TW: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..
So it's probably a real stupid question to ask if anyone's ever felt lonely before because most people have, but I just wanted to see if any of you have some tips on how to deal with it?
Uni has just finished and it's made me realise how alone I am. I have no friends or family where I'm living so mostly spending days at home alone if I'm not at work and it's really starting to get to me.
I just feel really numb and sad and my self-harm/suicidal thoughts are pretty full on at the moment. I'm trying not to listen to them but when there isn't much else going on it's bloody hard!!!
I also saw my psychologist yesterday and tried to ask her if we could do two sessions next week instead of one because it's our last week before holidays and there's a lot I feel like I want to talk to her about. I'm also kind of scared I'm not going to have contact with her for over a month but she didn't seem to like the idea so we just booked one session. I know she didn't mean anything by it and she's busy but for some reason it's really upset me and made me angry and now I don't even want to go next week. I know she didn't mean it, but it just made me feel like she's sick of me and doesn't want to work with me anymore and it's just made me feel even more alone and worthless. Any suggestions on how I can stop feeling like this? Especially towards her because she really is an awesome therapist and it's upsetting me that for some reason I'm angry at her?!?
I also wanted to ask if anyone else experiences anger with loneliness? Like all I want is for someone to care and want to spend time with me, not because it's their job or they have too, but because they want too. And then when no one does I get angry and hate myself (and others) but then when someone does actually show interest and wants to help I also get angry and push them away?!?! Like I can't make sense of it. I want someone to ask me how I am and show they care but then if someone does I try my best to push them away and then get angry when they go? I know it's ridiculous but I really can't help it. Does anyone else ever feel like this or is it just me? Because it sucks and I don't want to seem ungrateful!!!!
Thank you for your kindness and tagging me!
It's not annoying at all.
How do you draw on RO? Sorry
Thank YOU for your openness to give drawing a go! (hehe, you say thank you so often!!)
You can draw a picture and take a photo, or you can draw on your phone or computer and screenshot then you attach a picture (you have to do this in reply not quick reply)
Look, I will put a picture here as an example:
@MB95! I see what you're doing there with the sneaky 'do you like to draw'? 😛
Psst I think she wants you to join in on the alphabetical pictionary thread @HelloHi (hey hello hi :D)
I'm just going to start off by saying that I hope your sleep is alright because I notice some of your posts are at like 1am in the morning! 😛 (Well that's the time it shows me here in Sydney). So don't forget sleep is important!
But, thank you for checking in with me too, and it's true that i'm doing much better. ❤️
I definitely get the opening up to your family. What @Jess1-RO is spot on and to add to it, I think that it could even be a matter of them actually knowing (or having a pretty good idea) but not putting pressure on you to come forward. They could approach you directly, but they may realise this could be upsetting or confronting especially if you are used to being the one that helps everyone. So I think they sound like they are being pretty respectful, and those messages your Mum have sent are so cute!
I'll provide one perspective you could choose to look at the whole situation with your family (of course take it or leave it, but it helped me to get in touch with mine). I might do dot points to save the whole essays I like to write 😛
- You mentioned you aren't super close but perhaps this is something that could bring you together and be something that helps overcome some of the past family traumas you mentioned.
- You said there wasn't anything much they can do. If you can, try and recognise how helpful some of even the smallest things are - an ear to listen, a contact you (at least) have at 2am when you're down, a shoulder to cry on or even just someone to send a message to make you smile for a moment throughout the day. If you really think about it, I think you'll find those tiny things can actually be life savers and more helpful than originally thought. (well I think so anyway 😃)
- Asking for help can be soooo hard. Maybe try tiny steps first (unrelated things) such as getting your Mum to proof read a Uni assignment or to help wrap a present - anything. Then edge up to the "can I talk to you", "what's your opinion on psychologists" or "Do you have any coping ideas?" etc. etc.
- Them worrying about you. This took me forever to realise (and they'd tell me ALL the time), but they actually worry soooo much more not knowing for sure. If you think about it, without you being even just slightly honest or open, their minds are just left to wonder. For my Mum, that was always her - thinking the worst and worrying i'd never come home again or the police would knock on the door or something. Reassurance goes a long way.
- Them not sharing their issues with you - Tell them outright you want to help and ask how they are. Also recognise that if they don't tell you as much that this could be a great opportunity to focus on yourself. You'll likely recover a little quicker and therefore be able to help them even more later! YOu've got to help yourself before you can help others properly.
