feeling overwhelmed (suicidal ideation tw)
Hi everyone.
Lately things have been getting on top of me and I've been feeling super overwhelmed. I feel like I'm starting to relapse back into disordered eating and self harm. Most of the time I really want to end my life to make this stop hurting, I just feel so much pain from the moment I wake up in the morning. My only reason I'm still alive is my siblings and not wanting to subject them to that kind of trauma.
I finished my first work placement successfully, but now I have another two week one and even on my first day it's too much. I have to tell my facilitator that I have to leave early on Wednesday because I have to see the mental health team (who basically told my mum that I HAD to see their psych or I'd be considered non compliant and it could affect my nursing registration later). I want to quit or die, I'm so exhausted, I hate this and I need it to stop.
I feel like I have no one anymore, I have so many responsibilities but I don't even feel like a grown up, I feel like a six year old abandoned in this huge body.
I'm already doing all the right things, going to my work placement and counselling appointments, taking my meds, forcing myself to eat meals and trying to get enough sleep...
I feel so alone. I want to ask my friend for help but she's not really talking to me much anymore and I get the feeling that she doesn't love me like she used to. I feel like it would be manipulative to go to her and say, 'I know you don't even want to talk to me right now, but if you don't, I'm probably going to kill myself.'
is that the DBT you were talking about doing?
its ok to not know, we dont always have to have the answers. i dont think your pathetic, not one bit evne if your mind tells you otherwise.
Hi @DruidChild I'm sorry to hear you are feeling sad and trapped. It sounds like it would be a good time to contact eHeadspace or KHS for some support? We're here for you 
Hi, I'm a 20-year-old guy who knows too well what you are talking about. When I was in high school I told some of my friends I was feeling suicidal and they thought it was manipulation.
Needless to say, after that, I had to leave.
Once I lost all my friends it just got worse.
Earlier this year I was hospitalized for trying to end my life, if I told my high school friends this, they would think I'm just looking for attention.
Part of the stigma is that many people believe that notion, "anything less than actually killing yourself is looking for attention".
Hey @CookieDough I'm sorry to hear that your friends haven't been supportive. I agree that there's a lot of stigma around mental illness, especially suicidality. We're here for you Are you feeling safe right now?
Hi, DruidChild, I love your username. I am feeling safe right now. Thank you for asking. Don't worry, I'm going to see the World Cup before I go.
Go Australia!
Hello @CookieDough and welcome
Sorry your having a hard time right now. Im glad to hear your safe though.
Feel free to start your own thread to so we can support you more 🙂
How are you going @CookieDough? If you did start a thread, please feel free to tag me in it so I can chat with you more 🙂
Ugh having a hopeless night tonight for reasons. I wish I was worth loving. Everything about me disgusts myself. I'm safe/okay/whatever else and I'm just gonna listen to a podcast until I can sleep but I feel so goddamn sad.
@DruidChild I understand this feeling totally. It’s such a hard place to be. Do you have any professional supports at the moment?
I'm sorry that you can relate @mrmusic, but thank you. Yep I should see my counsellor tomorrow.
I’m very glad to hear that @DruidChild.
I’ve never met you in real life, but I need to tell you that you are worth loving. You have been such a great support here to so many people. The fact that you’ve been caring for your sick mum is another testament to how much you deserve love, both from others and yourself.
If you’re feeling up to it, I’m going to give you the same task I gave scared01 last night: to list at least three good qualities about yourself. Giving yourself validation takes practice, and it can feel uncomfortable. I find it hard to do myself. But it’s such an important thing to be able to do. Your 1000 positives of DruidChild thread already has some great ideas for you to start looking! It also might be good to start posting regularly in the self compassion and turning negatives into positives threads - I should probably do the same.
I know how hard it is to believe sometimes, but you are such a caring and kind person.
Thank you so much for taking the time to make that post @mrmusic You're obviously a very kind and caring person as well! 🙂
I'm busy rn but I'll come back to your task later on; I can see how it could be helpful.
Hey @scared01 surviving! Idk I have a lot in my head and it's confusing and painful. I'm really hoping nothing happens to postpone my counselling session tomorrow because I really need to talk about stuff tbh.
How are you doing?
Hey @DruidChild
Oh my gosh im sorry i missed here!
I hope your appt wasnt cancelled.
Did you want to talk about anything in the meantime?
Hey @scared01 it's all good! Luckily I was able to see my counsellor today which was helpful. Tonight I'm a bit anxious because it's raining really really heavily and it's making me worry a lot and feel really sad for any cats that are caught outside 😞 But other than that things are okay.
Hey @DruidChildim.glad you were able to see your psych today.
That would be worrying but cats are smart they know where thr hiding spots are in the neighbourhood, some seek shelter on verandahs, under houses, in backyard sheds or under trailors and cars and anywhere they can.
Oh my gosh @DruidChild im so sorry i just reread my post. I feel ive minimised whats upsetting you atm and that wasnt my intention im really sorry DC
No no @scared01 what you said was actually really helpful and I appreciated it! I didn't feel that it was minimising at all! I was just busy making dinner at the time so couldn't reply - it's all good
Oh thats good. I read it and was like geezus that come out wrong! @DruidChild
Haha I understand that feeling but no it was totally fine @scared01 🙂
I have an exam tomorrow @scared01, it's about different musculoskeletal and gastrointestinal disorders.
How about you? 🙂
