TW: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..
So it's probably a real stupid question to ask if anyone's ever felt lonely before because most people have, but I just wanted to see if any of you have some tips on how to deal with it?
Uni has just finished and it's made me realise how alone I am. I have no friends or family where I'm living so mostly spending days at home alone if I'm not at work and it's really starting to get to me.
I just feel really numb and sad and my self-harm/suicidal thoughts are pretty full on at the moment. I'm trying not to listen to them but when there isn't much else going on it's bloody hard!!!
I also saw my psychologist yesterday and tried to ask her if we could do two sessions next week instead of one because it's our last week before holidays and there's a lot I feel like I want to talk to her about. I'm also kind of scared I'm not going to have contact with her for over a month but she didn't seem to like the idea so we just booked one session. I know she didn't mean anything by it and she's busy but for some reason it's really upset me and made me angry and now I don't even want to go next week. I know she didn't mean it, but it just made me feel like she's sick of me and doesn't want to work with me anymore and it's just made me feel even more alone and worthless. Any suggestions on how I can stop feeling like this? Especially towards her because she really is an awesome therapist and it's upsetting me that for some reason I'm angry at her?!?
I also wanted to ask if anyone else experiences anger with loneliness? Like all I want is for someone to care and want to spend time with me, not because it's their job or they have too, but because they want too. And then when no one does I get angry and hate myself (and others) but then when someone does actually show interest and wants to help I also get angry and push them away?!?! Like I can't make sense of it. I want someone to ask me how I am and show they care but then if someone does I try my best to push them away and then get angry when they go? I know it's ridiculous but I really can't help it. Does anyone else ever feel like this or is it just me? Because it sucks and I don't want to seem ungrateful!!!!
Hi @MB95 ,
First - I know this is a bit of a poor substitute, but I just wanted to know that there's a lot of people in the community who are wanting to give you a virtual hug at the moment. We are all here for you.
Personally, I just have to say I can identify so strongly with what you've written here, in the past I went through some really tough times when I was at uni, and it can be a really tough cycle to break out of when it feels like there's so much pressure to study, do placements and navigate all of the stress and paperwork that goes along with that, be a good friend, and somehow also find the time to look after your own mental health.
You really are doing such a great job - from what I've seen, you've been really brave and proactive in seeing a psychologist, having those hard conversations with your parents, and coping with uni intensives, plus being a caring and compassionate friend. So many of us have felt like we are the only ones who don't "really" have our shit together - but I think that inwardly, we feel a lot like this...
I'm sorry that your friend made you feel like you won't be able to cope with placement, that sounds like it would've been really unhelpful.
It sounds like you are feeling a bit burnt out at the moment, and that is so common for uni students - on a really practical note, I'm wondering if dropping down your subject load might be an option you could look into? I know a lot of people (myself included!) who dropped down to a .75 or .5 load when life got a bit crazy, and unis are often much more supportive than you'd think to having a bit of flexibility. After all, it is in their best interest to have their students successfully complete their courses, and it's so common for life to get in the way sometimes.
If that's not something you're wanting to do, I totally understand - just thought I would throw it out there.
Sleep deprivation can also be absolutely awful and makes it so much harder to cope with everything- do you think you can get some good sleep tonight?
You say you feel useless - but that's not what I see at all. Your intelligence, compassion and energy really shines through here on the forums, and it's easy to be so hard on ourselves when we're feeling down.
Yeah I guess writing things down helps me sometimes but sometimes I feel like it goes too far that it doesn't help much if that makes sense. I'm going to try when I get home tonight. I just feel like I need someone. Like I want a hug but I also know how uncomfortable I'd find it and want to push them away and get angry at them for caring. I'm just all over the place and don't really know what I want or need. I don't know how to tell my housemate because she is very outspoken and gets extremely defensive about things so I usually just listen and don't do a whole lot of talking because I'm scared of how she'll react so I don't want to upset her or cause any conflict cause I don't deal well with conflict.
@MB95 Can you tell your friend you need some space it isn’t your job to look after anyone else and maybe if her jokes are bothering you, you should tell her that. You don’t have to have your shit together all the time no one does, idk I could be remembering wrong but did you say writing it dow helped? Sorry I am not much help.