I think you should be so proud for opening up to your psych about it and yes, it can be so exhausting but you did it! And crying is honestly a great de-stressor as well so don't see that as a bad thing. Being more open about it and not shutting the idea down is an excellent start.
I think the letter your psych wrote is actually a really thoughtful and good idea. That way you don't have to initiate it either. If you don't mind me asking, is the letter sealed or have you read it?
It could be a good idea to set up a table of pros and cons for giving the letter to your family and you can get some help from us too as there could be things you hadn't thought of!
- Being used to hiding everything is definitely something I can relate to, but having people notice is also a sign that things may be slipping a bit and that's okay. Perhaps you could even talk to someone at work if you get on with them?
- And of course your dog counts! As @Jess1-RO said, they are honestly the best practice and I used to talk to mine every day and they just seem to know don't they!? ❤️
- When I opened up to my family I was actually so desperate. I was on that line of really needing someone to do something now or I don't care, that's it and ending it all.
- It took me ages and a lot of practise with my dog but I just straight up said, can you find me someone to talk to. They also had a big inkling I wasn't doing well and honestly, she was so relieved to have it confirmed and her worries lessened because I was then going to get some help too. So even if you don't go into detail but just let them know you're getting help.
- The pushing people away I still struggle with and it certainly isn't ridiculous! But I think it's something that will get easier over time. If you can just push through the beginning, things get easier for sure. 😃It's like starting an assignment - you put it off and off and thinking about it makes you anxious but once you just start and write that first paragraph, there's just massive relief and it's so much easier after that.
- Feeling incapable is certainly not something to describe asking for help. And is shows you're even more capable if you can actually because it's not an easy thing.
- I get you wanting to wait until after you've recovered more to tell them, but they may feel like they've let you down through those toughest periods. Like they could have done more or noticed more. Idk but that's what my family told me when I had the same concerns.
It probably took me a solid year when I noticed things weren't great and then when things got very bad, it took about 6 weeks to build up the courage and to practice to basically just blurt out that I want to see someone. That was it. The 6 week build up for a 3 second sentence. And that was the extent of it. She knew I wasn't great at talking so just asked if I was okay, let me know she was there for me and helped set up the appointment. We took it slow and the psych helped to progress the relationship more.
I'm studying Health Science and Mastering in Nursing at the moment and hope to get into some more healthcare policy down the track so keen to help people out!
I'm so sorry, that definitely turned into another essay, but oh well haha 😃
Hope your day's been alright today.
Thankyou so much @Alison5 all that advice is amazing and definately the sorts of things I'm needing to hear at the moment as I've been home for two days now and everytime I talk to my parents I just feel so guilty. I guess I've just learnt to be the strong one so have fallen straight back into that role since being home. I feel like I've hidden it well so far but I'm worried cracks will start to show soon because I'm also not great at lying and my mum asked me yesterday what my meds were for.. I just told her they were part of the iron and B12 stuff I'm needing to take atm and she brought it but I felt absolutely terrible lying to her like that!!! I was so angry at myself.
When you say it's so much worse with my parents not knowing for sure because their minds are left to wonder.. my psych has said the EXACT same thing to me!! So that part defs stood out because when she said it to me too, it made me feel even worse for not telling them. Because I really don't want to cause them any pain or worry. Did your mum worry when you did confirm it though? Like mine is already suss and has asked me outright if I'm depressed and I lied and said no. So I'm kind of worried that if I do confirm it she'll just stress even more and ask me a thousand questions and want to help when honestly, I know it sounds harsh, but I kind of don't want their help. I just want them to know and then be left to deal with it on my own? Idk.
I appreciate you comparing asking for help to writing an assignment too because I can totally relate to that with uni.. makes sense I guess.
As for the letter my psych has written, it's not sealed. She wrote it up and sent it to me via email so I could choose to do what I wanted with it. She's been encouraging me for ages to try and tell my parents what's been going on and refuses to go into any of my 'traumas' until I have appropriate supports set up. So I know it's something she is really hoping I'll do, she's not pressuring me but she's made it clear that she wants me to create a support network for myself before we get into the real shit. I haven't been doing too great the past week so I actually emailed the other psych I see seems mine is on holidays now and she also suggested a pros and cons list so I'll probably write one up sometime over the weekend and see where that gets me. So while I'm writing it I'll definately take all of your amazing advice on board!!
