Not sure what to do
Hi guys,
I'm new on here and just thought to try give it a go..
I'm struggling with alot of different things atm and feel like I'm starting to really lose my mind.
I've recently moved and started uni in a place I don't know anyone so feeling pretty alone.
I finally worked up the courage to see a psychologist but am worried I'm getting too attached to her because every time something good or bad happens she's the one I want to tell!! But then I also really struggle to tell her when I'm not okay because she is working really hard with me and I don't want to let her down so I'm scared to tell her the truth...
Any suggestions? Or is there anyone that's had a similar experience when seeing a psychologist? I just feel really stupid and pathetic for wanting to talk to her all the time but then also not being able to tell her things!?!?
That is both so sweet that you wouldn't want to burden anyone and maybe a little messed up.. HAHA I mean if it keeps you safe, then I think it's a good idea. Literally I always want to say goodbye to everyone when I feel like that, so maybe in a way that's protective? But like, with my old phone counsellor (seriously?! I'm bringing her up again!? What is WRONG with me? 🙃 I need to get over this!) ahem anyway, but with her, I would email her or whatever venting my thoughts and although I would feel horrible about it, I would want her to assume I was dead rather than I just decided randomly to stop talking to her.. because she wouldn't know otherwise since we never met.. (edit: like I'd want her to know me leaving wasn't personal I just didn't want to be around anymore) I'd say that's a bit more messed up @MB95 so you're in the clear with that one HAHA... I'm so glad journaling helped you, even if it was for a little bit. Sometimes it really helps just to get all the thoughts out onto a page 🙂 Yum! More pizza!! You're making me hungry now HAHAH That's awesome she's easy to talk to and it gives you a break from your thoughts 🙂
Thanks @Lost_Space_Explorer5 and @Sophia-RO ❤ I'm okay. I had a pretty rough morning and my thoughts were intense but I decided to try write in my journal cause I felt like I needed to let a lot of shit out and didn't want to annoy or worry people on here so I did that and instantly felt relieved. I also cleaned up my room and made a to do list for the next few days. I went down hill a bit this arvo but my housemate and I just had left over pizza for dinner and are having a couple of drinks which is nice and helping me relax! She is only 18 but so damn mature!! She doesn't know anything about how I'm doing but just being able to have random conversations with her is great! We've just started watching The Sinner - great show! We're both hooked lol
Anyway, I feel like I'm doing better than thismorning and this arvo so it's all good 👍
And @Lost_Space_Explorer5 I usually won't call someone cause it doesn't really work for me. But I will email my psych or leave a voice message on her phone. I know it's silly and she doesn't really like me doing it and would rather I call 000 or a helpline or go to hospital but sometimes I really just need to talk to her and don't want to involve people I don't know. I just find knowing I've told hee and she'll call me as soon as she can kind of helps me feel less alone and a bit more in control. It's like telling her makes me stop following through on my thoughts because I could never leave a message for her and then kill myself. I would never put that on her when she has no way of being able to help me. So in a fucked up way it's kind of my way of keeping myself safe lol I know it's fucked up. But that's just me. I've got too many issues to count 🙃
I'm happy you're trying to stay safe, @MB95 and that's totally okay if you're not up to it 🙂 I hope you keep looking after yourself and find some good distractions because you deserve it!! I'm glad my ugly sloths cheered you up hehe 😛 Also, if you can't keep yourself safe, you should call someone okay :(!! I want you to be okay 🙂
This has just made my day! Thankyou so much @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ❤ They are adorable!!
I'm not really up for talking about me tonight if that's okay. I really don't feel great so am trying to ignore it and keep myself busy and distracted for the weekend till I can talk through some stuff with my psych on Monday. I'll probs post on here tomorrow about some stuff but not the triggering stuff cause it's too much. I want to talk about it but also not having physical supports in place is not exactly wise atm. It's not that I don't want to talk to you guys on here. I'm just trying to keep myself safe atm that's all.
Oh I'm so sorry things are so hard for you right now @MB95 😞 Can I give you a sloth hug? 🙂 It sucks you weren't able to talk to your psych, do you feel you'll be okay over the weekend? It's good you've got some company right now at least 🙂 Can I do anything to help? We can play pictionary or I can ask you a bunch of random questions, or we could chat about whatever.. That's if you feel up to it, and if you feel that would be helpful 🙂
It's gonna be okay, you're gonna get through this 🙂
Ooh, is it hawaiian pizza? That's the best kind if you ask me 😛
I'm here for you if you need to talk
To be honest I feel worse. I'm just having pizza and a drink and movie with my housemate cause I don't wanna be on my own. I didn't get to speak to my psych which sucks but I'll be fine.
