TW: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thanks @Bre-RO, I really appreciate you checking in ❤

I slept in till 1pm today and think my body needed it. Decided to take a break from uni today too and just try to focus on getting some other things done which has helped relieve some stress. 

I'm feeling a little calmer today which is nice. Just really alone but trying not to think about it and keep myself distracted! 

Hey @MB95 just wanted to check in with you, I know the past few days have been rough. It's nice to hear you've been looking after yourself though. Doing little things like cleaning up, showering and writing down your thoughts can have such a huge impact on mood. Hope you're doing okay today  

Thanks @TOM-RO, I appreciate you suggesting it and understanding. One day I do hope to feel comfortable calling them but at the moment it just gives me so much anxiety and guilt so I just try and do my own thing as best I can and pop on here when I just need a chat. RO is my best source of support in terms of online/phone supports, I find everyone on here is just so amazing, understanding and accepting and it's nice. 

My friend is amazing! She truly is the greatest and saved me in more ways than one. We met when we were both living overseas a few years ago and just clicked instantly. I'm so lucky to have her, just SUCKS so much that we live so far away. It's definately not easy. 

If I'm being completely honest I'm just exhausted and couldn't really think of coping strategies to try. But I just did the dishes and had a shower so feeling a little more refreshed which has helped. Now just chilling out in my room with my candle on and thinking I might try write in my journal for a bit just to get some stuff off my chest. Are you up to anything exciting tonight? Although I do realise it's getting late lol 

I hear SO MANY great things about Japan!! I have to say it was never high on my list but since hearing of peoples stories, seeing pics and making a good Japanese friend it's definately jumped the ladder haha I hope you get to visit one day soon!! What's your favourite type of sushi? 

I'm a huge Europe and Canada girl! Although honestly, travelling is my FAVOURITE thing to do so I would go anywhere for an adventure!! Ireland and Scotland are my all time favourites though and I've been to both 😍 I lived in Ireland for a couple years and it was the best two years of my life!!! If you ever get the chance to live overseas DO IT! Best thing I ever did!! 

I know it's stupid but I really don't do well talking to random people @TOM-RO.. not about my personal life anyway. I had to chat to a counselor the other day that I don't know cause my psych was away and it didn't go well. I just don't know how to tell people verbally that I'm not okay. It usually just makes me more upset because I get annoyed at myself that I can't communicate.

My friend that I would normally reach out to lives overseas and the time difference SUCKS. Plus I try really hard not to tell her in the moment of things being bad cause I don't want to worry her when she is so far away. We usually talk it out a bit after though which helps. I'm skyping with her on the weekend 👍

If anyone's up and feels like a random chat I could really do with a distraction. Even if it's just about your day and how you're going or something. Idk, I LOVE talking about travel - so if anyone has a favourite place or place they'd love to visit one day I'd love to hear it. Sorry if it's lame, I just need to try get out of my head cause I really don't wanna end up where I was the other day!! If you don't like travel then feel free to share something about your favourite thing to do with me 🙂 I know there's posts for this sort of thing somewhere but I'm a bit too overwhelmed to try look for them atm and don't want to bring the spirit down in them with how I am atm. Hope that's okay guys.

Thanks @TOM-RO. 

I'm trying but not a whole lot seems to be working at the moment. Just trying to watch some shows on Netflix to try and distract myself for now but just feeling really off. Idk, I want to reach out and talk to someone but I don't have anyone. 

Thanks @Whimer & @JazzInMay ❤

I'm doing okay. Not too great today to be honest but I'm trying really hard to keep my head up and not feel things too much. 

Hey @MB95  haha I'm glad I made enough sense to be understandable! I agree, a lot of my teachers at school did say similar things - that you're less of an individual to teachers/lecturers at uni because there's so many students! But I also had a couple of tutors who were really supportive and wonderful, so I suppose it depends on the person themselves!

Wow! Well done! It is not even slightly pathetic - I think you should be proud of yourself! Those are really great things!! I think sometimes we build up having to do these "big" things in our heads and the little achievements get eclipsed.  I'm glad it feels amazing it's really fantastic! Well done!!!

Hey @MB95 

It's great to hear from you! Sorry that it took me a while to reply as I myself struggle quite a bit with depression and sleep problems so I might not be able to log on to the forums every day.

Great to hear that you are feeling a lot better and that your psychologist has weekly check-ins with you. For me, it helps just to think about that I will be speaking to a mental health professional soon. When I am feeling very bad, I would try to collect my thoughts and formulate a coherent narrative on what happened to me, as I imagine discussing this with my psychologist during our next session. Even though we may not end up discussing it, I guess the fact of knowing that I will receive help is calming for me to some extent.