I knew you'd be studying something within the health field - you're totally made for helping others!!! 😍
Also, please don't ever apologize for long messages because I love them! And I truly appreciate the time it takes you to write them, so thank you!! ❤
My days are starting to look more positive than they have been thank god! I HATE the shit days when there seems to be nothing you can do to snap out of them. It's been a tough week but I'm getting there so thanks! I hope you've had a lovely day today too and managed to do something nice for yourself!
When I did tell my Mum about the depression and my feelings, she was honestly so relieved. Because then she knew exactly what it was. She could research it (that made her feel helpful and better) and she wasn’t left thinking the worst.
My Mum didn’t really ask questions and I just sort of brought things up to her. So little bits at a time. If she did ask too much I’d just say I didn’t know and I was tired or something. You could always say your working it out with your psych to stop the conversation too.
I definitely get wanting to do it on your own, but you are anyway! You’re the one seeing the psych and taking the meds and that won’t change. They’ll just be some extra support when your psych is away or you’re feeling down and need to call someone. And really, mental illness or not, this is what family is for. If you can think of it that way, it may help to reach out when you need it.
Regarding the letter, I just thought that I’m sure your psych explained how much you care for them and don’t want to make them involved etc. So to give it to them could actually help make boundary’s if/when you do tell them. So they know you’re not wanting a thousand questions when you tell them. You could write it at the end so you don’t have to speak at all.
I remember writing a letter to my Mum when I was having fairly negative thoughts and basically wrote that please don’t ask me questions when you’ve finished reading because it was hard enough to give it to you. To just space questions out a bit and if I don’t want to answer, not to push me. That sort of thing so that it wasn’t too overwhelming at once. I was so proud after I gave it to her and it was a good decision.
You mentioned writing a pros and cons list. How’d that go?
I hope you have a great Christmas and New Year! Take care of yourself and we’re here if you need some help with telling your family 💜😊
Thanks @Andrea-RO ❤
Those suggestions make it sound so damn easy!!! I just wish it was as easy as it is said than done 🙃 I think my parents have got the idea that I want to spend time with them cause mum has been trying to do things with me every single day and dad took us all out fishing on my 2nd day back 😂 It's been nice, but just overwhealming too but I think they are learning to accept that I need my alone time too. That's what makes me think they've picked up on things. Just trying to work the courage to tell them and whether it's the right time..!
@Alison5 I'm not gonna lie, being home has been really difficult with family dynamics atm (long story short my grandad isn't well and is living with us which has caused a few arguments - I had to start another thread for it 😂) so with everything going on I decided now isn't the right time to be talking to my parents because they really don't need the additional stress and worry. BUT I've just been reading back on your comments like I said I would and taking note of all your strategies/advice you've shared with me and you've inspired that part of me that wants to tell them to pop it's head out again! I'm still really unsure but I'm starting to consider it again so thanks 😊 I would just love to be able to go back and tell my psych I did it because I really don't wanna let her down!!!
I have legit screenshot some of your messages where you've given such awesome suggestions so I can reflect on them and hopefully implement them where I need too - I really related to what you wrote to your mum in your letter and think I'm going to do the same sort of thing.
I just don't know how to actually bring up the fact I want to talk to them both alone. And even then, I don't think I can talk. I'm so scared and nervous and kinda don't want to be there for it because I'm worried their reactions may make it worse for me. I've thought of giving them my psychs letter and then one that I write to explain a couple things and then leave them with it while I head out for a bit? Idk, that way they have time to talk it through together and I have time to calm myself down and accept what I've just done? What do you think? I just know I won't be able to look them in the eye or be able to talk to them straight up that's all..
As for writing a pros and cons list I haven't really had much alone time since being home and when I have I've been too exhausted to think. But I'm definately going to write one out before I make any decisions so I'll let you know how it goes!
How was your christmas anyway? I hope you had a lovely relaxing few days ❤
@Eden1717 your point made sense so thankyou! 😊 And I guess it is hard to accept with the stigma. Like I hope this doesn't sound stuck up or judgemental or anything.. but when others have mental illnesses I whole heartedly accept them and understand how real it is and not once would I dare make them feel ashamed about it. But when it comes to me having one, it's like I can't/won't accept it and I'm so embarrassed about it. It's rediculous really, I'll help others but won't admit my illnes to others or open up and seek help. Like I slowly am but only to my psych atm.
Hi @MB95,
I had a nice Christmas and hope you did too, despite being understandably, very exhausted. 😃
I think giving them your psychs letter along with your own is a good idea. And I think if you just slipped it to them and then went out, that would be fine and you don't have to see their immediate reactions and, like you said, they can talk with each other. You can always write on the front of the note that "i'm going out, will be back soon and for just Mum and Dad to read it." Or something like that. Then they know you're alright having left and you will return.