Hey @MB95
Aw I'm so sorry to hear that you had a bad and triggering day yesterday. It's okay, I've also cried before in public spaces - once at uni in a lecture when a sad video was put on the screen. It sounds like you managed to hide it pretty well and it went unnoticed. But still, it seems like it triggered you quite a lot and upset you right into the night 
. I hope you're feeling a little better this morning.
In terms of placement ending - I think it is pretty normal to be upset if something you've enjoyed is ending. It'd be upset too. I just wanted to point out that I think it's really positive that you became comfortable at the workplace, enjoyed yourself, and seemed to have formed good bonds with your coworkers. It's also awesome that you enjoyed the work so much - means you're doing the right course! I think asking if they have work is not a bad idea - do you think you might do this? Even if they don't have any positions now, you could say something like "well I really enjoyed working here, please keep me in mind if any opportunities arise."
Also, just FYI, I noticed you wrote on your other thread but decided I'd reply here because you've explained why you're upset in this thread. 
Ahem. I'm really sorry to hear you were so triggered at your placement, that really sucks 😞 Do you want to talk about what triggered you? (If you want and feel that would help)... I totally get the trying to distract yourself from crying thing 😞 It's okay and quite normal to get emotional if something triggers you, I once started getting all teary during uni class cause the lecturer kept telling me off for reading the wrong thing but then he realised I was reading the right thing and apologised and I just wanted to disappear. So yeah you're definitely not alone in embarrassing emotional moments within a professional setting 😛 How're you feeling this morning? Getting attached to a rewarding and supportive placement is normal! I'm glad you can talk to your back up psych today if you need 🙂
Not sure if anyones around but I really don't feel great. I had a pretty overwhelming day on placement today and a client brought me to tears (not intentionally, it was just extremely confronting and triggering for me which I wasn't prepared for in the slightest). It brought a lot of unresolved emotions up for me and just left me feeling even more heart broken and helpless. I managed to pull myself together and fight the tears away by constantly pinching and scratching myself on the hand and arm to distract myself (thank god no one noticed cause I felt so pathetic doing it but I really needed something!). I also managed to keep the tears hidden cause I had to leave the room for a minute which was a bonus! But I've just been feeling really off. I was okay on our 2hr drive home but since coming home I just feel sick and distant. It was a full on day emotionally and I'm not sure how to stop thinking about it. I keep trying to fall asleep but every time I try my brain just wants to remind me of that and what it triggered for me. And I'm also sad tomorrow is my last day. Like the first two days I wasn't so keen on it but once my anxiety calmed the fuck down and I started to feel comfortable with my surroundings and everything it's been amazing and i don't want to leave. I feel like my attachment has kicked in full force. Like I'm really sad to leave and feel like I want to ask if they have any jobs going lol I just wish I was normal and didn't get so attached so easily! It's just been a really nice couple days. Super full on mentally and physically but so damn rewarding that I feel like I'm contributing to something good for once and don't want it to end if that makes sense? Sorry guys. I just needed to get some of it out. I've asked my 'back up psych' if I can call her tomorrow if I'm still feeling this way for a quick chat cause I know I'll find the weekend really hard and she helped me so much the other day. But I just felt like I needed to try talk now cause I really don't feel okay.
Ahahaha oh idk about that.. have a chat with my psych, I'm sure she'll tell you otherwise lol
Also they hide under the title 'senior counsellor' ahahaha but they actually have degrees in clinical psychology. Like mine has been a psych for over 10yrs and the other one is probs close to that too idk..
WHERE ARE MY UNI FEES GOING THEN? HAHAHA
We have counseling available at uni but no psychs.. Unless they're hidden away for the really f***ed up people 😛 I guess I don't qualify 😛 (yay!)
