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Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hey @TOM-RO.
Thank you for that cute sloth gif.

I know that I’m only human, which is funny, because I’m not. I am a unicorn. 😅😔
It still hurts that they did this to me, and that I have to deal with it all over again. Baja has had problems with me in the past, but we’ve always come back from it (with me maintaining the relationship). Now I realise how toxic she had become. But Liv on the other hand, I don’t know why she left me. I thought she was someone to keep forever. Like my real friends. Even then, all good things come to an end anyway.

Yup, I do that all the time. I keep falling from high places in my video game, and forget where to use my grappling hook and rocket boots...

Thank you for the compliment. I haven’t been doing anything to help me, but that’s because my assignments are piling up, and due this Friday. Plus an exam on Wednesday, and then another on Monday.

*Sigh*

Can I just give up? Can I just let go? This isn’t good for me, but I don’t want to know.
Let me just stop trying. Let me just stop fighting. I don’t want your good advice or reasons why I’m alright.

I am safe, but that’s how I’m feeling, and probably gonna be that way for the rest of the year and next.
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Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Heya @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

It's not nice to hear of the day you had yesterday. It's totally normal to feel as devastated as you feel when friendships breakdown. I can tell that you are a loyal person who values friendship, which would have made this even harder for you. Unfortunately group dynamics and toxic people can impact other peoples choices - which doesn't make it any easier for you to lose a friend but it does mean that it has nothing to do with you as a person. I know it's a challenge but show yourself some kindness - what would you say to comfort a friend if they were going through what you are? Heart 

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hey @Bre-RO.

Thank you for listing those, but what I've been drawing lately has been saying otherwise. I just can't stop listening to the demons in my head, and they're nothing like random voices. Basically it's me, saying all the bad stuff I think of myself, and saying what I thought when I was depressed. I still want to die, but I couldn't get anywhere close to making myself.

Which is good, I guess, but I still picture it, and everything else like that. Even purposely not eating before exercise, lowering my blood sugar, and passing out in front of the people I love, and ending up in a coma. That's what I think of, and I hope it doesn't becme a reality.

I don't know why I think like this, but it hurts more than self-harming. I think...

I don't really know what I would say to someone going through this sort of thing. I'd probably be like "I'll be your friend. I have been through this a lot too, and I think we can be great friends. It may hurt, but I will be here for you. You may have had no one before, but you have me now. Everything will be okay".

I still don't see that happening to me though. I don't know anyone in real life that has been through this, and would be my friend. Any of my other friends are seniors, and will graduate soon. Smiley Sad

I can't be kind to myself. I have no time to be kind to myself. I just need to keep going on with life without supports. I just don't have the power to be kind to myself anymore. All I feel is self hate. lots of it.

Smiley Sad

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx,

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with negative self talk recently. It's always incredibly difficult to hear mean and cruel things said about you, but it can often feel even more painful when you are saying it to yourself. I'm even more sorry to hear that you've been struggling with thoughts of suicide Heart 

 

I am really glad to hear that you haven't hurt yourself. Sometimes, thoughts of hurting ourselves or worse can jump into our brains. This can even happen when we don't actually want to do it. As strange as it sounds, having the brief thought that you want to die is actually pretty normal, and not something that makes you weird to think about. However, if these thoughts are making you feel uncomfortable it's important that you get help to address them. 

I think I remember you mentioning that you are religious so I was wondering if there was anything that makes you feel in touch with your spirituality that helps you through difficult times like this? Sometimes people find it calming to pray or seek guidance on an issue, or even turning to a specific passage that helps them focus on how to best overcome their issue Heart

 

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx  I'm so sorry you're struggling with intrusive thoughts and thinking bad things about yourself. Smiley Sad

I don't have much to add but I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad you're safe and how much I appreciate you. I think you've helped so many ReachOut members and achieved so much. You are so caring, empathetic and talented. Just remember that you don't have to act on or believe these thoughts. I know it's hard because sometimes, we can be our own worst critic. Heart

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Thank you, Both of you. I'm sorry I haven't been on much, but I have more time now, as my assignments and exams have been completed.

Thank you, and I appreciate your replies, but I don't think I will reply to them. I'm feeling much better now, after the stress and assignments are gone, but I still feel low.

It was R U OK? Day today, and it made me feel even worse. It discussed all the signs during my Pathways lesson, and it made me realise that I do some of the things described. And to make things worse, I had a headache in the last period of the day. Headaches/migraines are a sign that something's wrong.

My parents have been pretty mean to me lately, and I feel as though I'm being compared to my younger sister. She is getting a Diamond GPA Award, and I never got anything close to a Sapphire one. Sapphire is lower than the Diamond. I feel so worthless, useless, like a complete mistake, and not worth anything.

