TW: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..
So it's probably a real stupid question to ask if anyone's ever felt lonely before because most people have, but I just wanted to see if any of you have some tips on how to deal with it?
Uni has just finished and it's made me realise how alone I am. I have no friends or family where I'm living so mostly spending days at home alone if I'm not at work and it's really starting to get to me.
I just feel really numb and sad and my self-harm/suicidal thoughts are pretty full on at the moment. I'm trying not to listen to them but when there isn't much else going on it's bloody hard!!!
I also saw my psychologist yesterday and tried to ask her if we could do two sessions next week instead of one because it's our last week before holidays and there's a lot I feel like I want to talk to her about. I'm also kind of scared I'm not going to have contact with her for over a month but she didn't seem to like the idea so we just booked one session. I know she didn't mean anything by it and she's busy but for some reason it's really upset me and made me angry and now I don't even want to go next week. I know she didn't mean it, but it just made me feel like she's sick of me and doesn't want to work with me anymore and it's just made me feel even more alone and worthless. Any suggestions on how I can stop feeling like this? Especially towards her because she really is an awesome therapist and it's upsetting me that for some reason I'm angry at her?!?
I also wanted to ask if anyone else experiences anger with loneliness? Like all I want is for someone to care and want to spend time with me, not because it's their job or they have too, but because they want too. And then when no one does I get angry and hate myself (and others) but then when someone does actually show interest and wants to help I also get angry and push them away?!?! Like I can't make sense of it. I want someone to ask me how I am and show they care but then if someone does I try my best to push them away and then get angry when they go? I know it's ridiculous but I really can't help it. Does anyone else ever feel like this or is it just me? Because it sucks and I don't want to seem ungrateful!!!!
Hey @MB95
My name is Whimer (not my real name haha) and I am new builder on RO forum so I might not have read through your entire thread...but I am interested in hearing from you as in how you've been!
I personally have experienced a similar issue with my psychologist. When I had my second session with him he told me that the third session would be in a month. So now I still haven't had my third session, but I've emailed him to let him know that I needed help.
As for the feeling of loneliness, I personally found connecting with friends on social media quite useful as it makes me feel less lonely. It might not work for you though. What do you think might make you feel less lonely?
Hey @MB95,
Firstly, I think it's great to be looking for some support around loneliness. It's a big issue and you're right, it effects everyone at some point.
I think it was great you were able to ask your psych to see her twice, given it was the last week. It shows great initiative and although she initially declined, now you've got another the next week! See, that wouldn't have happened if you didn't ask - go you! And she seems really willing to help you which is great.
Regarding things to do now that Uni is over, I know that can be really hard. I love @Andrea-RO's post on doing some hobbies or joining a group. I know you said you love rock climbing, but are frightened to go alone. I think small steps are key with this. Perhaps you could join the FB group and message the person who posted it. You could ask for the details and say you'll be there. (It's always easier via message). Then, when the day arrives, having said that you would come, can be that extra motivator to get there. Although you will likely still feel scared or even guilty if you don't go, once you make that initial visit, i'm certain it will be so much easier after that! It's just the getting started that's tricky.
The pushing people away when you do finally make the effort to go out etc. is something I definitely get. But for this, I think it's just practice. You can start slow. Small chit chat at the beginning, then ask how they are. They will likely ask how you are and maybe you can just say that you're actually not 100%. Maybe that's enough for that day and when you meet again, you could go into it a little more if you feel comfortable. It is highly likely you'll actually feel better after it because i'm sure they'll be supportive and also because sharing a problem is a problem halved. It takes some weight off you and over the break when your psych isn't around, still having someone (even just to listen) can be very effective.
When I feel lonely, I like to do something a little productive. So maybe clean the bathroom or my room, or re-arrange the furniture or get rid of clothes that don't fit. Because I can do that on my own, but my mind is still busy and distracted (plus its productive!). You could always volunteer at a salvation army or Vinnies store (assuming you have those near you) - they are always in need of people and especially at this time of year.
I also have dogs which are a massive go-to for me so I don't really experience loneliness much anymore. You could always suggest minding a pet if some friends are going away or they need a break (assuming they have a pet).
Making a bucket list is another good thing. Like it could be really tiny stuff like finding out more about the spinal cord if that's something that interests you (that's just a random topic 😛 ). I can find myself researching for hours and it's not a chore because it's interesting. And then you can start ticking it off over the holidays.
I would also recommend having a list of those helplines and services in case you are getting a bit down. It can be hard to have a long break between psych appointments but they can be handy in the interim - even if they just listen. Coming on here is also great.
