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TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying.

Okay, I admit it. I really feel sad and alone and empty.

But it’s not my fault. 

 

My friends have decided to not be my friend anymore. We will call them Baja and Liv. These 2 girls are seperate, because they have different friend groups. So first, I get a text message from Baja, saying “do you see me complaining about stress?” and “I do a lot more than you, and I have more siblings”. 

 

First of all, that’s a lie. I don’t complain about things. I withdraw from everyone, and become depressed, and bottled up inside. But no, that’s not what she thinks. She even started talking behind my back, in an email conversation with about 15 people. She said exactly this:

guess what brad (changed name) I don't care she needs to stop saying that she has "too much stress" and is emotional and has too many siblings to look after and all that I have 5 siblings 1 younger 4 older and guess what I do cheer, dance and school, and I used to do musical theatre so she can get over it.

 

I do more than her, and she has only 1 blood related sibling. The others don’t even live with her. But what she doesn’t realise, is that we may have the same amount of things to do, and she may be busier, but we can be more stressed about them than others. It really hurts, because she thought she could say it behind my back, but I feel numb and empty.

 

Then my second friend, Liv, started sitting away from me in class. We were always together, but she stopped. I thought, maybe she just needs space. So I gave her space. But today, she finally said to me in English, “I’m not your friend anymore”. I was already feeling sick and depressed, but she made it worse. Thankfully she said it at the end of the lesson, but when she said that, she walked out the door, turned around and stared into my eyes. I stared back, and then she left. 

 

I just stood there staring tearily, and then pushed my chair in. I dropped it on my toes in the process. Then my only friend left came over and asked what was wrong. You can guess how the rest goes.

 

my teacher also saw me crying, and asked what happened. She did everything a normal teacher can. She is the best really. But that experience made everything hurt even more. 

 

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I am already depressed, with no one to talk to, and my friends hurting me. I have started drawing things that hurt. I keep drawing bad things, like me being shouted all the bad words of the world. And me self-harming. But it hurts to know that they did that to me. This is why I don’t have the ability to make new friends. I’m giving up very quickly, because they always leave me, physically, or emotionally. 

 

I can’t keep going anymore. I just want to have friends, and keep them for as long as possible. Liv was someone special. But she lost that when she left me. Now I am alone, and wanting to die so bad. I’m just over it. I have no supports at school anymore either, so I feel...

 

I don’t even know anymore. I am safe, but want to hurt myself.

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, thanks for sharing. You are very brave for recognising all of these emotions and sharing them here. I am really sorry to hear about the type of day you have had today. It must be such a heavy weight to carry especially when you are feeling so lonely. Everyone handles things differently but each person's experience of stress is valid. It should not be a competition and so it is horrible to hear that your friend feels that you don't have a reason to be stressed. You have a lot on your plate and it sounds like this made things a lot more difficult for you Smiley Sad You mentioned the teacher talking to you as you were upset.. what was it about this experience that made everything hurt more?

 

What is going to help keep you safe tonight? Heart

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx  That sounds like such a difficult day for you. Smiley Sad I'm sorry that your friends have decided to talk behind your back about you and distance themselves from you. That sounds so hurtful. Smiley Sad

You deserve to be loved and supported. They don't sound like very good friends anyway. I'm sure you'll meet other people who appreciate you for the amazing person you are. You are intelligent, caring, kind and persevering and sound like a great friend. Heart

I hope you get to do some self-care tonight. Heart

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hey @Taylor-RO.
Thank you. It’s the easy part really, but coping is harder.

I agree! But they don’t see that.

Not really no. My teacher helped a bit, especially when my only friend left cane over to me. She hugged me and I cried into her shoulder. My teacher on the other hand, was just as helpful. She said “Aww, Lexi... come here”. She gave me a hug, which helped, but it still hurt, knowing what my friends did. Again. More than once...

I went to youth group, and it was encounter night. Basically worship, but with little activities to help encounter God. And lots of prayer and tears. It was good, because I got to have my special person, Nikki. Name is changed.

