stigma and mental health

@Macaria That's such a balanced perspective on things; it's awful that you've been negatively judged before because of your condition, but like you said, we can also try to surround ourselves with people that see and appreciate us for who we are as a whole (I really like what you said about the not being a $100 note! )

@wanderingwasp A lack of awareness/knowledge can be such a big roadblock to feeling understood, or even having that acknowledgement of how things like chronic derealisation and anxiety impacts you. I think it makes sense that you're practical about who to mention it to or not, though I hope that this can be a space where you can always talk about what's been going on 

Aww @MB95 I'm so sorry to hear you had that experience with your friends. That would have been shattering for you. My personal belief is that everyone should have Mental Health First Aid training - like I remember getting taught First Aid at school and I feel like I have needed skills to help my friends with their mental health more often than a physical intervention (whilst that is also very important). 

I've had that experience too and then years later friends came back to say sorry they didn't know how to support as it raised uncomfortable feelings for them, that they weren't able to express at the time. That may or may not be the case with your mates but I wanted to share that because I want you to know that's not a bad reflection on you. I think it has more to do with a lack of widespread knowledge on Mental Health and teaching people the skills to help others. 

Do you mind if I ask more about why you haven't opened up heaps to your fam about it all? I know everyone's family dynamic is different and totally get if that is too personal. 

I couldn't agree more with you @Bre-RO!! I think it's so important people are trained to deal with mental health because sadly the only two people who have ever stuck around are my two best friends who have also experienced their own ill mental health in the past so they can relate.. idk. I just think unless you've been through it yourself, so many people just have absolutely no clue what to say or do. And I know it's not exactly their fault but it can definitely be soul crushing that's for sure. 

Thanks for sharing that with me, I do get it ❤ And as much as it hurts and I was angry and upset at the time for being so vulnerable and having them leave, I don't blame them. I understand it can be alot to hear and witness someone reach the end so I do get it. I just know I'd have acted very differently in that situation, but again that may just be because I've experienced what it's like. Who knows. But I get what you're saying so thanks. They were both great people (I would have never opened up to them otherwise) and I do hope wherever they are that they are doing well for themselves. 

It's okay, I feel pretty supported on here so I don't mind.. but it's moreso that I don't live close to them anymore (I live away for uni) and I don't want to worry them. I feel like they have enough to deal with let alone throwing my shit in on top of it all! I did tell them at the end of last year that I've been seeing a psych and they didn't take it too well.. so I decided to keep the rest to myself. At least for now. I think they are slowly adjusting to the idea though so who knows.. it's kinda funny you ask cause this actually came up in convo with my psych today lol I just SUCK at being open and vulnerable, it's not my thing! I'd much prefer being the listener and support for others than the one needing it if that makes sense? 

Aww @MB95 I see so much of myself in you You are a kind, gentle person and if anyone came to you with a mental health thing, you'd have the right words and the best support. I've seen it numerous times here! That's part of why it hurts so bad, when you finally open up to someone and they don't know what to do. 

For some people, it's almost second nature to be a listener, give support and hold space for people. It has taken me years to learn that I need to be that good friend to myself, otherwise eventually I burn out and spiral. 

I hear you - being vulnerable is scary asf. The more I do it in my personal life (and even here on RO) I realise how much power there is in being open to people. Sometimes people won't know what to say but other times they will. It's a combination of finding the right friends and also reminding yourself that you are so worthy. You deserve all the love that you give out  

Thanks @Sophia-RO ❤

And thanks @Bre-RO ❤ I think what you guys do at RO is absolutely incredible and I know we all really appreciate when the community managers also share bits and pieces of their stories! I know I definately do! It just helps being that bit older on here to hear of experiences from you guys too so thanks!! ❤

@Tay100 I'm good thanks and sorry for the very late reply, haha. I did talk about my diagnosis in one of my online psychology tutes today. So, I guess that's a start? Ha! Not really. I am more comfortable talking about my mental health problems in an online setting than I am face-to-face, just because people can't really put a name to a face. I think I will keep my diagnosis to myself for the time being until I am brave enough to be vulnerable to share this kind of information to someone other than a clinician. I do plan on joining a Bipolar support group (face-to-face or online, maybe).

@hunginc Ah no worries, glad to see you here! 

I'm glad you have made some progress and made the most of online learning, that's really something! Sharing it with someone in person can be a different task altogether, so it's perfectly fine if you just want to keep it between you and your mental health professional for now. Recognising that that is where you are at is a great example of self-awareness, so go you! Let us know how joining the group goes too!

