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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  I am sorry the changes to your support system have made things difficult and are making you feel bad. do you think there are other ways you can expand your support network to help cover it for a little while. idk like do you have friends or family you can get support from? of course we are always here but it can feel different to irl supports. i am glad you managed to do some calming things. 

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Hey @Hannah-RO thanks haha- I didn't end up going for a walk

@Eden1717 I have a friend but I don't want to put this on her. My family doesn't talk about stuff with me. I just spent 5 minutes sobbing while hugging my cat and getting tears and snot all over her and she was NOT impressed HAHA. She's still licking herself. I'm just thinking what is the actual point in me existing I just stay in my room all day and no one in my family comes to talk to me. I don't really have a support network atm Smiley Sad
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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  the covid situation certainly wouldnt be helping with feeling lonely and isolated i think people with mental health issues often feel lonely when things are normal but add that to the mix and it wouldnt be nice. poor cat lol just kidding i am sure she is fine, pets can be very comforting. could you make a list of the supports you do have currently and then maybe think of things you can try and add to the list? idk you dont have to do that it is just a suggestion sometimes seeing stuff on paper feels different to thinking about it in your head. is there something relaxing you can do tonight? 

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

I think @Eden1717's suggestion is a really good one, and might help a little with how you're feeling. I also know that a couple of my mates who have dealt with suicidal thoughts have also put down all the things that they wouldn't get to experience if they weren't here any more. That could be anything from a friend's birthday, or even 'little' things like not finding out how your favourite tv series/book ends, or listening to any new music that your favourite artists might release, or being able to visit a place that you really love but have never got to see in person. Have you ever tried writing that sort of list down before?

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Aww @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ❤

My little sloth heart is bloody hurting. I really wish there was something I could do but we both know this next week is not going to be easy. Having said that, I do want to remind you of how incredibly strong you are and that you CAN do this!!! It's going to hurt like no tomorrow and probably leave you crying for days and feeling nothing but complete numbness (let's be real) BUT I do know you can do this. And we will all be here for you to help you though it ❤

(I've been signing on the last few days but it wasn't showing me notifications till now for some reason 😔). But I will do my best to just come straight to your thread instead from now on because I know this isn't going to be easy and I want to keep my promise to you! 

 

Have you spoken with your psychologist about this at all? I know you were still learning to trust her, so just want to check in and see how that's all going? 

 

And what about your group? I've never done group stuff before (they're currently trying to convince me 😂) so I'm not entirely sure how it works. But is there anyone there you feel you could trust or relate to to share this burden? 

 

I know you don't want to put all this on your friend BUT... two things! 1) If she is a true friend she wouldn't mind and would want to help you through this. 2) You don't have to make it about how you're feeling. That second one might sound heartless written like that? But my back up psych often tells me (when I'm feeling scared and guilty about connecting with my friend) to not make it about me and my feelings. And instead, to just chat with her about random things and about her. I know how alike we are and my psych often suggests that because aparently I'm a caring person lol So hearing about how my friend is and helping her with random shit kinda ends up helping me in the long run because it makes me feel useful and like I have a bit of a purpose? Idk. How would you feel about connecting with them? I could even send you that muffin recipie I never got round to and you could bake them with her and then share the results with me? 😊 I just think it's important you do try and reach out. I know it's hard and I know you probably don't want too, but I know deep down you also don't want to find yourself in that really dark headspace again, so please, be kind to yourself and reach out to your friend ❤

 

I also just wanted to quickly touch on how you felt so scared of yourself. Reading this scares me. Because we are so alike. And I think we are used to having those thoughts but then sometimes there is this part of us that still wants to live and explore. But then in the scary times, the real dark times, it's like we don't care if we don't live and explore anymore? And then that part of us gets really sad and scared because let's face it, it really is sad when someone so young has a life ahead of them but doesn't actually want to live it because they can't handle the pain. So we are left feeling sad (as usual) but also extremely scared because that's when we realise things really are not okay? Idk. I'm not quite sure how to explain it but I do think I understand what you're trying to say because there's been a few times I've been so scared of myself, and it's often when I'm really not okay and no matter how strong I am, it's like the fight in me gives up. Idk. I really do hope that if I'm on the right track here (I'm probs not making ANY sense) but if I am.. I really do hope that you can find it in you to reach out to your psych and your friend. And maybe even your parents if you feel it? I know they aren't always the greatest supports but sometimes even just going and doing something as simple as the groceries with my mum can help. Sounds silly, but it just reminds me there are other things in life and I do have a mum if I need her? 

