Thanks @Portia_RO . It's so great having my license.

I hope the GP appointment goes well too. Let's see how long that confidence about advocating for myself lasts 😅

The masking is so automatic by now, I don't even try. I'm hoping that if I stopped masking in appointments, then the doctor/psychiatrist would have a better understanding of what I'm going through. Because at the moment my words and the symptoms I'm describing, don't match my smiling appearance. Maybe if that changed, their treatment decisions would change and they would give me some sort of medication that actually helps. But at the same time, I'm scared they would react in a way that would restrict my freedom/independence in some way.

I saw my psychologist this morning. Which is always overwhelming. Because even though we talk about emotional regulation skills, it's so hard for me to actually use them. I feel like it's wrong, I don't deserve the help/feeling better. My psychologist says I need to try and ignore those thoughts and just give these strategies a go. She said you can't just wait for motivation to go to the gym to appear, and it's the same with this. But my head is very loud so I don't know... I'm very tired from trying.

After my psychologist appointment I decided to ring up my psychiatrist's clinic (again) to see if I could get a sooner appointment. My thoughts were really scaring me so I thought I should do something productive to deal with them. I managed to get an appointment in two weeks time. Now, instead of waiting another six weeks until my original appointment date, I only have to wait two. It's such a relief. That's a bearable waiting time. And this receptionist today said she would put me on a cancellation list for if anything sooner came up. I'm so glad I made that phone call because I am not ok and I have a lot to say to my psychiatrist and I don't want to wait 😭😭😭

So the week of that psychiatrist appointment... I have my GP at the start of the week, then later on I have my psychologist and psychiatrist in the same day. Next step is my plan of attack for all those appointments. 😴

I went for a swim after my therapy session today. I'm trying to increase my activity (from almost nothing). And I thought it might be something to help me cope a bit after being so overwhelmed, and I think it did.

Medical Appointments