Hi guys,
I'm really low at the moment and just need to get stuff out if that's okay. I want to talk to someone so badly but I don't have anyone to talk too. I just feel like I need to give someone a hug and just cry. I really don't feel great. I'm trying so goddam hard but at the moment it really seems like nothing is working. I know I'm probably more emotional cause I only got 4hrs sleep last night but I did try to sleep more I just couldn't. I can't relax much today cause I'm at uni till 5pm with classes. I have a break atm but am trying to get my documents filled out for placement and am really struggling. I just feel useless and like I can't do anything. I was late to my lecture again today because I couldn't get myself out of bed and my friend made me feel really bad by pointing out that I'm not going to cope on placement. Like I know I will be on time for placement because it's different but she had a point - I don't have my shit together. I keep pretending like I do but I don't and I really don't know how to get it together. I'm so lost. I get overwhealmed at the smallest thing and feel like such a child!!!! My friend didn't mean anything by it cause she doesn't know what's going on for me but it really hurt and was a bit of a slap in the face at how much I'm struggling atm. I called to see if I could change my psych appointment to tomorrow instead of Thurs and my psych answered the phone instead of the receptionist and that completely threw me. My old housemate also messaged me yesterday cause she was having a bad day so I went to comfort her yesterday and take her for a walk to get her out the house but I felt really selfish because I couldn't seem to help her or give her any advice. She likes to joke about suicide a bit and it really upsets me because I take it really seriously from first hand experience so I can never tell if she's being serious or not. I don't think she is but I also don't know. I'm keeping an eye on her but I also feel really bad because I honestly don't have much energy in me to be there for her. I can't even be there for myself at the moment and am just finding everything so hard. I am so numb and sad and angry and I just really want to hurt myself but I'm also really scared too incase someone finds out what I did and thinks I'm stupid and can't cope. I just really want this to end. I feel like I shouldn't be at uni because I can't seem to cope and that I should drop out. But I also don't want to be working in hospitality all my life! I just want to run away from everything and move back overseas on my own. I thought I wanted to try and fix myself and stop running away from things but for some reason avoiding everything seems to be the only way I can cope. I just want to stop feeling like this!!! I want to stop being so useless and start being able to help others again and be the strong one that people think I am!!! Sorry for the rant. I'm just really lost and wanted someone to chat too, i hole that's okay. I promise I'm trying. Nothing just seems to be working atm and I just feel like giving up on it all. Like I dont want too but I also really do want to if thay even makes any goddam sense?!?!? 😔 I just want to punch something and scream and cry and hurt myself so I can feel again!!!!!
Hi @MB95 ,
The fact that you felt like driving home but didn't, is a big thing! Being mindful of these anxiety provoking situations and working through them despite the discomfort is really courageous. Working through these small steps will stand you in good stead. Well done 
Hi @MB95
No worries about the posts and of course every person and their family will be different.
My Mum is actually quite naturally anti-psychology or medication or any practitioner help really. It took her a long time to accept the fact that she couldn’t help and I needed more specialist support. Even now, she wonders if I’ll continue medication and seeing someone regularly.
So to get her to see someone is basically out of the question. That being said, she tried once because all of my drs told her to, but never again.
I came to accept the fact that no matter what I said or did, she wasn’t going to change her mind and so now I don’t take responsibility for her feelings and I’m able to let her deal with her own feelings because there’s nothing I can do, so I’ll just focus on my own.
But how are you going tonight?
I know you said you feel like people think you’re lying but I agree with everything @scared01 has said.
And so see coming on here as a bad thing. It’s great! You’re actually actively seeking help which is a massive achievement.
Thanks for checking in guys. I know I shouldn't be drinking but it's just helping me at the moment. It felt good last night to just relieve some of whats going on, it's a bit harder tonight but it's helping me sleep through which is a positive at the moment because I haven't been able to sleep much at all. I've been down the road where I struggled to not drink every night as a way to cope and I don't want to go back there ever again. I haven't really touched alcohol in almost 2yrs but for some reason I just really felt like I needed it last night, and tonight I've only had a couple so it's all good. I don't want it to become a regular thing so I won't let it. For some reason I just felt like I had to try and ride myself off last night to cope and not do anything stupid. I have a psych appointment tomorrow morning so if I'm not embarrassed or scared I am going to try and bring it up with her because I really don't want to go back to relying on it to cope. It's not who I am and I'm so sorry for my message last night.