HAHA I love that you ended up being her therapist... You're not that f***ed up @MB95 you're just as sane as we are 🙂
Yeah they have counselors and psychologists lol You've gotta be proper fucked up like me though to get in with a psych 🤣 I tried the counselor and that was just an absolute disaster! I ended up being her therapist LOL So I was referred to the psychs. There's only two and lucky me gets them both! Ahahaha I really am grateful I have them and they see me weekly with no charge. I guess we pay enough in fees lol
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 Yeah for now they are lol. And yeah 200 is not a fun price.
@MB95 Yeah public is much cheaper or free but in my area the public people are really terrible so everyone avoids them if possible.
Wowza @Eden1717 ! 😮
So when I was looking it was $100/hr so I was turned off and didn't do it cause I can't afford that! That wasn't private though so maybe that's why? Idk..?
And I don't pay now because it is through uni. I was advised to see one and I guess they just really fit with me so I'm EXTREMELY lucky! Hence why I'm worried about them wanting me to see a psychiatrist and possibly do group therapy 🙃
@Eden1717 Ah okay that's more sensible for a psychologist. That is a little overpriced for a psychiatrist though but you said they're bulk billing you atm, right?
Ahahaha don't let it scare you away! I'm in a specialised equipment area so this is kinda an odd placement! And not exactly what you find alot of OTs doing 😂
Yeah my backup psych is incredible @Lost_Space_Explorer5. Her and my psych work pretty closely with me so it's just nice to know I have her to turn to when mine isn't available. Really helps. I also asked her if I should take a break and she said if my only reason is because I don't want to waste their time (which it is) then she doesn't want me doing it cause they love working with me. We laughed cause I don't quite believe her but it did help I guess. And make things worse 🤣
They are rediculous prices! I'm so goddam grateful my psychs are free. Holey shit. There's no way I'd be doing it otherwise!
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 No my psychologist is 200 and hour but the old one was 235 and my psychiatrist is like over 600 per hour lol.
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 @MB95 Wait you only pay $100 for a psychologist???? Mine is $200. Ahahaha and yep that is how much he costs which is why I only have 15-10 minute sessions lol. Also he isn’t ripping me off comparatively in my area everyone cots that much or sometimes more. But he is one of only like 2 good psychiatrists in the area the others are all not very good so like there isn’t really any choice. Oh also every private psychiatrist is completely full and no one is taking new clients so that doesn’t help either.
$400 is definitely too much @Eden1717, that's a ridiculous amount for a psychologist. The psychiatrist on the other hand that I will see in the future wants about that but some is covered by medicare.
That is so lovely of your back up psych to offer oh my gosh bless her
Woah you got to build a wheelchair!! What is this, ikea!! HAHA! Maybe OT isn't for me, I suck at building things...
Stay awake @MB95
I'm sorry.. WHAT!?!?!?!?! @Eden1717 !!!! That is INSANE!!!!! I thought $100/hr was expensive as all hell for a psych lol Are you being ripped off? Cause that is just rediculous! I am actually lost for words. How is anyone meant to be able to afford that? Man $100 turned me off for seeking support! I'd just laugh at anything higher!
As for my day yesterday @Lost_Space_Explorer5 .. I'm beyond exhausted today so can't exactly think straight. But I just feel like my OT isn't exactly helpful or wanting placement students. Idk I hadn't learnt anything yet. And I had that appointment with my 'back up psych' I was so scared to ask if I could take so I cancelled on her last min and then ended up being given a lunch break at the same time my appointment was meant to be. So I told my psych and she end up doing a quick check in which was amazing cause I needed it so badly! I was so worked up and not having a great morning so she just helped calm me down and see things differently. She also told me I can call her on her lunch break anytime this week if I want to which has made me feel alot calmer. Idk, just knowing I can call her if needed is relieving.
Today has been so much better though! I can barely stay awake which SUCKS but I got to build a wheelchair before and the new lady that's here is a thousand times better and actually wants to teach me stuff and is so passionate so I'm actually loving it now!! Have a home visit this arvo to fit a client to a wheelchair and I cannot wait!!!
Just trying to stay awake lol And keep my thoughts on track. This new lady has definately helped which is great!
What the heck that's so bloody expensive @Eden1717 I thought my sessions were expensive
@MB95 I did kill a cactus. 😞
So.. tell us how your day yesterday was :p!
Yeah the private chats wouldn't be moderated as easily.. I don't know how they'd do it. All I can think of them being able to do is to set up a thing where you can send little predetermined phrases to people on their profile pages to alert them.
