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Turning Negatives Into Positives
At the suggestion of Lightuptheworld, I thought I'd start another 'Turning Negatives into Positives' thread like there is on the old forum. Below is a quote from Antria who started the thread on the previous forum which I think explains the idea of the thread quite well.
"Sometimes it can be helpful to turn our thinking around and begin to challenge the way we look at things. Turning negatives into positives is a way of doing this! Basically, think of something that happened today, this week, this month or at some other time that felt negative and see if you can find a positive in it (or that came out of it)."
I find posting in this thread really helps me to look at things in a different way or see positives that I might not have noticed if I'm in a negative headspace. I'll start the ball rolling:
Negative: My friend didn't turn up to class this morning and I was worried I would be alone because I don't really know anyone else in the class.
Positive: It gave me a chance to sit with new people and get to know them better 🙂
Over to you!
Negative: I want to make an attempt on my life again. And I have write down all my dark horrible thoughts for the staff at PARC.
Positive: I have big ted here for cuddles
@loves netball so stoked you have big ted for cuddles. How is PARC going, have you shared how you're feeling right now with them?
@Bree-RO PARC is a million times nicer than hospital but I have no idea how I was admitted Monday night. I don't really know the staff and would find it awkward approaching someone. Even at the planned catch ups with staff I don't talk much. I guess that that's why I need to write my thoughts down so they know what's going on.
@DruidChild my key objectives for tonight are to make dinner, and to make a banana smoothie which is not to count instead of dinner. Not sure if I'll achieve them though. Those are some good positives 🙂
@Bree-RO not great really. Yep, it's a pokemon. It got released on PoGo yesterday. It's basically a pink blob that can transform into other pokemon.
Pos: I got to rest, I felt overworked from uni, I needed it
Neg: I had a bout of intense depressive feeling earlier today.
Pos: I got through it. Been taking the steps to feel better.
Gonna put these into groups, organise all my stuff, fix it up and speak it out to the open! 'Cause the more real it is, the easier it is to handle. 🙂
Jobs.
Neg: I epically failed last Wednesday and it's hovering over me like a hungry seagull. It really put me in a bad spin downwards, especially in the case of this horrible job. This job being a cashier for a take-away place. It's just stressfull, busy and has too much.
Pos: I'm getting paid. Plus, my mistakes on Wednesday were only one day. Yes, they were failures, but so what? It was so damn busy, they're all lucky I didn't curl into a ball and start crying. My shift tonight was fine too, not so bad at all, it's fine, I'm sure. Still want to quit, but for now it's alright.
Neg: I got two job/interview offers. Two. I mean, normally or for any normal person, this would be a good thing, and in part it is, but for me it leaves me in an awkward position. I highly doubt whether or not I could hold both jobs at the same time. (I would have to quit the cashier one, for sure) But somehow I'd have to say, I'm sorry, I can't to someone and man that's just so hard! I mean, sure I can say no to people, but to strangers in these kinds of situations, I'm nodding like one of those drinker bird desk toys. Well, not really but I am too afraid, too shy or anxious or whatever to say no, or I can't. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings.
Pos: First of all, give yourself a high five. Because not wanting to hurt people's feelings is a good thing. Secondly, I know which job I want and which one I don't, so the decision isn't going to be tough (what if one job is higher paying than the other, what if I change my mind, but that doesn't matter. I just have to be patient.). Thirdly, I don't think it would have to be face to face. I might go in for the interview, see how it goes, and then "get" another offer. Or should I say now that I can't? Aah I dunno. Moving on, the conversation might not be face to face, the worst would be over the phone but I can handle anything other than face to face. I know I can.
Neg: A swim instructor??? A SWIM instructor??? What was I thinking???? I can't swim! Not very well, at least. I have NO experience in teaching swimming. None at all. Why, WHY was I selected for an interview? Plus, didn't I even CHECK to see where it was? It's next to my uni, half an hour/40 minutes drive(which I can't) or an hour and a half by public transport! What was I thinking? What can I do?
Pos: Breathe. Stop. Think. Or maybe it should be Stop. Breathe. Think. Whatever. I applied for it because I thought it would be cool, a swim instructor, how neat and applicable to my current course. I can swim, a do a few strokes and I'll get some training, surely, before they just throw me in to teach kids. IF I even get the job. Yes, it's far away but it is nicely placed near uni, so I know I can get there and how to get there. Which is neat. Besides, an hour and a half IS stretching it slightly. 😛
I actually had a lot of subheadings, but I'm so tired right now this is enough. I'll get to the rest tomorrow hopefully. If I remember... 😛
It sounds like you have some pretty big things coming up, and that you're really prepared to give them a go.