It's also great to hear that you've been keeping contact with your friends via zoom! I personally found social connections super important, though it might not be helpful in curing my depression, it is definitely helpful in just 'keeping my head above water' as it prevents things from getting worse.

Please let me know how you've been, and I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks @TOM-RO - that's super helpful! 

I'm going to try and put some time aside tomorrow afternoon to try and find a few places I'm interested in! I'm just feeling pretty positive at the moment and wanting to make some friends so know I've gotta just get in and do it! 

And you're not wrong.. faking it till you make it does let out some positive thoughts! It's been working wonders for me today!!! I FINALLY accomplished two things I've been absolutely terrified of for months 😊 I managed to walk to the end of my street AND I managed to go for a run on this quiet little track behind my house!! Double win!! Sorry, I know it's pathetic but I'm on a bit of a high and just so proud of myself for actually doing it!! Feels amazing!! 😊

Hello @MB95, I am really glad to hear that you have been feeling better and more positive lately. There is definitely some truth to the saying "fake it until you make it". I believe it is because when we flood our minds with positive thoughts, we start to slowly stop thinking of the negatives because we are no longer used to them.

It is a great idea that you are interested in volunteering. Volunteering work can be so rewarding for both yourself and the people you are helping. There is also the bonus of making new connections and gaining more experience in fields that you are likely to work in one day. When thinking about volunteering I would suggest thinking more specifically about who you want to work with and what you want to gain experience doing. For example, if you were interested in getting some experience with youth, there is often lots of volunteering opportunities involving peer mentoring that you could do.

I think the best place to start is looking at some volunteering vacancy websites such as Volunteer.com.au and Govolunteer.com.au. Having a look at those websites may also help you get an idea of what you would be interested in.  I hope this has been helpful ! 

You're not wrong @Maddy-RO! I just wish she bloody lived here! Would give anything to have a friend like her close by 😔 

I feel like I've been more on the up the last few days! Had a few hiccups here and there but I'm trying extremely hard to fight my thoughts and just get through whatever comes my way! I probably sound hella positive atm.. I'm not really lol but defs trying to fake it till I make it atm! I've actually been thinking about finding somewhere to volunteer for a while and think it's time I did it. I just feel like I need a purpose and usually find that gives me some sort of meaning.. gonna talk to my psych on Tuesday and see if she has any suggestions but if you guys do then feel free to share! I just feel like I really need to start meeting people. I'm scared shitless and know I won't find it easy but I'm so sick of being so alone so think it's time I tried to step out of my comfort zone.. I just want to find some friends 😔

Thanks @JazzInMay - it made sense and your message just made me smile 😊 I thought it was pretty nice of my lecturer too, I really didn't expect it but my uni is pretty amazing at supporting their students which is nice. My teachers always used to tell me in school that lecturers wouldn't help or care as much, but honestly, they've been so much better than half the teachers I ever had! 😂

Hey @MB95 - I absolutely understand where you're coming from! I know I am lucky to be isolating with my family, but my work is with really young kids and with COVID I only have one client, so I am really missing social interaction with partner, friends and colleagues. Being apart from people we really care about and also feel cared for by (I hope that sentence makes more sense when you read it - it sounds a bit odd to me!) can take a toll, especially with the added stress of COVID.

I don't think it's silly at ALL that you're missing uni, your lecturer and your psych in fact, I think it speaks to the strength of your relationships with them - I think it's lovely your lecturer called to check in on you!

I also think it's wonderful to have a genuine friend who checks in with you regularly - I know it's hard when they're far apart from you. Some of my closest friends are interstate and overseas and I miss them plenty, but we're so lucky to have social media to keep us a little virtually closer.

I hope you are able to feel a little more connected today

Hey @MB95 

It appears you were in better spirits last night, which is lovely to see . It seems like the shock of COVID had just caught up with you, which is understandable.

Your relationship with your best friend overseas sounds really genuine and supportive. It can be hard to find those sort of friends, but when you do it's great. Having just one, genuine friend who you can talk to anything and everything about, without them passing judgment, can make such a positive difference! I'm happy that you have that

Hows your day been so far?

Congrats on becomming a builder @Whimer, and thanks for checking in! 🙂 

I'm definately feeling alot better today compared to what I have been.. just had a bit of a hiccup earlier on. More just a trigger that set me off, but I'm okay. Getting there. 

