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I have trouble making friends

I guess I've been lonely, I don't know why no one at my school likes me. I go to a selective all-girls school and it has been hard. Academic pressure was intense as in my old school we had no academic pressure at all. The point is no one likes me, I feel incredibly lonely and sad. I feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong. I have never been able to make one good friend, they are exploitive or fake or something else.

 

I just need to know, how do you make good friends?

Re: I have trouble making friends

Sorry to hear that you have been feeling lonely and sad lately @Pyrotechnic. Feeling lonely is awful as it can be hard to fix sometimes by ourselves. There are strategies that can help though, so its not impossible to fix! It can be hard sometimes to make friends and there are various methods that you could try. ReachOut has actually posted an article that talks about some ways to make friends that you might find to be helpful. Here is a link to it.

 

I think the first thing to do would be to practice some of your conversational skills if you aren't feeling too confident. You could practice with some of your parents or siblings as you might feel more comfortable with them. If you are feeling comfortable I would probably suggest approaching someone at school that you might already know (and like) a bit that is by themselves as you might feel more comfortable talking one-on-one. I think it would be best to talk with them about some of your interests, or their interests, and maybe talk about shared topics like school, or some of the upcoming events. I think different situations might need to be approached differently so reading up about some different tips would be helpful Heart

Re: I have trouble making friends

I don't exactly have a solution for this, but I was just lucky enough to have found people who are just like me. I struggled in highschool to make friends and to this very day still do. Everyone is just so different (not in a bad way that is).

Re: I have trouble making friends

Hey @Pyrotechnic,

Have you just started at this new school? It's fairly common to struggle to make friends initially, especially if the environment is different from the one you're used to. What are some things that you've tried so far to make friends?
Making good friends is actually a lot harder than people make it seem, and it takes a lot of time for most people, so don't feel discouraged just yet. @Sophia-RO raised some good points about practising conversational skills, so definitely read through her tips!
Something that helped me in school was offering to help others understand topics they were struggling with. It can be a good way to start a conversation with someone new, which could lead to conversations about non-school related things, potentially a friendship!

Re: I have trouble making friends

Hey @Pyrotechnic I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm also someone who has a lot of trouble making friends, so I can understand what you're experiencing. Could you reach out to the school councillor about your concerns? They would keep everything you say to them confidential, and they would provide you a safe space to talk. Since my social anxiety makes it difficult for me to make friends, my psychologist also gave me a tip on how to talk to people - if they ask you a question, ask them that question back. That way, they can kinda initiate the conversation, and you can just listen Smiley Wink

 

And hey, I also went to a selective high school after attending a primary school with no academic pressure, so ik the transition can be tough to go through. Again, your school councillor will be there for you if you're feeling overwhelmed by your studies, if you feel like you need to reach out to someone about it.

Re: I have trouble making friends

Hey @Pyrotechnic hope your day is going well! 

Everyone has given some really great advise so I just wanted to add a little bit from my experience. I'm in university now but during high school I felt very alone and didn't connect with anyone. After I left high school was when I formed really close connections with people. While at Uni I met a ton of new people doing the same courses as me and had the same interest. School is a really weird place where a whole lot of people with very different interests and view are all kinda shoved together and everyone is trying to fit in.

In reality I don't think you are doing anything wrong, school isn't necessary where you find your tribe, just keep that in mind.

I know it seems hard now but take it from someone whos been there, it does get better and you will find your people Heart 

Re: I have trouble making friends

school can be tough especially if this is high school. I remember feeling the exact same way when i transitioned into a new school (i went from a small public school where everyone knew each other to some expensive private school with tons of kids) and it was so bad that i was ditching class for like 2 weeks and then my mum finally confronted me and in just broke down in tears.

 

i think school environment is hard because ur given these people and u don't have the freedom like u do in uni to go and select ur friend group (which is often built around a common interest/hobby). so when u say people around u r fake etc. they're probably going through their own insecurities and family dramas and i totally get why u wouldnt want to surround urself with toxic/negative energy. i know some kids from my school (myself included) that never felt fully fit in, but i just hung out with ppl out of convenience. so it's ok to drift a little as u find out what ur own interests are and please don't let friendships in high school define u

 

as to making friends. I would suggest you look to clubs, sports clubs, drama schools, holiday programs outside of school to find a different group of kids. I think it's important to find a place u do belong in or a community (whether it be through volunteering or even casual work on the weekends) because people at school can be not the best, but what u can control is who else u try to seek Smiley Happy

Re: I have trouble making friends

Hey @Pyrotechnic 

I understand what it feels like to be in a new environment and feel like everyone doesn't like you. Sometimes it feels that everyone already has their own 'clicks' and that you can't make friends or join in on their fun, and it gets really tough. But there will always be people who are there, welcoming you with open arms!

 

I found the best way to make friends (as cheesy as it sounds) is to be yourself! I like what @Sophia-RO said in practicing and developing your conversational skills! I've done this before, even just rehearsing 'scripts' to myself in the mirror gave me some confidence in being able to talk to some people.

 

I remember in year 7, all my friends who I had known from primary school left for the school camp but I didn't go, so I didn't have any friends to hang out with for a while. But there was this one girl in my class who stayed and I thought to myself 'may as well try my best and give it a shot' and I started talking to her. I found out we had a lot in common, and 6 years later, she is still my best friend. 

 

It's not about you doing 'something wrong' because you're not - sometimes you just need a little boost and all of us here are willing to help you with that Smiley Happy you are very strong and you can get through these feelings of loneliness, and you'll be able to make friends soon!

Re: I have trouble making friends

Hi @Pyrotechnic, I'm sorry to hear that you are lonely. Having pressure and feeling lonely at the same time is awful.
Actually, I think making a good friend is difficult. It's hard to find someone who is willing to support and understand you, and having similar interests with you. For me, I felt lonely for quite a long time after I went to university because I got some troubles with my best friend at high school and I could not find someone who can understand me in uni. But now, a girl that I knew just suddenly became my best friend (I had never expect we will become best friend).
If you want to find a good friend, I suggest you to increase your social circle, trying something new that you haven't tried before (painting for example), and then you can meet more people through these activities. You can search for a good friend while enlarging your social circle (meanwhile, these people can also support you if something happens). Friends might be changed as you go to next life stage and a best friend might suddenly appears as you going through some events, so I think be patient and keep meeting new people can help you can a good friend.

Re: I have trouble making friends

Hi @Pyrotechnic!
I'm sorry that you're dealing with loneliness right now. Smiley Sad It can be tough to make new friends. I can relate as I'm an introverted person and find it hard to approach people and ask if they want to hang out. I was also bullied a lot in school. Good friends can be hard to find. It's sad that you've been taken advantage of in the past. Smiley Sad
If you don't mind me asking, what makes you feel as though no one likes you?