The way I like to think about job offers is that they'll be looking at other people for the position anyway, so you should be able to decide which job suits you most. And btw, I think a swim instructor would be SO much fun! 😛 And if you decide it's not for you, that's perfectly fine 🙂
Hey @N1ghtW1ng,
I hope we addressed a lot of these things in the thread you created.
I want to emphasise that you're doing great. It sounds like the jobs thing is stressing you out quite a bit right now. How do you think you'd go handling 2 jobs + travel + UNI? Is this going to be the healthiest option for you?
I think perhaps you are seeking some advice on how to handle this tricky situation. It just comes down to what you decide is the right thing for you financially, and for your wellbeing and general levels of happiness.
Lahna
@OceanMaster1207 yeah, it does sound fun, which is why I applied in the first place, but I'm thinking now that it is, at least for now, the wrong choice. Especially due to transport and I'd rather just have one (two, if I stick with cashier) because it's quite far away from home.
I want to send them an email saying that I can't take the job anymore, I'm just afraid of how to do it.
Hi @N1ghtW1ng, how'd you go with sending off that email turning down the job?
neg: everything is fucked. i hate being like this. i cant deal with these voices or even my own stupid thoughts. why am i even alive. im not looking forward to therapy today.
pos: even though im not looking forwad to therapy it might help. i just gotta remeber to breathe
Hey @redhead,
It's good to see that you're addressing these thoughts. You CAN deal with the voices and you CAN deal with your thoughts. I know you have a long list of strategies to help you through this kind of thing. Have you been using these?
Keep breathing, we are all here to help
Lahna
Pos: I rang the number - finally! It kinda makes sense that she books all her own appointments, given the ages on her children.
Neg: Its the initial part of all this that Im so scared of. The part where she realises who I am. Im scared to even try and ring that new number! 😞
Pos: Ill give it a few days, I can figure something out surely...
Neg: Feeling really overwhelmed by this stupid bloody annoying piece of stupid papar assessment. It's driving me up the wall.
Pos: One more week and I can throw, I mean send/email it to my teacher and kinda forget about it.
Neg: I'm scared I won't pass it, and I'll have to redo it, producing more stress and anxiety which I have no energy for right now.
Pos: I'll do my best. If she says I have to redo it, I'll tell her to explain it to me properly!
Neg: Feeling like a real outcaste in my class. Feeling like if I just walked out, no one would notice. Today only one person called out goodbye. But I was too far gone in my head to really notice who I was. I just couldn't. Took too much energy.
Pos: ?
Neg: Felt really anxious before seeing the campus counsellor. Really wasn't sure I was going to get through it. I just wanted to run, it was so bad.
Pos: I got through it.
Neg: He doesn't know when he'll next be back. Something felt really wrong about the whole thing tho. Like it just felt really really wrong. And I couldn't even put my finger on it. Like what?
Pos: He said he'd ring 1-2 weeks before he next comes in. I can still say I don't want to go back. We might be appointed a new counsellor yet, some are going through their checks to be employed by TAFE NSW. So my campus might be allocated one.? I'm still to figure out what felt so wrong.
Neg: Didn't feel like anyswering half of his questions, so I didn't. Is that what felt so wrong? I didn't end up that closed off character in the corner of the room I keep applying to myself!
Pos: ?? Maybe I might be able to call the psychologist I want to see now, and book a time?
Neg: Felt so very detached from evreything as I talked about it all. I had my walls up, but still it all felt so surreal. Why do I feel so detached from what I was saying??? Part of me feels like this isn't right for me...
Pos: I got out somethings I've never said before. It was nice to have someone say that it didn't sound like a good envrionment to be in - at home. I know I need this. I so desperately need counselling to at least find an even ground for a while. This low mood recently is really testing me. Maybe he just wasn't the right person for me....
Neg: Was having a good day until I went to cover my portfolios, then stuffed them up and ended up ripping hte contact off destorying the actual cover of the book - brillient. I felt really angry both at life and at myself, I felt out of control. I then felt sad because I felt so angry. And then hoepless because I was feeling sad about feeling angry. I'm feeling outtah control!
Pos: I managed to calm down. I managed to fix the book! I managed to finish covering all 3!
Neg: It was a good day, but I'm feeling uncertain I can class it as a good day due to my irritability, and mood swings this evening
Pos: It was a good day in that not once I felt the urge to hurt myself or end my life! It was a good day in that I managed quite well considering I didn't spend the entire day alone, I spent a lot of time talking to others and being physically around others!
Neg: My hair didn't turn out as red as I wanted it. But I kinda knew that.
Pos: It is red. It's got that red glimer to it, especially in the sun! It's a burgandy colour to begin with, if I want a redder colour or more intense, I should try the 'red embers' in the same brand, that should come out brighter in my hair? 🙂 It still looks awesome. left my hair feeling amazing too! WIN!
Neg: Feeling unmotivated again. Really not wanting to do any more work on my assessment.
