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I have trouble making friends

I guess I've been lonely, I don't know why no one at my school likes me. I go to a selective all-girls school and it has been hard. Academic pressure was intense as in my old school we had no academic pressure at all. The point is no one likes me, I feel incredibly lonely and sad. I feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong. I have never been able to make one good friend, they are exploitive or fake or something else.

 

I just need to know, how do you make good friends?

Edit: Some girls asked me to sit with them and I'm starting to feel a lot better now. Thank you to all of you for caring about me 🙂

Pyrotechnic
PyrotechnicPosted 01-10-2020 07:18 PM

Comments

 
Bella2
Bella2Posted 13-10-2020 11:44 AM

hey @Pyrotechnic this is definitely a hard topic, I struggle with it as well. the one thing I am sure about is it isn't you nor will it ever be. Finding the right friends are hard but try starting small, try finding one friend at a time and there is no need to rush the friendship and dive in head first. Once you get comfortable with one person then slowly start to get closer to them maybe meet their friends. remember it is okay to back away it isn't your fault. try saying hi to at least one person. the biggest tasks are always completed by taking the smallest steps. hope this helps all the best. 

 
jamijam
jamijamPosted 12-10-2020 08:22 PM
Hi @Pyrotechnic, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling lonely. It's hard when we feel like there's no one we can connect to 😞 I completely understand how you feel as I also struggle with making friends as I'm rather shy and have bad social anxiety at times.
The best advice I can give is to just be yourself and those who are meant to be your friends will naturally warm to you. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, there will always be someone who is more than happy to be your friend! You just got to sort through the bad ones and find the good ones!
Stay positive, you'll get there!!
 
clarii3105
clarii3105Posted 12-10-2020 11:42 AM

Hi @Pyrotechnic! sorry to hear you're feeling lonely, but know that you're not alone - I felt the exact same way in highschool! I also went to a high-achieving all-girls school and man, it was hard to make real, reliable friends. I don't know whether this is particularly a problem in all-girls schools, but it felt like everyone was always stabbing each other in the back and gossiping so it was hard to know who really was there for you.

 

My advice would be to try to look to out-of-school activities to make friends - I found volunteering is an especially good way, because you already have something in common: you both care about an important issue! Regarding making friends within school, it's tough but I found that asking people who I talked to/sat near in my classes if they wanted to study together was a good way of getting friendly with people. It feels less scary than out-of-the-blue asking something like 'hey [insert name of girl in biology class], would you like to hang after school?'. Asking to study together is especially good if your school is academic and people are usually down to get work done, and you'll most likely find that from there they'll be keen to hang out with you outside of a study setting too. Honestly though, at the end of the day, don't forget that highschool is only temporary and almost everyone I know has found it waaaaayyy easier to make solid friends once they'd left school and gone to uni etc. Rather than only having like 100 people in your grade to make friends with, you have thousands of people you can interact with and so many ways to find people who have similar interests to you. Take care Heart

 
WheresMySquishy
WheresMySquishyPosted 05-10-2020 08:49 PM

Hi @Pyrotechnic!
I'm sorry that you're dealing with loneliness right now. 😞 It can be tough to make new friends. I can relate as I'm an introverted person and find it hard to approach people and ask if they want to hang out. I was also bullied a lot in school. Good friends can be hard to find. It's sad that you've been taken advantage of in the past. 😞
If you don't mind me asking, what makes you feel as though no one likes you?

 
 
Pyrotechnic
PyrotechnicPosted 17-10-2020 08:24 PM

Everyone ignores me, they look at me weird and they act condescending towards me. It makes me feel insecure I guess.

 
 
 
Macaria
MacariaPosted 18-10-2020 10:13 PM
Hi @Pyrotechnic,
I'm sorry with how you feel. Do you have anyone to talk about how you feel? like you family member or school counselling. I think having someone to help your to work through your experience can help you find solutions. At least, talking to someone can make you feel supported and less distressed.
 
 
 
Sophia-RO
Sophia-ROPosted 18-10-2020 02:33 PM
Sorry to hear that you feel that way @Pyrotechnic. I understand how those experiences can make you feel insecure and uncomfortable as it is never nice when people act condescendingly towards us. Do you have anyone that you can talk to about how you feel when this happens?
 
Macaria
MacariaPosted 04-10-2020 08:30 PM
Hi @Pyrotechnic, I'm sorry to hear that you are lonely. Having pressure and feeling lonely at the same time is awful.
Actually, I think making a good friend is difficult. It's hard to find someone who is willing to support and understand you, and having similar interests with you. For me, I felt lonely for quite a long time after I went to university because I got some troubles with my best friend at high school and I could not find someone who can understand me in uni. But now, a girl that I knew just suddenly became my best friend (I had never expect we will become best friend).
If you want to find a good friend, I suggest you to increase your social circle, trying something new that you haven't tried before (painting for example), and then you can meet more people through these activities. You can search for a good friend while enlarging your social circle (meanwhile, these people can also support you if something happens). Friends might be changed as you go to next life stage and a best friend might suddenly appears as you going through some events, so I think be patient and keep meeting new people can help you can a good friend.
 
sunnygirl606
sunnygirl606Posted 04-10-2020 12:48 PM

Hey @Pyrotechnic 

I understand what it feels like to be in a new environment and feel like everyone doesn't like you. Sometimes it feels that everyone already has their own 'clicks' and that you can't make friends or join in on their fun, and it gets really tough. But there will always be people who are there, welcoming you with open arms!