 

I'm sorry if none of this made sense. I am very all over the place at the moment. But I'm here to listen if you want to chat and I promise to try and not send anymore novels! 🤣 

 

I'm sending you lots of big warm and squishy sloth hugs!!!! You CAN do this. ❤

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Ooooh yeahhhh, can't you just feel the lovin'? I know you can! And I know you're smiling. If you're not smiling then you should be smiling, so SMILE! Betty and George don't like it when you don't smile. They get sad. And sad sloths aren't as cute so please don't upset themOoooh yeahhhh, can't you just feel the lovin'? I know you can! And I know you're smiling. If you're not smiling then you should be smiling, so SMILE! Betty and George don't like it when you don't smile. They get sad. And sad sloths aren't as cute so please don't upset them

 

Mummy sloth will always be here to catch you when you try to fall baby sloth. I know she's been swinging off in some other trees lately, but she's back and she's ready to be the mummy she should have always been.. ❤ She is happy in this tree and promises she isn't going nowhere! ❤Mummy sloth will always be here to catch you when you try to fall baby sloth. I know she's been swinging off in some other trees lately, but she's back and she's ready to be the mummy she should have always been.. ❤ She is happy in this tree and promises she isn't going nowhere! ❤

I know, I know.. it's cringy and probably makes ZERO sense! 🤣

 

But hang in there my baby sloth, it's what we sloths do best ❤

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

My cat totally got me back my biting my face and drawing blood (a teeny bit) @Eden1717! Satanic creature! 🖤 I actually was just doing that before you said it because I found some booklet online about coping and it suggested writing down your supports!

Ugh my mum asked me if I'd been crying in a joking way even though I had literally been putting make up on to cover the redness in my face. Then she said 'save it' as in I shouldn't be crying over this (I asked her what she meant afterwards). Then she told me to shut up and I called her a terrible mother Smiley Sad Gah I shouldn't have said it. I ended up telling my friend this because I was so angry and she gave me the best advice to rip up paper and punch a pillow and I had so much rage I wasn't even aware of so that was good because I got most of it out. My parents are a lost cause when it comes to talking with them. Dad laughs everything off and mum makes me feel bad for her and for being useless Smiley Sad And they make fun of me when I try to off myself or treat me like an overly sensitive kid.

@Andrea-RO I have tried that like with missing out on seeing what happens and it helps sometimes Smiley Happy

@MB95 You write the longest posts Smiley Tongue My thinking brain isn't good at focusing atm but I LOVE the sloth pics they did indeed make me smile 🖤Ugh I am not ready for another bout of grief, I just got over my counsellor leaving. And my mum is making me feel weak for crying over my CM leaving. I ended up talking to my friend about stuff without putting in stuff that'll make her worry (like safety stuff). I used to burden her with that way too much. Hmm this group is all people older than me, I don't really talk to them Smiley Sad And they all hate me. Because I spend the whole time scribbling on paper. Yeah I spoke to my psych, but it's like starting over and I'm sick of reliving all the stupid stuff that's wrong with me. I'm too mad at my parents atm.

(TW but I am safe-DON'T READ IF YOU AREN'T IN A GOOD PLACE) ******* Honestly I feel like they HATE me and want me dead and wouldn't even notice if I slipped away like they are trying to nudge me into killing myself because they are so sick of me. Like I'm convinced they want me to die painfully. But I can't go because my friend would be sad and I feel like there's a promise to my CM to stay alive and oh my goodness those sloths are so cute they're staring at me 🖤 ********(END OF TW)

I hope you're doing okay @MB95

omg your sloth captions are so funny hehe loook they are so sweet! Look at the noses!

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  Cats really are from another planet, I am glad you got some of your anger out apparently there are places people go to smash plates and stuff when they are angry like actual places you can go and just smash stuff. Anyway might be a fun outing once covid is not so bad. I am sorry about your parents I think sometimes people joke to try and cope but there is a place and time for jokes and even if that is how one person copes it might not be how someone else does so you have to be careful cause sometimes it just ends up being offensive. Do you think maybe it is just your parents way of coping and maybe they don’t know what to say so they try a laugh it off? I am not saying it isn’t hurtful to you but parents aren’t professionals and they often don’t know how to deal with this stuff and sometimes they get it wrong. 

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

I'm really sorry your parenrs aren't being supportive through this, it breaks my heart. But I do think @Eden1717 is right when she says a lot of the time parents have no clue how to react or what to do and they often don't mean to come across the way they do. My parents don't know a whole lot cause I've decided to keep it all to myself purely for that reason.. the little parts they do know are often joked about or they just don't know how to respond and it makes me feel even worse. But I am sure they don't hate you and want you dead! I understand how hard it is not to believe that, but remember when I thought that about my psych? I'm very slowly getting there and trying to tell myself it's not true and that the only reason I'm thinking that is because there is something deeper going on with me that's not yet been addressed.. still trying to work that one out, so I don't have the answers I'm sorry but maybe try and write out a list of things that make you believe otherwise and go against these thoughts? Like what about that time you went for a walk with your mum? Or a drive with your dad? Idk. Somtimes trying to focus on the more positive times with them helps me when I'm not in a good place? 

 

I am extremely happy and proud to hear you reached out to your friend though!!! And I LOVE her suggestions, bloody awesome!!!! I've always wanted to go to one of those rooms @Eden1717 is talking about!! So if you happen to find one and go please let me know what it's like!!! But for now, ripping paper and punching pillows sounds like the way to go! Even screaming into a pillow is meant to be good too? 😊

 

How much older are the people in your group? I'm sure they would be happy to support you if you felt comfortable enough opening up? Or what about the person that runs the group? They might be able to help you in some way to build some friendships with the others? Like i said, I'm not quite sure how groups run sorry.. 

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

How are you feeling today by the way? I forgot to ask!!