And whilst your psych and everyone here would definitely be proud if you managed to tell your parents, don't feel overwhelmed by any pressure. I know that's easier said than done, but it is up to you what you decide.
I hope you have a great New Year and perhaps letting them know could be a New Years resolution you want to achieve before you have to leave? 😃
Take care
Thanks for replying @Alison5 ❤
I feel like I'm split down the middle at the moment and part of me wants to tell them because it's making me feel so guilty, especially when they ask me things and I have to straight out lie to cover it up. But then the other part of me really doesn't want to burden them and is also so scared because once they know I can't take it back. I'm just really scared for their questions because there's alot I don't want to tell them or know. The thought of them knowing just makes me sick.
I'm trying so hard to get over it and just grow a pair because I know it's probably a good thing to tell them but I just can't get myself past the damn freak out stage!!
It would be a good NYs resolution because I've been saying for the last few years 'this will be the year I'll get help' (tick) and 'this will be the year I tell mum and dad' (yet to tick). So I have been thinking about it as the NY approaches because I don't want to be here trying to achieve the same thing this time next year.. I just wish I wasn't so scared!!!
Also, my grandad is living with us atm and I don't know how to get my parents on their own. I thought about asking them to lunch but also don't think it's fair on them to read the letters in a public place? Cause I know my mum is gonna cry and stress. I do like your idea of just leaving it at home and writing on the envelope but that also scares me because my grandad might see it and start asking questions too 🙃
Sorry.. I'm just freaking out!!
@MB95 that is normal it is always easier to see/accept that others have a problem than it is with yourself. I never had to tell my parents exactly because I never didn’t have mental health problems so they knew because they took me to the dr when I was really little. But they didn’t know I had started self harming and was feeling bad again when I was in high school and I gave my mother a note and ran away and hid in my room it didn’t exactly go well but I don’t think there is ever a good or right time to do it and sometimes it is easier to rip the bandaid and just get it out of the way...
Yeah I get what you mean that there's probs never a right or wrong time @Eden1717. I'm just finding it really hard with everything else that's going on atm, I don't like causing others stress especially if it's about me! I'm also about to go on a weeks holiday with my mum and sister and am scared she's gonna treat me differently in front of my sister.
@MB95 Yeah I get that at the same time though if they are going to treat you differently and it is going to cause them stress then I still don’t think any time is better than another time. There will always be something in the way or something you want to wait until after to tell them so that things change after that but life keeps going and before you know it it has been 6 months and you are still waiting for things to ease up to tell them. I get that it is super hard and not easy to do but I do think that if you are waiting for the reasons you mentioned those will likely never go away enough for it too feel like the right time.....
Hey @Alison5 @Jess1-RO @Bre-RO @Andrea-RO @Eden1717, I'm so sorry to be asking for advice on the first day of the year but I'm a little stuck and stressed. I've finally written a letter to my parents to go with the letter from my psych. Personally, I really don't think I want to tell them but I also really don't want to let my psych down and am sick of feeling guilty when they ask me questions.
I just don't know how to work up the courage to give it to them!!! I'm trying so hard but I just feel sick thinking about it and am getting really worked up over it. I can't eat or sleep and don't know what I should be doing. I understand everyone thinks it's the right thing to do, and part of me agrees, but I just really don't know and can't get myself to do it. I have 3 days left before I leave so any suggestions on how to keep myself calm and let them know would be great.
I had planned to leave the letters with them this afternoon and head off for a walk but I am so exhausted from today and really not up for any discussions that may arise, nor do I have the energy for a walk. Tomorrow we are going for a drive out bush for a bit so I don't really want to ruin the day with it and then Friday my dad is back at work and we're going out for dinner which I also don't want to ruin cause I leave Saturday night.. I don't know, I just feel like everything is telling me not to do it at the moment.
I really am trying 😔
You have definitely given it a lot of thought and I’m just like “WOW!” Because you have already come so far and you’ve tried to work this out.
despite what happens, your psych will be proud of you for getting this far just as we all are here.
The tv and meditation sounds good. Hopefully you sleep a little better tonight.
Let us know how you go or if you’re unsure and whatever happens, know you have done so well already!! 👍🏼😊
Goodnight!