Pos: I got a fair bit done today. I also NOW know HOW to do the rest of it. I can do it tomorrow morning or Friday after work! 🙂 Tonight I am going to rest with some RO and then Glee! I deserve it. 😛
Neg: Still haven't rang the psych to book an apt. *sigh*
Pos: I know what to expect on the phone from my previous attempt. This time I WILL LEAVE my number as is (and not put it to silent!) and ring. Hopefully if I freak out and can't talk they'll pick up my number?
Pos: I CAN do this. I just need to believe in myself.
Neg: Feeling so detached from everything around me. Like I've been in such a depressed state recently, and I'm only just rising to the surface to see it all! **** I'm also realised how my mood is affecting day to day life. I began to see today and agree with one fo the things the GP wrote on my mental health care plan. Yikes I did some research and this is what I found "someone in Labile mood exhibits an exaggerated, inappropriate emotional reaction in response to normal stimuli, such as sobbing over a dropped plate. ... Exaggerated emotional responses that do not match the situation are called mood-incongruent"
Pos: That actually makes sense to me. So many things make sense now when I look back over so many years. It's like digging for treasure and finally finding the gold. Well I've kinda found my answer. I've found part of the reason I've always felt so awkward in social and intimate social situations. It's not me, but it's me. (that may not make sense, but it kinda does!)
Neg: My cases for my phone haven't arrived yet. I'm beginning to get impatient
Pos: they said 2-6 working days. 6 workin days included tomorrow! I'll contact them Monday if I don't have them by then!
Neg: Not really feeling like going to work today. Part of me just feels a little unsure inside. I don't really know if it's anxiety, fear or something else? 😕
Pos: I know it's good for me to get out. Maybe it's because I've had 4 days off now, and I'm feeling a little lost? I can do this. If it gets too much I know I can always go home sick.
Neg: I think I've reached a point where I just kinda don't care anymore.
Pos: I'm tired. My tiredness is causing a lack of care, because care takes energy, and energy is something I don't really have right now. (the spoon theory is a great analogy of how I'm feeling right now, and how I'm getting through recently)
Neg: It's 11am and I start work in an hour. *sigh* S'pose, I better start getting ready...
Pos: Hair: Done. Make-up: Done. Now to make lunch, have some food, put shoes and shirt on and leave. You can do this Bee!
Neg: I left a message yesterday with a psychologist, didn't hear anything today. Not sure if that's good or bad. There's so much crap going around my head I don't even know whats real anymore. 😞
Pos: I need to give it time, she could be really busy or dealing with her children.
Neg: I looked online for other psychologists in town, we really don't have many, and we have very little information on them also. Why does it have to be so hard?
Pos: I wrote down the numbers for all of them. I can always send a text and see what response I get?
Neg: I have no idea where to start with any of it. NO freaking idea! 😞 I just want it all to go away. And there's no one close enough to me to talk it over with. I feel so alone. I just want to cry. Scream. and run from it all.
Pos: I'm trying. I'm really trying. I'm managing the best I can. Even if I spend hours just sitting and staring into random places...
Neg: started work in a bit of a panic today. I got a call from the campus counsellor as I walked into work. It kinda threw me off. But something inside me made me answer the call and make another appointment. But I don't know what it was...
Pos: I'm getting some help at the moment at least. It's not that entirely scary? IDK
Neg: Had a couple good days, now I feel like I'm back at drowning point. Feeling like it's all just too much. Like I just exploded this afternoon because there was stuff in my way, and I was cursing and swearing, and getting angry cause my room was a mess, but then I saw a big spider and freaked out, nearly started crying, and found it hard to even walk into my room for ages. The spider is still alive in here somewhere! 😮
Pos: ??
Neg: was feeling really overwhelmed by the negative thoughts in my head and wanted to act upon them. I wanted to act upon the self-harm thoughts. I had no empathy for myself, nothing was telling me not to act. I was kinda scared.
Pos: I fought through them. I picked up some permanent markers instead of ('thing') and drew on myself instead.
Neg: It didn't demish the thoughts or feelings or want by any means.
Pos: It got me through it safely! that's the important thing I guess?
Neg: Having trouble getting someone to cover this shift for me next week. I really need the time off for the optomitrist, and I need to vote too...
Pos: I can always leave work 'sick' and let the supervisors deal with it?
Pos: I can TALK to my supervisors and ask what I can do. I can't just leave it with no one to cover it, but I can't not go to my appointment. ;ebneou''ofd 😞
@Bee wrote:
Pos: It got me through it safely! that's the important thing I guess?
Yes! Well done on getting yourself through that moment. Go Bee! And good on you for keeping on trying to connecting with a Psych and your campus counsellor. Perservering when you need help is hard, but so worth it. Well done!
blithe
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