One thing that could be something you do, is to have a mini diary for the time between your psych appointments. Just write one or two sentences each night about significant things or feelings you had that day and then when you see them next, you won't forget (I do all the time! haha) when they ask about your break.
Hope some of that helps, even if it just gets you thinking. Not all things will work for everybody, but just experiment a little and don't forget to have a break! Holidays are meant for rest too!
It sure does @Alison5 and it's such a sucky thing to experience. I personally believe alot of mental health issues initially stem from lonliness because I know we all seek those deep connections (even if we don't admit it) so when we don't get it or our thoughts etc get in the way of being able to get it it just triggers a whole lot of other issues. Like it's obviously not the cause of mental illnesses but I feel like it plays a HUGE part in it so it's just nice to know most people on here have experienced it too. God it SUCKS!!!!
I know I've said this to you before, but honestly I find your responses so uplifting and inspiring!! You just have this incredible way of looking at things which I REALLY appreciate you sharing with me all the time!! ❤ I didn't look at the whole asking my psych for 2 sessions thing the same way you did so thanks! I really do hope you look at your own personal situations with the same eyes and positivity! Because I know personally that I am my own worst enemy and am so good at dishing out advice and positives when it's for someone else, but when it's for me it's like I physically can't. So I just hope you do the same for yourself because I think you're amazing! ❤
I am about to head home for the holidays (on Tuesday) so have decided that when I come back I will message the group because I'll have a bit of time before uni starts and I know that I need to start engaging with the community because I really don't want to go through another year of lonliness because this SUCKS. At the moment the only people I really connect with are my two psychs and the guy that works in the office there. I do try and do stuff with two girls from uni but we're not super close so it makes it hard sometimes. My aim for next year is to just try and find one friend that I can really rely on and connect with on a deeper level that shares the same sort of interests 🤞
Farout your messages leave me speechless! Seriously, you are INCREDIBLE when it comes to advice, sharing similar experiences and motivating me to try new strategies or ways of thinking. I feel like you just get me and I am always excited to read what you have to say. I don't want to bore you with a ridiculously long reply but I am going to take all of what you've suggested on board and give it all a try! I'm feeling pretty off at the moment and @Bre-RO asked me before if I had anything to do today, and after reading your response I now feel like I have a list of things to try out 😊 I'm going to start by sorting my room out and maybe even packing to go home and then I think I'm going to try out that bucketlist idea because I'm feeling pretty upset and scared about not being able to connect with my psych so I need to find things to keep busy so having a list will defs help!! Thanks for that awesome idea!! Also.. it's kind of freaky you mentioned the spinal cord because I have literally been thinking of specialising in mental health with my degree and then my second option at the moment is spinal cord injuries!!! Like I said.. it's like you just get me.
I also LOVE your idea about the mini diary and am 100% going to use this because I have the WORST memory!!! I am even going to use it during my weekly sessions because when my psych asks how my week has been and what I've been up to I can never remember anything. So thanks for sharing that!
I appreciate you jumping in on this post too.. I know you are actively responding on my other one quite a bit at the moment and I'm sorry I dragged you into this one too I just felt like you'd have some great advice as always and am still trying to get my head around how to use this properly. I feel so many different things at once and sometimes I just find it easier to have different posts for the different emotions so I'm not confusing myself or others..
I’m glad some of this had been helpful. And thanks for asking about me too. It is so much easier to give advice and then not take it on yourself, isn’t it! But I’m doing well now and actually that’s majorly due to my family.
I know you mentioned you’re going back home to your family and told @Bre-RO that they don’t know about your struggles. Well this used to be the case for me as well. And I’m also in my 20’s. I know it may seem like there is no point in letting family know because you don’t live with them anymore or because you can’t just visit them whenever you want, but if I can achieve anything right now, I’d love for you to even just re-consider this.
I wonder if there is any particular reason why you haven’t let your family know? Or is there a sibling or particular family member you are/were a little closer to?
Honestly, since my family have known, everything has gotten so much easier. As I said before - a problem shared is a problem halved. My Mum would help find doctors for me to see, do research on medication when I didn’t want to do anything. She’d help look up different sport groups for me to join and honestly, it was that help and little push that’s got me out the other end. Now, this can come from a friend too and I’m glad to hear you are going to try and find someone that you may be able to get a bit closer to next year.