I really love what @Alison5 has mentioned.. @MB95, you have thought of many ways to go about this until you find what feels right for you. I also agree that your psych would know how difficult this has been for you and how far you have come already 
You mention running out of time to tell your parents.. it must be placing a lot of pressure on you which can increase feelings of anxiety and distress. Would you feel comfortable phoning them or sending them a letter/email/text when you are back home? This may feel inappropriate to you given what you plan on telling them.. although some people rely on these options to lessen their anxiety. The reason I suggested this is so that if you feel unable to tell them during your visit, you have a back up plan which may ease the pressure you feel.
Is there anything you think you need while you are still making this decision? You mentioned that it has been raising a lot of anxiety, nervousness, guilt and stress.. it must be challenging to face these feelings everyday. This has been something you have been considering for a while now.. so I imagine it must be difficult to continuously have this situation playing on your mind. Being out at the National Parks and going for a walk sounds like it could be a good opportunity to tell your parents. Some people find it easier to have conversations when they are doing something (e.g sitting in a car, walking, watching a movie) as there can be less focus on eye contact and is less formal. This may apply to you but either way, please keep us updated. We support you in whatever you choose 
Thanks @Taylor-RO, I really am trying so hard and I do hope my psych understands. Like I'm sure she will because she is amazing, but I failed the last time so I just really don't want to let her down again. I HATE letting people down!!!
Running out of time is definately making things worse stress wise. Like today I was so anxious about telling them that I just couldn't do it. The entire 2hr drive home I thought about it non-stop and at one stage had myself geared up and ready to do it but as we got closer and closer to home I managed to completely talk myself out of it. Then it just wasn't the right timing anyway cause my grandad got home and we started organising dinner so I decided to leave it. But now I feel terrible for not doing it because I only have 2 days left. I didn't realise dad is working from home tomorrow and I have to take my grandad to hospital so am hoping to give them the letters in the morning and then bolt outta here for the day 😂
But yes, I've thought about doing it from interstate but I just know it'll cause them more stress because my mum is already really worried about me as it is. So I think it'd make me feel worse. My psych has offered to call them in the past and inform them herself but just with how they are at the moment, I think they need to hear it from me and for me to be close by to prove I'm 'okay'. But it is an option and your message actually reminded me of my psychs offer so thank you. If I can't grow a pair, I think I might take her up on the offer when I'm back..
Honestly, I think I just need some alone time. I shut myself in my room tonight when we got back and was just watching some tv to try get my mind off the whole thing. And just being able to chat to you guys helps. I don't really have anyone other than my psych so am struggling a lot not being able to talk things out with her so I just REALLY appreciate everyones input on here!! ❤
Hi @MB95
I am just catching up on posts! You are an absolute legend, they way you working through what is happening for you and open up to the whole community. You have thanked everyone for their support, but I want to thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable! Understandably this decision is really tough and you are unpacking what it will mean for you, which is so important for your well being. In terms of your psych, they sound really supportive, you deciding to take more time to tell your parents doesn't mean you are letting them down, by the sounds of it you have come so far, and what you feel comfortable with is the most important thing.
Its good to hear that you were able to have some alone time, as it sounds like this has been weighing heavy on your mind and has been exhausting for you. Whether you decided to give the letter today or not, you are doing a fantastic job, and many people here will find strength in your story
Thanks heaps @Claire-RO ❤ I really do value everyones support on here because I'd have completely lost my mind by now otherwise!!
So I have news.. I gave my parents the letter from my psych and the one I wrote to go with it this afternoon. I just woke up this morning really wanting to do my psych proud and had had enough of the guilt and stress about feeling like I was betraying my parents by seeing a psych without them knowing. Annnnd, I was sick of running to you guys every two seconds about such a stupid little thing. I wanted to be able to tell you all that I did it. So I did.
But now I just feel worse. I wasn't home when they read the letters and in mine I asked them to not treat me any differently. So when I got home everything was normal which was good. We went out for dinner and for some reason my grandad drove his own car instead of coming with me so I assumed my parents wanted to talk to me. But nope. They didn't bring it up once so we just sat in silence listening to music for 30min, same on the way home. I don't know. I should be happy they acted normal but I guess I was just assuming them to say something about it?! Like nothing. So I just feel like shit.
Mum just came into my room though and sat talking random shit for a bit before asking how long I've been seeing my psych. She asked a few questions and I tried to answer them but found I was shutting out and not wanting to tell her anything. I could tell she was getting frustrated with me and then she just said she doesn't know what to do or what I want from her and kinda left. So now I just feel even worse. I know she is going to blame herself and I think she's annoyed that I spoke to a psych and not her about things.
I knew it wasn't the right time and that I shouldn't have told them and now I don't know what to do. I just don't want this to come between us and make communicating even harder.