Hey @MB95,
I work in admin for the government so it’s been particularly busy lately with COVID-19. And I am now on a Uni break for a couple of weeks and then back at it again. It’s all online which I thought would give me more time but the motivation is no good hahaha.
How’d you go with applying for some places?
And just because you’ve applied doesn’t mean you have to do them. You don’t want to put yourself under too much pressure, especially as you said your anxiety has been stopping you a lot lately. But applying is an awesome first step!
No need to apologize @Alison5, I completely understand we all have our own lives and things going on which can become busy and overwhelming! And I feel like good old COVID-19 has stuffed us all around! What are you doing for work again? I can't remember.. but that's awesome you were able to keep working! I ended up losing both my jobs which totally sucked! Are you on break from uni now? Hopefully you'll get to take some time out to put your feet up and relax cause it sounds like you need and deserve it!! I think it's great you recognised you needed a break from the forums and took it! Looking after yourself is top priority! But just quietly.. I am so glad you're back!!! You're one of my favourite community members and I really value your advice so am glad to see you back 😊
Thanks for looking at it so positively!! It definately has motivated me to keep going with my studies and made me realise it is what I want to be doing which is great. I was so close to dropping out so I'm glad I got a good placement to keep me inspired! In a strange way it's also kind of motivated me to get my ass into gear and start volunteering at places like I've been planning to for ages. My anxiety has been stopping me so much lately but being forced into placement was the reminder I needed that I CAN go into a new environment and make it work! So I think I'll apply for a heap of places tomorrow before this high wears off lol And thanks for mentioning that about the triggers - you're totally right!!! Man have I missed your outlook on things!! ❤
Hi @MB95,
I've not caught up completely with the thread but I’m pleased to hear your placement was enjoyable. Although it’s over and I can hear you’re finding this “reality” of your current situation lonely. But it could also be a big motivator or drive to reach a point in your life/career where you can do that sort of thing everyday. If you think about how if you keep studying and get through these lonely and sometimes difficult times, you’ll get there - you’ll have more experiences like your placement.
And along the way, learning to recognize and hopefully prevent and cope with any triggers that may come up. Every time there is a trigger and you get through it, the stronger you become and over time, the less you will become triggered by that same thing.
As for me (and thanks for asking), I’ve just been very busy with Uni and then when COVID-19 hit, I actually got even busier with work and have been exhausted so unfortunately that meant taking some time away from here as I did not have the time or energy. 😞
I planned to at least stay on when I could but apologies for not really explaining my absence. I guess I was a little guilty that I’d not been on in a while too.
But hopefully now I’ll be more available and I hope you had a good day today 😃
Oh my gosh @Alison5!!! You have no idea how happy I am to hear from you!!! I thought you'd disappeared from RO and was a little sad about it so I'm so happy to see you haven't 😊
How have you been? I've missed talking to you! I hope you've been keeping well.
I'm not sure if you've seen anything on my other thread but basically I've been all over the goddam place! I just finished my one week placement and am really struggling with it being over which is strange. I thought I'd be okay but I just felt so welcommed and like I was part of something and treated like an adult and now I'm back to being all alone and I just hate it. Idk, it was like a taste tester of what life could be like in a way and then I'm reminded of what my life is actually like if that makes sense? Quite a few triggering things came up on placement too which I wasn't prepared for so it just threw me. Just been feeling really alone and wanting someone to talk to which is why I posted on here..
Thank you so much for responding! I'd love to hear how you're going too - I hope everything is okay.
Hey @MB95,
Sorry to hear you aren’t feeling great. What’s going on for you tonight?
Edit: I realised this was the other night, but how are you going anyway? (I’ve been absent lately I’m sorry)
If anyone's around I'd really appreciate a chat. Really not feeling great.
Thanks @TOM-RO 😊 I definately feel like I'm pretty aware of my health and triggers which I guess is probably a good thing but sometimes it just makes me feel worse when I can't seem to control it. It's like I know what I should and need to be doing but can't get myself to physically do it which is a pain!
I couldn't agree more!! I know I 100% want to work in mental health, I'm just trying to work out if it'll be as an OT or a psychologist. We have a mental health subject next semester and I cannot wait!! I've been hanging out for it all year cause I'm hoping it'll help me with my decision to continue or switch over to psychology!