@Tay100  I am still having some trouble with this, I know i have a right to privacy and that my particular diagnosis comes with a lot of stigma but it also affects me significantly in my day to day life and it is really hard to find a balance between my privacy and constantly having to come up with random reasons as to why i am not as functional as my peers. especially when i have to do group work with uni it is just that my mental health impacts me too much for people not to notice something is up even when i try really hard to hide it. but then telling people the truth would just make them run away or stop talking to me. 

@Eden1717  it's such a deeply personal decision about what to disclose, and how much detail to give, especially if it feels like you're having to hide something from the people around you. Totally fine if you'd rather not go into this, but I'm wondering if you've ever told friends in the past at all? 

I've been really interested to read through this thread, it's such an important conversation to have - and the right answer really looks different for everyone.

@Janine-RO @Tay100  I have told some friends and pretty much all the friends that I did tell have stopped talking to me with zero explanation so I can only assume that it was related. The only other friends that know are ones I was in hospital with who are a lot more understanding. 

‘The uni stuff is hard because I am having to do a lot of group work and it is kind of a problem but idk everything is a problem with uni at the moment. 

@Eden1717 hey there, hope you are doing ok today

It's good that some friends were understanding, and of course, disheartening that others aren't understanding as much. Give them time, space and compassion (let them know you are still the same person and great friend) and maybe they'll process it and reach out to you again. We can talk more on this subject if you like, but I understand if you want to leave it be as well- it's up to you.

Uni is a whirlwind- groupwork doubles this for anyone! Have you talked to your tutor about it? They may be a great resource to help run things smoothly. If you feel ok, you could tell the group members what they need to know. 

I am glad you have some friends who have been understanding @Eden1717. It must hurt to feel like your other friends have stopped talking to you as a result of being open about your mental health.

In an earlier post, you said that your mental health can be hard for you to hide when you are doing group work at uni. This might be something you have already done.. but would you feel comfortable telling people that you are struggling with your mental health at the moment? The only reason I suggested this is because it seems as though you dislike having to hide it and come up with other reasons. As everyone has said, you don't owe anyone this information and it is up to you. This could be a balance between telling people but also not telling them everything.

@Tay100  the friends had plenty of time they aren't coming back.

@Taylor-RO it isnt just that i dislike having to hide it it is that "im tired" or "i am not feeling well" only works so many times before people start to just think you are making excuses not to do the work. and the people i am in the groups with in uni i am not close enough to even consider telling them that i have mental health issues. i am just sick of having to let people think i am lazy and a bad partner because i am not able to do things the same way everyone else can. 

@Eden1717 sigh, I see. These things can happen. Accepting it can be hard- but it's important we process that in a healthy way. We can help you with that side of things if you like too- don't feel like you have to put that loss on the backburner.

You have us, and perhaps the online community- have you considered joining a support group (even online) or there might be one at uni? These groups can be really safe spaces that provide genuine friendships with people who just 'get it'.

Aw, it must have been really hard to have your family not believe you @Agenderandproudofit - I'm sorry that happened

Thanks for sharing @hunginc. I think, generally speaking, it is totally okay to not tell employees or your university, especially if you feel uncomfortable.

I personally believe that, generally speaking, your health information (whether physical or mental) is private and you don't have to share it with anyone you don't want to...and people shouldn't feel bad for not sharing..it's not like others have a "right" to know...rather....it's the affected person who has the right to choose who they share such information with. Plus, who knows if the other person has something they're not telling you...

@hunginc I'm with you! I got diagnosed with bipolar in 2018 and my psychiatrist flat out told me to keep it quiet because I would get discriminated against by employers etc. I also really hate the reactions to having bipolar, it does have the 'psycho' connotations and that unpredictable scariness and there's always an 'ooh...' when you say it to someone. It also hurts because the only experiences I have with bipolar people in my own life has been people who really aren't the sort you want to be associated with, which is a further inspiration to not say anything. I've definitely had my bubble popped when someone has made a bipolar comment and I haven't been able to say anything without 'outing' myself 

I'm very lucky that I have friends and family who accept me and I do appreciate the diagnosis for explaining a lot about my past and present difficulties but it's also a very heavy burden to carry a lifelong mental illness in that way. Even though you're totally entitled to privacy even in your worst moments it would be lovely to be able to be open and honest with everyone about them...

I think @Taylor-RO made a good point about thinking about the responses people will give. Sometimes it's just not worth giving people such an important piece of information about yourself. And that goes for positive things about you too, if they would become tools for manipulation or cruelty in their hands!