Hey @MB95,
First of all, even if things didn't turn out the way you anticipated, you should be extremely proud of yourself for doing something very brave and overcoming what must have been very difficult.
I can really sympathise with how you're feeling right now. I can imagine that it would have felt very disappointing to put so much energy into hyping yourself up to tell your parents, only for the situation not to go as you planned it to. It can feel like a cruel trick that the world has played on us, to spend so much time worrying about something, only to get no relief once we actually follow through on our plan.
However, I do want to encourage you to try and think of the positives of the situation. While I know this is easier said than done, you have accomplished something really important, even if it doesn't fully feel like that. In the same way that it would have taken you time to process, understand, and adjust to your diagnosis at the start, it might also take some time for your parents to wrap their heads around it. Unfortunately, mental health still carries a lot of incorrect assumptions and so your parents might be focused on the wrong thing (e.g. "What could I have done to prevent this", "why didn't they tell me first", "is it my fault?"). We know that these things aren't true, but it may take them some time to also realise that.
I would also hold off on assuming how your parents feel without them telling you. While you are their child, and you would of course know them very well, in times of high stress we can sometimes wrongly assume how people feel, and then catastrophise about the situation further. No one can really read minds, so it's best to not beat yourself up about how might be feeling about a certain situation.
Regardless of how uncomfortable things are right now in the immediate aftermath of telling your parents about your mental health, it will give them more context for what's happening with you, and give them a better understanding of how you're feeling. That alone will almost always improve communication
Thanks @Andrea-RO. I really appreciate what you said and I think after sleeping on it I have realised that maybe it's just their way of dealing with it and like you said, they need time to understand. Mum was quite upset last night and I could tell she was hurting because we had another chat and she couldn't understand why I went to a psychologist and not her. She thinks it's too much with me going once a week and that I don't need it. Idk. I know it's probably her just trying to understand so I'm trying so hard not to take what she is saying to heart but it's not easy. It just makes me feel even more guilty for telling her. And then today she asked me if I'm on medication (which I am) but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. She asked me completely out of the blue so I was totally unprepared for it and wasn't planning to have that conversation with them for a while because I know it'll really upset them. So I told her I wasn't. And I feel like the worst daughter ever. I wish I could tell her but I just can't. She was relieved when I said no and told me it doesn't work for my grandad so probably wouldn't work anyway. I just agreed with whatever she was saying and changed the topic because it just made me feel like such a terrible person. Usually I'm so honest but this is something I feel like I can't be honest about because I know if they knew the full truth it'd really upset them and I don't want that for them. I don't want them to worry about me or blame themselves like I know they will.
I really am trying not to read into things too much because I know that's what usually gets me in trouble but it's not always as easy as it sounds which I'm sure you know.
I just feel awkward and sad and guilty and angry. Part of me just wants to tell them everything but the other part refuses because I love them so much and they've been through enough. I don't want to hurt them more by telling them their daughter has severe depression (they think I just have anxiety atm) and has attempted ending things and is on meds and shit. I know it'll destroy them.
Sorry, I don't mean to rant. I'm just trying to get my head around it all.
I am sorry that it did not go as you hoped and you are feeling upset about the outcome. Please know that you did your very best and that their response is about what is going on for them.. not something that you have caused. I know you instructed your parents to not 'treat you any differently' in the letters that you wrote. I may be wrong but their current behaviour could be their attempt to keep things feeling 'normal' for you. Everyone has a different perspective and it could be possible that they are unsure of how to go about the situation. Would you feel comfortable talking to them more about what you meant? For e.g "I still want to talk about it with you, I just don't want you to ______" It seems as though your parents may be making some assumptions about your mental health and your experience with a psychologist. The human mind is amazing and seeks to find explanations and solutions for anything. Perhaps you could discuss how beneficial therapy has been and why you chose to see a psychologist? There can be many reasons such as wanting an objective opinion, wanting professional support or wanting to have another support person. If you are finding it difficult to answer your parent's questions, maybe you could let them know that you would prefer to answer it at another time, once you have had time to think. A lot of people can be like this, not everyone can think so quickly on the spot.
You said that your parents mentioned not knowing what to do or what you want from them.. do you know the answer to these questions? Often people are unsure of how to help us and their suggestions are likely to come from their own personal lens of what works best for them. Perhaps you could speak to your parents about what support you need from them? If you are unsure, you can say that. A lot of people just want to be listened to or be confident that when they need support, that person will be there for them