It sounds like your sister is very lucky to have you with such great advice! I think you're going to make an awesome psychologist!! 😊
I completely understand when you said that you were more interested in being a hands on therapist. I don't believe that psychology and mental health exists in a vacuum, I think that lots of career pathways (such as OT, GP's, and Nurses) intertwine with mental health. This means that a lot of different people can work together to help someone who may not be coping well psychologically. I think by looking at it this way, there is a whole team of professionals that do their part to help (this includes you as a future OT
)Yes it is true that the journey to becoming a psychologist is quite long. I think this can put some people off, but I think peoples beliefs can change when you put things into perspective. I have told my sister (who is considering what career she should follow) that the amount of time spent studying shouldn't matter too much. Because when we think about it, we spend about 40+ years working in that career (eventually), so what is 5-6 years of studying compared to the amount of time spent working? I have also told her to choose a pathway that thinking about working in for the next 40+ years makes you happy about. I think it is important to make sure that you love what you do, because I believe happiness is a very important aspect in life. It sounds like you are very passionate and suited to OT and it sounds like it will be a very rewarding career for you.
Thanks @TOM-RO! I ended up spending my morning on a chat with my friend from uni and we talked through the assignment together and made a heap of dot points which has kind of helped. There's still things I want to run by my lecturer for advice but for some reason talking to her really scares me so I'm just going to wait and see how I go for now and if I can get by without her help 🤞
It does help - thanks! 😊 I'm trying really hard to give myself breaks when things become too overwhelming. My psych suggested to me a while ago to get up and go for a walk around campus when I feel myself slipping, so I do try and do that now. And I'm trying real hard to keep a schedule like you mentioned! Sometimes it all just becomes too much though and I really can't cope. But I'm getting better at noticing the triggers which is helping 👍
Thanks heaps for sharing all that info with me! I checked out the link too which explained it real well so thanks! I definately find it interesting and part of me really wishes I'd done the degree and started sooner considering how long it takes to become qualified. But I'm also enjoying OT and (this might sound silly) but I went into it so I could be a more hands on therapist? Like I just know from my own personal experiences with my mental health and my sessions with my psych that sometimes I just really need the hands on to get me motivated and physically doing what she's asking me to? Like she is AMAZING (too amazing really) so it's nothing against her and nothing against psychologists but I guess for me I'm a very hands on person and there's alot of stuff I find I'm not telling my psych e.g. about the state of my room (how messy it can get when I'm not in a good place), how I'll leave dishes around and things like that. She wouldn't know that, whereas if I worked as an OT in mental health I could do home visits and stuff and help more practically? Idk. I think maybe just because it's something I find I need that I want to help others that may need it too? Like my psych gives me homework and stuff to do but I REALLY struggle to do it and need someone there with me to do it? It's hard to explain and probably doesn't make much sense sorry 🙃
Hello @MB95, that's good to hear that you have been able to get started. Sometimes getting an assignment started can be harder than writing the actual assignment. I don't know why but it makes it easier for me to come back to the assignment and do it once I have already started. I agree, tomorrow is a new day! Set that as a goal for tomorrow and just chip away at that assignment bit by bit - that is definitely what I do! I also frequently ask for help with uni assignments. Whether this is because I am really confused or the lecturer has not explained it well enough, I find that there is no shame in asking questions. I also have found the internet to be really useful with some assignments when my lecturer was not able to help me out enough. There are times where I will google a certain part of the assignment that I don't understand and that helps me to get a better understanding. That might help for you too!
When it comes to balancing mental health during exam times I always make sure that I plan for self-care days. Even if that involves not looking or thinking about the topic for that one day, I make sure to fit it in (for my sanity). I also find it helpful to stick to a study schedule (even if it is roughly) especially when you have multiple assessments/exams coming up. I hope that these tips are helpful for you
It is great to hear how passionate you are about mental health. It sounds like it would be a good pathway for you to choose. If you are not specifically interested in becoming a psychologist there are other options in the field that you can follow. These include social worker, mental health social worker, and counsellor to name a few. Also, if you are interested in learning about the pathways to becoming a psychologist I recommend having a look at this website. I recommend having a look over the website because there are a lot of different pathways to becoming a psychologist, but generally the minimum required length is 5-6 years. I am not sure about all the possible career opportunities that a psychology degree can provide, but I know that someone with a psychology degree can work as a counsellor. Hope this helps!