 

I found the best way to make friends (as cheesy as it sounds) is to be yourself! I like what @Sophia-RO said in practicing and developing your conversational skills! I've done this before, even just rehearsing 'scripts' to myself in the mirror gave me some confidence in being able to talk to some people.

 

I remember in year 7, all my friends who I had known from primary school left for the school camp but I didn't go, so I didn't have any friends to hang out with for a while. But there was this one girl in my class who stayed and I thought to myself 'may as well try my best and give it a shot' and I started talking to her. I found out we had a lot in common, and 6 years later, she is still my best friend. 

 

It's not about you doing 'something wrong' because you're not - sometimes you just need a little boost and all of us here are willing to help you with that Smiley Happy you are very strong and you can get through these feelings of loneliness, and you'll be able to make friends soon!

 
wanderingwasp
wanderingwaspPosted 02-10-2020 05:55 PM

school can be tough especially if this is high school. I remember feeling the exact same way when i transitioned into a new school (i went from a small public school where everyone knew each other to some expensive private school with tons of kids) and it was so bad that i was ditching class for like 2 weeks and then my mum finally confronted me and in just broke down in tears.

 

i think school environment is hard because ur given these people and u don't have the freedom like u do in uni to go and select ur friend group (which is often built around a common interest/hobby). so when u say people around u r fake etc. they're probably going through their own insecurities and family dramas and i totally get why u wouldnt want to surround urself with toxic/negative energy. i know some kids from my school (myself included) that never felt fully fit in, but i just hung out with ppl out of convenience. so it's ok to drift a little as u find out what ur own interests are and please don't let friendships in high school define u

 

as to making friends. I would suggest you look to clubs, sports clubs, drama schools, holiday programs outside of school to find a different group of kids. I think it's important to find a place u do belong in or a community (whether it be through volunteering or even casual work on the weekends) because people at school can be not the best, but what u can control is who else u try to seek 🙂

 
Emlo
EmloPosted 02-10-2020 01:28 PM

Hey @Pyrotechnic hope your day is going well! 

Everyone has given some really great advise so I just wanted to add a little bit from my experience. I'm in university now but during high school I felt very alone and didn't connect with anyone. After I left high school was when I formed really close connections with people. While at Uni I met a ton of new people doing the same courses as me and had the same interest. School is a really weird place where a whole lot of people with very different interests and view are all kinda shoved together and everyone is trying to fit in.

In reality I don't think you are doing anything wrong, school isn't necessary where you find your tribe, just keep that in mind.

I know it seems hard now but take it from someone whos been there, it does get better and you will find your people Heart 

 
featuringme
featuringmePosted 02-10-2020 10:02 AM

Hey @Pyrotechnic I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm also someone who has a lot of trouble making friends, so I can understand what you're experiencing. Could you reach out to the school councillor about your concerns? They would keep everything you say to them confidential, and they would provide you a safe space to talk. Since my social anxiety makes it difficult for me to make friends, my psychologist also gave me a tip on how to talk to people - if they ask you a question, ask them that question back. That way, they can kinda initiate the conversation, and you can just listen Smiley Wink

 

And hey, I also went to a selective high school after attending a primary school with no academic pressure, so ik the transition can be tough to go through. Again, your school councillor will be there for you if you're feeling overwhelmed by your studies, if you feel like you need to reach out to someone about it.

 
katurian
katurianPosted 02-10-2020 09:21 AM
Hey @Pyrotechnic,

Have you just started at this new school? It's fairly common to struggle to make friends initially, especially if the environment is different from the one you're used to. What are some things that you've tried so far to make friends?
Making good friends is actually a lot harder than people make it seem, and it takes a lot of time for most people, so don't feel discouraged just yet. @Sophia-RO raised some good points about practising conversational skills, so definitely read through her tips!
Something that helped me in school was offering to help others understand topics they were struggling with. It can be a good way to start a conversation with someone new, which could lead to conversations about non-school related things, potentially a friendship!
 
hunginc
hungincPosted 02-10-2020 09:00 AM

I don't exactly have a solution for this, but I was just lucky enough to have found people who are just like me. I struggled in highschool to make friends and to this very day still do. Everyone is just so different (not in a bad way that is).

 
Sophia-RO
Sophia-ROPosted 01-10-2020 09:23 PM

Sorry to hear that you have been feeling lonely and sad lately @Pyrotechnic. Feeling lonely is awful as it can be hard to fix sometimes by ourselves. There are strategies that can help though, so its not impossible to fix! It can be hard sometimes to make friends and there are various methods that you could try. ReachOut has actually posted an article that talks about some ways to make friends that you might find to be helpful. Here is a link to it.

 

I think the first thing to do would be to practice some of your conversational skills if you aren't feeling too confident. You could practice with some of your parents or siblings as you might feel more comfortable with them. If you are feeling comfortable I would probably suggest approaching someone at school that you might already know (and like) a bit that is by themselves as you might feel more comfortable talking one-on-one. I think it would be best to talk with them about some of your interests, or their interests, and maybe talk about shared topics like school, or some of the upcoming events. I think different situations might need to be approached differently so reading up about some different tips would be helpful Heart

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