most of the time it helps
Positive: I took painkiller and it's a little better
Negative: had a really overwhelming and stressful week
Positive: I can take today easy, and try to de-stress myself
Pos: it's hard to open up, but it will be worth it
Neg: I ate x today
Pos: I'm forcing myself to get my eating issues back on track so I know it's going to be hard. I just gotta keep moving forward, accept the issues but push through them anyway
Neg: the voices are bad today.
Pos: it's understandable after everything bthat happened today. Just got to push through them and use my safety plan
Neg: my kids helpline counselor wasn't able to talk to me when I called and I'm really struggling with this stuff atm
Pos: despite this I'll stay safe and use my other strategies. Luckily my meds are starting to kick in and in calming down
Neg: freaking out about Wednesday. Have so much on. seeing dad in the morning. Telling mum about sexual abuse over lunch. then seeing psychiatrist to change meds in the afternoon.
Pos: I'll get through it. It's all good stuff that's happening and I don't really have to worry about it
Pos: used the extra time I had to sort through what was making me feel that way