The only good thing about today was that Baja wasn't avoiding me to be mean. She was avoiding me, so that we could have some calm down space. I thought she was being mean, but she wasn't. That made me feel better, because I had no one in science to be with.

At least today is over, and I can get rested for tomorrow.
We rescued 6 baby ducklings yesterday, and we got them all out of the pond they were trapped in, but only 4 of them got away with the parents. one of the left over 2, was eaten by a dog across the road, and the other we have here with us. I'll post a pic later, but it's soooo adorable! It even snuggled into us for a little bit, even though we're trying not to handle it.

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx,

 

No need to apologise at all about taking some space to focus on school work Smiley Happy It sounds like a really busy time in the term and recognising when you need to take time to step back and focus on other things like school work is really important. Good on you for making that call!

 

Between school, friends and family it sounds like there are a few things on your mind. You have mentioned that headaches and migraines are an early warning sign for you when there are things you may need to address. It is great that you recognise that and are listening to what your body is telling you Heart Do you have anyone you can talk this through with?

 

Just letting you know that I have edited your friend's name out and just put their initial to protect their anonymity too Smiley Happy I would love to see pictures of the ducks- hope you can enjoy the time with them, animals can be really healing when we are feeling stress

__________

Check out our community activities calendar for October 2019 here

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hey @Jess1-RO. I’m sorry that I couldn’t reply sooner.
I had a reply all typed out ages ago, but then it randomly disappeared. My iPad is really weird.

Thanks.

Migraines/headaches aren’t really a warning sign for me, but it’s a proven sign in many others. And especially after learning about it on R U OK day made me a little worried. But I’m feeling better now...

No, I don’t have anyone, but this is because my supports don’t have time for me. I have amazing friends at school, but my guidance officer and chaplain are much too busy to see me.

Just letting you know that I actually changed the name of Baja already, as I know about anonymity. I’ve just changed it back just now.

The baby duckling died on the Wednesday last week. My sister gave a bloodcurdling scream, and it scarred me. But I’m okay now. She has never seen a dead animal before, and we were trying to care for it. It was sad to see it dead, but it was all the trauma it had gone through that killed it. No one was home to cuddle it either. That’s what killed it mainly. My mum was out all day, and the rest of us had school, so no one could look after it. But we’re over it now.


I don’t know why, but I just don’t feel safe in my own house. My parents have been yelling at my siblings and I, and I still feel compared to my sister. School has also been a problem, because people have been writing on the desks, saying that I should just die. I hate it. My drawings are my way of self harm, and I don’t draw very often anymore.

My last drawing I did, was the one that I decided to finally show to my youth leaders. I just didn’t want to hold it in anymore. I explained to them how I thought of it as harmful, and what had been going on lately. I even said how I wanted to die, but couldn’t come close to physically hurting myself anyway. My leader, I believe, went and told the youth pastor. Then I think the youth pastor went and told my mum today, as we go to the same church. My mum hasn’t had a conversation about it with me yet, and I don’t know if she actually did get talked to about it, but whatever is going to come up, is not going to be fun.

I am safe, and I always will be. I just don’t feel okay being at home or school. My church and youth group is the only place I feel okay. It’s sad and hurtful that I feel this way about my family and school. My church family is the only one who really cares about me...

*Sigh*

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

Thanks for the update Heart. There's no need to apologise about not responding sooner. We understand that life can get busy. We don't ever want you to feel pressured to respond and we prefer if you respond when it suits you Heart. This is your safe space where no such thing as pressure exists Smiley Happy

 

I'm so sorry to hear about the duckling. That must have been so upsetting Smiley Sad. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling okay with it all now though. 

 

It's unfortunate that you're feeling unsafe at home and school, especially because these are the exact places you should feel safe. At least you feel better with your church family. 

 

Do you know who has been writing such horrible things on the school desk? Is this something you have spoken to your teacher / year-level coordinator about?

 

Also, I have just sent you an email, so please look out for it Smiley Happy

 

Also, thank you for following the guidelines and confirming your safety Heart

Re: TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

Hey @Maddy-RO.

Yeah, I know. It just annoys me that my iPad deleted my message I was going to post before I could actually post it...

Yeah, the duckling is in a better place now.

I know. It really hurts to know that my parents are yelling at me and my siblings, and I hate it when I get grounded for a very minor reason. But at least I have a mother-like leader, and youth leaders who go to the same church as me. They are wonderful, even if I don’t get to see them as often as I need.

No, I don’t know who’s been writing these words, and I hate seeing them there. I did report it, but no one has done anything about it. I hate that everything is happening to me, and yet my parents overlook it. Like everyone else too. 😢

I just replied to it, I hope that explains a bit more.

You’re welcome. I do try my best.