I’ve been very lucky with the support I’ve had from everyone, but obviously there’s different family relationships with people and this might not be an option for you, but if there is someone that you are able to call and they can come over if you’re feeling really down, or someone to vent to, it will make a world of difference.
It will then help with the loneliness too and break this awful cycle.
But just something to think about 😃
And the spinal cord thing was all I could think of haha! I think you mentioned you did anatomy and I do some too so thought it would be fitting haha. (plus that’s literally what I research in my spare time) 😝
Yeah, I do the diary often, although I’ve been heavily relying on calendars in my phone recently and then right before I see my psych, I’ll have a look over the week at the events and it will refresh my memory (just if you can’t be bothered with the sentences). Like I’ll even put in “remind so and so that I’ll be away” or that I should walk my dogs to a different park today Haha. Because I really forget everything!
And I think having the separate posts is good! It can help separate them so it’s more manageable to recurve some tips. And we’ll done on being so proactive on what you’re experiencing too - it’s a great sign of recovery.
Be in touch soon
I'm so glad to hear you are doing well now @Alison5 - the way you write sounds like you are but I also know how easy it can be to hide it from people so I just wanted to check. I truly find your strength and words so inspiring!! In the least creepiest way possible there are a few people on here I wish I could connect with in person and you are definately one of them! Hope that's not creepy.. 🙃😂 Your advice just means alot to me that's all!
I guess I've just never told my family because I don't want them to worry about me. I do have an amazing family really but it's just hard. We are close but not exactly close in that way if that makes any sense? We've never really spoken about emotions much. Like I know they would want to help but there honestly isn't really anything they can do and I feel like it's something I need to overcome on my own. I'm also one of the stronger ones in the family and have had to grow up pretty quickly to help support my parents and siblings through things so I guess I've just become so accustomed to being the supporter and not the one needing the support that I've forgotten how to ask for help? I'm worried they'd blame themselves and I don't want that at all. I don't want them to see me differently or worry about me or not share their issues with me because they are worried about putting pressure on me. I don't know, that's just the basics of it. There's a few other reasons why but I brought them up in session yesterday with my psych and I ended up in tears so am not entirely up for writing them out at the moment. Yesterday bloody exhausted me!
My psych has been trying to encourage me to open up to my parents about what's going on for the whole time I've been seeing her and when I got really bad she told me she'd have to call them to let them know but I guess that's when I freaked and started to hold the full truth from her a bit. I'm definately getting better with it now and she hasn't brought up the idea in months cause she could tell I wasn't going to budge but I have been thinking about it alot lately so was more open to hearing her out yesterday. She was proud of me for not shutting down the idea immediately like I have in the past and we both agreed that shows I'm making progress, even if it is slow. We talked through some things and she has written me a letter I can give to my parents to break the ice and help start the conversation seems they don't live here and I can't bring them into session with me. She wrote it for me in the chance I decide to tell them while I'm at home. I'm not sure if I will because there's more things telling me not too at the moment then there is telling me to, but we'll see what happens. I feel like they are starting to really notice things anyway so I may not have much of a choice. People at work have been commenting to me so if they're noticing then I'm not sure what hope I have hiding it from my family. Usually I'm so good at it!!!! As for being closer to one of them.. does my dog count?! 😂
When you opened up to your family did you find it hard to accept their help? Like I know this will probably sound rediculous but I often want people to help me and to care but then when they do I get really angry and try to push them away. Have you ever experienced this? My psych and I briefly touched on this yesterday but she kind of looked at me as if to say 'you're not helping yourself at all here'. I feel so stupid for feeling like it but I can't help it. I'm very independent and don't like being made to feel incapable. I like to work through things on my own. It's taken me months to accept help from my psych and even now I still have days where I won't accept it. I don't know, I guess I'm just scared about how I'll react when they do try and help. I always end up taking it out on my mum especially and it's totally unfair on her but it's something I really cannot help. I just feel like telling them could make things worse. And at the moment I'm not sure if I'm strong enough. I will tell them eventually but I also want to be at a stage in my recovery where I can tell them that everything is fine and they don't have to worry about me.
On a lighter note, I am so glad you've had such a supportive network around you!! 😊 How long did it take you to open up to your family? Like years? And how did you break it to them?
I don't even remember mentioning anatomy lol But I don't remember alot of things..!! So are you studying then too? If you are, what are you studying if you don't mind me asking?
Might have to try using my calendar a bit too then!! I am about to get a new phone so will set it all up properly from the beginning 😊
Hi,
I really hope you don't mind if I join your thread. Sorry if you do.
I feel lonely too.