I did that today @TOM-RO - started a section of a section lol Although I wasn't really thinking and I stupidly started at the beginning which seems to be one of the hardest parts 🙃 So I'm going to try our tactic tomorrow cause today was not a good day and just left me feeling very incapable and stupid. Do you guys ever ask for help with uni assignments? @TOM-RO & @Taylor-RO ? I'm just REALLY struggling to understand my assignment and it just makes me feel so stupid and then I get upset and angry at myself because I should know what I'm doing. Like I feel like I understand what I'm meant to do but I just don't understand how and can't make any sense of anything or get my thoughts to make sense on paper. I'm really struggling and feel like I need to ask for help, and my GP has written a letter to say I need additional help atm, but I just feel really scared to ask for it? Idk, I just feel like I really don't deserve it and that it's not fair on my peers if I get extra help. I just want the semester to be over already cause it's really not helping my mental health atm 🙃 Are there any ways you guys manage your mental health while balancing uni that you find are really helpful? Especially during crunch time with assessments and exams?
That's so true @TOM-RO! I was scared to study psychology because I feel like it's a little too close to home so to speak but I am so fascinated by it!! And mental health is one thing I know I am 100% passionate about. I may not be great with my own, but I'm good with others cause I guess I never want them to experience what I do so will always go out of my way to help. I'm studying OT at the moment cause I also have a passion for working in the disability sector but thinking of doing the grad dip in psych so I can head down the mental health path with alot more knowledge behind me. So how many years is your course all up then? Like if you want to practice as a psychologist? And what does the bachelors degree get you? Like job wise? Sorry for all the questions!!!
I can't speak for Taylor but I am also studying psychology and can confirm that you have to complete a masters to practice as a psychologist! It can be a very long pathway at times, so it is important to be very interested and passionate about psychology and helping people as this keeps you motivated (well for me at least)! I would also say that you should definitely continue with psychology if you are interested in it. Having our own mental health battles does not make us any less capable of being psychology students/ future psychologists. In fact, I would say that it can be a strength that can be taken into your practice as it can allow you to empathize with clients and build more honest relationships!
Thanks heaps for sharing those with me @Taylor-RO!
I have found myself using that last tip quite a bit lately - I always used to think you had to start an assignment from the beginning but ever since I was told to start where ever I find easiest it's really helped cause it's a quick way to get words on the paper which I then find motivates me to keep going with other parts..
I like the idea of reserving your thoughts for the morning cause I often find I'm so stressed at night about what I didn't get done and still need to do! I might give it a try tomorrow and see if it can get me going cause today was an absolute waste!! But I do think I needed a break from life in general today cause I was just so exhausted.
Psychology sounds awesome!! Are you almost finished your degree? Is it true you have to do a masters etc to actually practice as a psychologist? It's something I've always thought of studying cause people always come to me for help and have suggested it but I feel like the only reason I'm good at it is cause I have enough of my own shit going on that I can often understand and relate, not that they'd know cause I'm a pro at hiding it! I have recently been considering doing a graduate diploma in psychology though once I graduate cause I find it sooo interesting!!
I understand how feeling overwhelmed and incapable can lead to guilt and no motivation. This is not always possible but I try to reserve these thoughts for a time where I can action them. For example, having these thoughts while I am in bed is a recipe for a sleepless night. So I try to think them at the start of the day to use it as a motivating factor, e.g. 'It is really important for me to start reading one article now otherwise later tonight, I will be feeling bummed out when I haven't done much work'. I make sure I remind myself of this if I get distracted or start to procrastinate so that I stay on track. I also remind myself that time spent not studying could be a rest that I really needed so that I can avoid feeling guilty for 'wasting' time. I am only human after all and sometimes life gets in the way.
I also try to focus on the present and what I can do right now. Sure, X amount of time has passed but I still have X amount of time left and I can only do my best. Sometimes I also move onto another section or part of the assignment if I am feeling really stuck. These tips may not be for everyone but I have found them helpful for me
I'm with you @Taylor-RO - I'll never turn down a good sleep in! What are you studying if you don't mind me asking? And how are you keeping yourself motivated with everything being online? I'm really struggling with it at the moment! We only have 4 more weeks to go but I just feel like I'm completely giving up. There's just so much to do and I'm feeling really overwhelmed and incapable which then bums me out and leaves me unmotivated!