I think it's awesome you emailed your psych to let them know whats going on for you. The wait time can SUCK! I am pretty lucky (although not exactly sure my psych would see it that way) at the moment as I have a weekly check in with her. Where I live I don't have any supports around and no one except for my best friend overseas knows about my mental health so she always makes sure she leaves an appointment free for me every week, especially during these iso times. It's moreso for my safety atm that it's weekly. We tried dropping back to 2wks a while ago but it didn't end very well. So I kinda get the wait time - I sure as shit can't do it, so I think it's AMAZING you decided to reach out! 

I use social media a bit I guess. My favourite is zooming my best friend overseas though - we've tried to make it a weekly thing since this virus and it definately helps being able to 'hang out' with her for a few hours on the weekends. 

I'm used to not seeing family or friends @TOM-RO as I now live in a different state to them all, so I guess I'm adjusted to that. Just talking to my lecturer made COVID real to me and I guess that's what upset me. Like even if I wanted to fly home and see my family, the choice is now out of my hands. I guess I'm lucky in the way that I'm used to being alone so not seeing them hasn't affected me as much as it might others. Was just the realisation that normal really isn't a thing at the moment, no matter how hard I try to bury my head in the sand and believe it is. I just didn't realise I actually missed uni classes and my lecturers lol 

Thanks @Maddy-RO ❤

I know it's not just me experiencing the covid blues, so I guess it kind of helps to know everyone is in it together in some way. The isolation stuff hasn't really affected me too much cause I guess I'm used to being on my own here so honestly hadn't noticed it as much as most people but just talking to my lecturer hit a nerve I guess! 

I was completely on my own for just over a month but one of my housemates has just got back so I see her every now and again. Usually there's 4 of us in the house but every one went home cause of the virus, and I missed getting in before the boarders closed lol We don't always see eye to eye but it is nice having her around! 

And I try my best to come into uni everyday now. It was tough ar first but I've noticed it makes a difference getting out so I'll often spend all day here and it's a nice way to see people out and about. It's just annoying that the people I actually want to see, I can't see 🙃 

Hey @MB95 

Aw. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a hard time. Thanks for sharing. We're always here to listen .

I don't think you should feel silly . You are going through a lot at the moment and it is totally okay to be experiencing these emotions.

I think everyone's feelings are exacerbated during this difficult time. Staying isolated is hard, and I also find myself missing social stimulation .  Things are better now that I'm seeing my boyfriend (and his family because he still lives at home). I've found keeping in touch with friends/family and uni/work friends via text message or video conference to be quite helpful. Also, going for daily walks just to get out of the house and walk past and smile at others has been good. Or going to a local cafe to order a take away coffee. I find that those small interactions help.

It must be really hard not having any family or friends here. Do you live with anyone? Or are you seeing absolutely no-one?

Hopefully things go back to normal sooner rather than later.

Hey guys,

I'm feeling a bit stupid and just needing to chat.. I requested an extension for an assignment that's due Monday cause my GP recommended it and my lecturer called me today to check in and make sure I was okay.. 

She is so caring and motherly that as soon as she asked me I just started crying and couldn't help it. I kept telling her I was fine but I just feel stupid cause clearly I'm not. 

I know it's stupid but part of me just wanted to give her a hug? And then I just wanted to see my psych and give her a hug and sit in her office?

I just feel weird. Hearing that she cared just made me feel even more stupid for wanting to end my life. It's hard to explain. 

I've been burrying my head in the sand so much with this virus cause it just overwhelms me too much but I think hearing from my lecturer today brought it all up to the surface cause it kinda hit home that we haven't had classes with her in over a month. I know it's silly but it just really upset me and made me miss normal. I never throught I'd miss uni classes but I really do!!! 

When I was on the phone I also saw the guy who works in my psychs office and it just made me more upset cause I really miss seeing them each week. I don't have any friends or family here so seeing them kinda keeps me going and I didn't realise how much I missed seeing every one in person...

I was feeling a bit more on top of things thismorning but now I just feel sad and lonely. I really just want to go downstairs and see if my psych is here in person just so physically see her but I know it's stupid and I can't. I just really miss seeing friendly faces I guess.. 

Is anyone else having issues with this? I'm assuming every one is! Just wondering how you manage to cope with it? Cause I feel like I'm not going to be able to avoid and ignore this virus much longer 😔

I'm all good, just felt like I needed to connect with someone.

@MB95  You could try a bonsai tree... 

Yeah I grew up with animals but this would be my first pet where I'd be the primary carer now that I live on my own! I think I'm going to stick to plants for now instead @Eden1717. So if you have any cool nice indoor plant ideas feel free to share them 😊

Just trying to find some fun things to keep me busy and distracted that give me responsibilities to get up to in the morning!