Each day feels like a struggle when you have to put on this mask showing that you are alright and hideaway bottled up inner self and emotions. I feel like no one likes me and I am alone.
Thanks @Alison5 ❤
I applied for one role as a tutor for children that need extra support with their homework and studies and also to be a camp leader for this foundation that takes kids with parents with mental illnesses on camps to give them a break away to connect with children in similar situations!
I totally understand about uni! I found it IMPOSSIBLE to stay motivated!!! The only thing I found that helped was physically going and studying at uni. If I didn't go on campus I wouldn't do anything. And this semester is all online again too 😭 Really not looking forward to it!!! I'm considering deferring but also don't want to add another full year to my degree!!
Hi @HelloHi 👋
And welcome to RO! And also to my thread lol Of course I don't mind you joining! That's one thing I love about this community - anyone and everyone is accepted and made to feel comfortable. We are all here to support each other through the tough times and I really hope you're able to find your own personal little support crew amongst the community like I have because it's something truly unique and special to be part of ❤ I'm really sorry to hear you also experience lonliness and feel so alone and as if no one likes you. It SUCKS. And I'd never wish the feelings on my worst enemy! Is this your main reason for joining the forums? To feel less alone? Cause I know it's really helped me!!
Yeah, I just wanted to be able to talk to someone. Or make a friend here.
I am really glad that the ReachOut forums helped you. 🙂
Thank you for your kind words. 🙂
There is absolutely no need to apologise @HelloHi! I know it took me YEARS and I mean YEARS to open up and talk and tell people how I was feeling. And even now, only my psych and my best friend knows. So there is no need to be sorry, it takes time. But I promise you it can really help talking about things. So maybe try using RO as a way to start that? Cause no one knows who you are on here.. not sure about you but I find that so much better!! 😊 Still freaks me out, but it's definately easier to open up and most people in this community have the most amazing advice!!
Have you been on many other threads @HelloHi ? And random question.. do you like to draw? Lol
I am really glad that you did reach out. 🙂
I will try to use RO to talk about things.
It does help to know that no one knows who I am. I feel safe knowing this.
Thank you for your kind words, sharing your experience and advice 🙂
I am not good at drawing, but I would love to join the Alphabetical Pictionary thread like @lost_Space_Explorer5, lol. 🙂
Hey, Hello, Hi; always makes me smile, lol. 🙂
Bloody @Lost_Space_Explorer5 always jumping in and beating me to it! 🤣
But yes, that was my master plan @HelloHi! To get you meeting some cool and friendly people through our thread.. just beware of @Lost_Space_Explorer5, she doesn't quite fit the criteria.. she would be more whacky and silly 😉🤣 (we like to joke btw so please don't ever take what we are saying to eachother seriously cause we tend to pay out on eachother). But I think jumping on the thread and joining in on the fun might be a great way for you to start getting to know some of us!
And of course, feel free to message on here or tag me in any of your forums if you're ever needing someone to chat too! Especially about lonliness, cause I can 200% relate!!
P.S. please don't upstage my creative stick figure master pieces like @Lost_Space_Explorer5 always does! We might have to have you removed from the game otherwise.. lol @Lost_Space_Explorer5 is on thin ice atm.. 🤣🤣
I'm also glad you feel safe on here knowing no one knows you. So feel free to let it all out whenever needed! We've got your back ❤
Are you doing ok? I am really sorry you don't feel okay.
I hope you feel better.
Sending strength, sunshine to brighten your day and good vibes and hugs your way.
May every day be filled with the same joy and happiness you bring to others.
Anyway ahem..
Yup I beat you to it @MB95! Ummm excuse me??? I'm not whacky or silly I don't even know who this MB95 is, she won't leave me alone 😉
Yeah.. I'm on very very thin ice it's crazy.
I think @HelloHi is starting to regret not minding my sense of humour because I am being damn savage.. Honestly just say the word and I can tone it down!
You have a tone down button!?!?!?! SINCE WHEN!?!?!?!! @Lost_Space_Explorer5 🤣🤣🤣
Bloody hell.. I coulda saved myself several headaches! Now ya tell me! 🤣 @Lost_Space_Explorer5
HEY HELLO HI!!! 😄
(I'm so glad it makes you smile and isn't annoying! :p)
I am very silly.. didn'tcha know? 😛
I would love you to join the Alphabetical Pictionary thread!! Yay! I shall tag you in it so you don't get lost 😉 (hehe I know I know, there's a search bar and you won't get lost, I thought this might encourage you to draw something if I tag you!)