I was prayed for by many people, about 5. Which helped, but I still was upset. Nikki prayed for me last, and that’s when I felt safe again. I knew everything was going to be okay. And hopefully now, it will. That is what kept me safe tonight.

Again, I can’t harm myself. At least not intentionally. I may want to, but I just can’t bring myself to do so. But I’m feeling better now.

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

@WheresMySquishy yeah.

I’m kinda used to it though. It still hurts just as much every time, but I’m used to it. This happens ever since prep.

Thank you. That means a lot to me.

I had an emotional time at youth group, but it helped so much.
I have a stay at home day tomorrow. Which should be good.

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx  I'm glad you're feeling better. Heart I hope you have a good day tomorrow. Smiley Happy

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend situation Heart. However I am really happy to hear about how well you are coping with the situation. It's nice that you have support from your school friend and teacher. A few good supports make a world of difference in situations like these. It's important to surround yourself with kind, genuine people who truly want the best for you. You know what we say to toxic/ in-genuine/ non-supportive friends? We say "thank-you, next" Ariana Grande style (not literally though - it's a bit too sassy - but you get my point right? Smiley Happy). 

 

aanamc GIF

 

If you don't mind me asking - is Nikki your friend from school or someone else? Either way, It's awesome that you met with her and did something that made you feel better (i.e., praying/ being prayed for). What are you doing to enjoy yourself this weekend? 

 

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

I don’t know how I feel right now...
I want to cry, but I don’t at the same time. I feel like everything is an effort right now. I just swept and mopped the kitchen floor, but just sitting down is an effort at the moment. I feel like giving up, but I have no good enough reason to. And I don’t feel depressed either, but with everything being an effort, maybe I might be.

I just feel alone. I feel bad about it, because I was feeling less stressed after encounter night at youth group last night. But now I have harder feelings. I keep telling myself to think the opposite, but I can’t. It’s like I feel like a bad friend. All this time, I’ve had a friend there with me. But I still chased after the bad ones. Even though my one friend left was always there. I look back now, and see such horror that I brought on other people, just by chasing after them. I feel so worthless, and have so many feelings that I don’t want.

My heart is broken, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. My mum is always busy with my other siblings, and when she’s not, I don’t get to talk to her. It’s so hard. I just don’t know what to do.

I let everything get out of hand. Now I just want to have no friends, in fear I’ll lose them again. They always leave me, so why make friends again? If I lose the ones I have now, then I will quit making friends ever again. I’ll just study alone, work out alone, work alone, and do whatever else I can alone.

There is nothing more I can do. My feelings are what makes me a bad person. I am a bad person in general. No matter what I do, I fail. I’m going to fail everything at this rate. School, friends, family, and fail at life. I just can’t win with anything.



I am a wreck. I am an idiot for ever thinking that I could be a good person. I have no value or worth.

I never will.

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

@Maddy-RO
Thank you.

Yeah, just a little too sassy... Smiley Tongue

Nikki is actually a chaplain who is fairly old, but not too old.
She has a motherly atmosphere, and always knows what to say and when. I’m thankful for her in my life. She goes to my church, and is a leader for a lot of things. She’s the Children’s ministry coordinator, and is also a youth leader.

It really hurts that she doesn’t come to youth group as often anymore...
Especially when I need her most.

I am working in my assignments, that are all due this week, along with my 2 exams this week too. I did baking with my littlest sister too.

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

I'm so sorry to read that you're feeling so down.  Please don't be so hard on yourself as we've all made or chased some bad friends on our lives.  It's all part of learning and developing.  We all have hurt other people too at some point.  This is ok as we are human Heart.  We try and acknowledge what happened and learn from it.  Sometimes we repeat these mistakes many times but that's ok too and normal!  Every play a video game and keep performing the wrong move until finally you get it? Certainly I have and still do.

 

I am sorry you feel like a bad person.  However, your behaviours indicate otherwise.  You have been such an awesome and supportive member of this community.  I notice the lovely and encouraging messages you send to other users Smiley Happy.  This suggests that you are a good person. 

 

Hope you are doing something nice for yourself and you deserve it.  Here's a sloth moving rather quickly Smiley Happy

 

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